Prisoners of Love Newsletter
Jul 22, 2003

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Contents
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Quote Of The Month
Editorial
Feature Article
Tips
Subscriber Feedback
Q & A
Advertisements
General & Unsubscribe Info


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Quote of the Month
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"Ama me fideliter! Fidem meam noto: De corde totaliter Et
ex mente tota, Sum presentialiter Absens in remota."
Lat: "Love me faithfully!/See how I am faithful:/With all
my heart/And all my soul/I am with you/Though I am far
away."
-Anon., Carmina Burana, "Omnia Sol Temperat"


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Editorial
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Insignificance and What Turns a Warrior Into A Worrier AKA
A Prisoner of Love
By Johnny Brock
Sitting here wrangling over not having any significance not
a day goes by that I don't feel ugly and insignificant to
my peers and warders.
Hello friends, my name is Johnny Brock, (AKA: Timothy John
Brock #357316) and I've been incarcerated every year now
for the past 20 and a half, I've survived the mean streets
of Los Angeles as a homeless teenager before graduating to
a mean Texas Prison System. I've been on 6 different
units, 5 of them extremely hostile! The 6th one, upon which
I currently reside, is a children's day camp compared to
the others, yet the 4 1/2 years I've been assigned here have
been the hardest years, and a half, of my entire life! And
I will tell you all why.
Way back when, when first I came to prison, before
automobiles were invented J well, maybe not that long ago,
even though it seems that long ago, certainly before cd
disks and private computers!! Anyway. I was freshly 20
years old and looking forward to the trip. I wasn't all
depressed and somber like so may who suddenly find
themselves in the joint, having to fight daily to maintain
property, and in some cases manhood; all of a sudden in a
blind drunken rage a tiny farmer's boy shoots somebody and
finds himself trapped in a prison of damn fools! City boys
who are full of fight and game. It's no doubt horrifying.
Well, I am from the mean streets and had done time in
California in the Juvenile system, so going to prison, for
me, was an adventure that I was familiar with, I had no
immediate family to worry about, no wife, no kids or
friends who needed me. I came here alone and did my own
thing.
I didn't worry about having any significance because I
didn't see myself as a human being. I saw myself as a
beast who refused to conform to the laws of man. I huffed
intoxicating chemicals for nearly 2 years in the beginning
and you can only be so significant huffing tire glue!! I
stopped huffing because it impaired my speech; I began to
stutter real bad!! It was extremely frustrating!! It took
years for me to get a handle on it-but even so, it left its
mark. If you see me and I smile for no apparent reason
then scratch my head in confusion before staring at a
passer-by indignantly, its' the glue! J yea, well,
specifically, I wasn't stressed when I first came in. It
wasn't until I woke up one morning, 5 years later, and
realized that I was no longer a beast, but a human being!!
I was a man and began to look at my myriad past follies in
despair!
Since then I have made a complete turn-around. I went from
the bottom of line-class to the top of trusty class!
Maturational metamorphosis transformed a youth- worshiping
death into a man yearning for life! But even then I wasn't
too stressed I was resigned to the fact that I was facing
the prospect of never getting out of prison. Not a big
deal, really, not then...
Then my childhood friend, Toni, who is now my darling wife,
broke though the barriers and helped shape and cultivate
the helpless worrywart I have become! But it's a good thing
not a bad thing! It means that I have important feelings!!
And it's the hardest time I've even experienced, this
helplessness of having to watch life repeatedly pound on
her when she's already down! I love her so very much, and
am unable to help her physically or financially, it is very
maddening! With that, along with the guards being
insensitive and sometimes cruel in their control issues,
and with the realization that I AM NOT A BEAST ANYMORE BUT
A GOOD SOLID MAN IN LOVE WITH A GOOD SOLID WOMAN WHO IS IN
LOVE WITH ME. The ugly, insignificant feeling lingers like
a miasma of rotting meat!! I know I'm not the only one to
feel this way: so many in prison with loved ones who all
suffer the same way. What do we about it? What can we
do? I don't know I struggle every day with it, but I have
found a couple of things that help. Number one: writing to
strangers and making new friendships with them helps out a
lot, it carries you away from the world upon which you
exist for a breath. Sometimes its good to sit back and
just look at your world, to see what's going on and clear
your head on how things can be fixed to work better. It's
been an effective tool for me...but now that the state of
Texas no longer allows us to correspond with other
prisoners, I have lost that outlet for all of my friends
were inside. Find someone with circumstances similar to
your own and cultivate a relationship with them it really
helps. Number two; be creative and work. Don't just sit
around feeling sorry for yourself. We were all born with
creative talent, explore them. Crafts over television
stimulates ones worth. I always get high when I complete a
project that I created on my own, no matter how small it
may be! And working at my job, putting more into it than
what's required, helps because people always have more
respect for someone who does things without having to be
told than those ho need to be told everything! With that I
will go for now, its 5:00am and I must go to work!! If any
of you wish to converse with me more about anything, I am
looking for new friends Write me at Timothy John Brock
#357316, 9601 Spur 591 Amarillo, Texas 79107-9606. Buy our
book, Prisoners of Love! It's like a bible, it will help
you!! I wish all of you a great day of love and
significance. Johnny P.S. remembers that most smiles begin
from another smile.
_________________________________________________________
Letter from the Editor:
This is the first edition of the newsletter in this format.
When I started the newsletter 7 years ago it was on paper,
I mailed it to prisoners free of charge. However, right now
I have no less than a thousand requests for the information
and I can't even afford the postage and printing. So, I am
leaving the printing to subscribes to print out and send to
their loved ones. I am charging 20.00 per year for the ezine
and hope to get the newsletters to those who don't have loved
ones out here who have access to a computer. It will help with
postage and also computer upgrades. I hope.
I expect this to get better as I figure more out.
Please visit www.prisonersoflove.com. It is a wealth of support
and knowledge and we would love to see you there.
Thank you,
Toni

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Feature Article
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10 Tips for Keeping Your Love Alive During Times of
Incarceration

1.) Breath. Focus on the fact that right now you and
your loved one are under the same moon. No matter how far
apart it appears the moon looks down on you both.
2.) Do something special for yourself in your
incarcerated loved ones name. Buy yourself a flower, a cup
of coffee from your special someone.
3.) Don't put your life on hold. You can still have a
life while you wait. It is okay to see a movie, take a
course, take a vacation, smile, look around you and enjoy
life. You are enjoying these pleasures for both of you
now. Make notes and write about it with your loved one.
4.) Reach out to others in the same shoes. By helping
them you will help yourself.
5.) Defuse an argument before it happens. Often
feelings of helplessness, low-self worth and depression,
frustration, and financial concerns can lead to arguments
and anger and the people you tend to lash out at are the
people who care the most. Sleep on a letter you wrote in
anger. The number one way to save a relationship is to
control your emotions.
6.) If drugs or alcohol were a part of your life and
were on the path that led you to prison make plans to
change the life style that keeps you around drugs and
drinking. If you keep the same friends and habits when you
get home it will be harder to stay out of prison.
7.) Use this time to learn more about each other. Ask
the questions you would ask on a first meeting. What are
their favorites? What are their pet peeves? What is their
greatest disappointment? What are their goals and dreams?
Why?
8.) Name 50 things you like about the person and send
it to them as a present.
9.) If you don't have perfume for letters, or cologne,
Yeah, guys, we like nice smelling letters too. Tear the
perfume sample page from magazines and place with paper.
One of those little cards will smell up a whole bunch of
stationary.
10.) Cut out paper in shapes, small enough to put in an
ID case or wallet and inscribe and decorate it with loving
messages so that no matter where your loved on is they have
a love letter from you.


Featured Website
Women's Prison Association www.wpaonline.org
Founded in 1844 by Abigail Hopper Gibbons and other
visionary women, the Women's Prison Association & Home, Inc.(WPA)
is a nonprofit agency working to create opportunities for change
in the lives of women prisoners, ex-prisoners, and their families.
WPA provides programs through which women acquire the life skills
necessary to end their involvement in the criminal justice system
and to make positive, healthy choices for themselves and their families.
This site is only one of the sites that may be found on the
www.prisonersoflove.com links page.


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What to Say in a Parole Support Letter

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Above all it is a specific.
It accents the positive and forgives or down plays the
negatives.
It doesn't retry the case.
Have the inmate's full name and number. Your full name,
address, phone number.
It addresses the basic human needs of your loved one when
he comes home.
Where will he live?
Where will she work?
Does she have transportation?
Who are his friends?
Are they felons?
Is there a bus line close by?
Does he or she own her own home?
How will they support themselves?
Who will supply what?
Is there a job already waiting?
Not every letter addresses every topic. If a loved one can
only give emotional support it says that.
If you can help with a place to live, say that. Let the
parole board know that you are there for the incarcerated
person.
Get the letters to your loved one first for review then
send them on to the parole board.
________________________________

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Subscriber Feedback
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Please feel free to write articles that promote the
cultivation,strengtening and maintainance of a love with
someone who is behind bars when you or they are
separated.You maintain all rights past the first publishing
and get full credit. We can not pay anything at this time.
submit at editor@prisonersoflove.com
or prisoners of love
p.o.box 32531
Amarillo, Texas 79120


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Q & A
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What's your question? We will try to find an answer or
direct you to folks that might be able to help.


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Classified Ads
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woman seeks ride to Victorville Federal Prison from San
Diego area. Please contact Toni@prisonersoflove.com


Purchase "Prisoners of Love; A Guide For Anyone Wanting to
Cultivate, Maintain and Strengthen Relationships During
Times of Incarceration." It is nearly 300 pages of support
and ideas for keeping love alive during times of
incarceration. It was written by prisoners and their
families from all over the country. It covers everything
from making letter writing easy, planning trips to a
prison, raising children and getting help in common
Situations and much, much more. It is 17.95 plus 3.00
Shipping and handling and 8.4% tax in Texas. P.O. Box
32531 Amarillo, Texas 79120


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General & Unsubscribe Info
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Prisoners of Love Newsletter (c) Copyright 2002,
Toni K. Cyan-Brock, except where indicated otherwise.
All rights reserved worldwide. Reprint only with permission
from copyright holder(s). All trademarks are property of
their
respective owners. All contents provided as is. No express
or
implied income claims made herein. Your success is
dependent on many factors, including your own abilities.
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Please feel free to use excerpts from this newsletter
as long as you give credit with a link to our page:
www.prisonersoflove.com

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Like the weed that breaks through the sidewalk to bask in
the sun, our letters, visits and phone calls defy the walls
and keep love alive.

Prisoners of Love Newsletter is an opt-in ezine available
by
subscription only. We neither use nor endorse the use
of spam.

Thank you!

Prisoners of Love Newsletter
October 28, 2003

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Contents
===========================================================
Quote Of The Month
Editorial
Feature Article
Tips
Subscriber Feedback
Q & A
Advertisements
General & Unsubscribe Info


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Quote of the Month
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�Love is the reason for my life.� Mother Teresa

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Feature Article
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Head Strong
A fellow Hostage
Cody Goltl #1037655
Texas

As the cold night slowly fades away into morning�s dawn I sit and stare out my barricaded window and contemplate my thoughts. Sometimes I�ll make it to my house, to those long ago years spent with my loved ones. Other times I never make it past the barbed wire. I am confined physically in this hell made of concrete but my thoughts have no boundaries, or do they? If for a while all I see is my cage and its interior will that not form my way of thinking to some degree? Some my say no. And it may be so for some, but there are those who are not mentally capable of thinking about anything other than what �world� they live in. People in the free world don�t think of prison because they don�t live in one. Most wouldn�t even know what a prison looks like so how could they think of it? How would you know what the color orange is if you�ve never seen it? You wouldn�t. Therefore it wouldn�t be in your subconscious to dwell on it.

Those in prison who simply give up and give in to this place and make it their life are the ones who are confined mentally. Instead of thinking of a loved one�s graduation they�re thinking more of activities in the day room and on the rec yard. It takes over all train of thought and after years they begin to know no other life, in fact they don�t want any other life. They�ve grown accustomed to this one. And why not, they get 3 meals a day, and a warm bed. That�s more than most of them had in the world. They become scared of losing what they�ve come to call their �new life.�

Once released their back to where they started, with nothing. Prison has become their safe place and they feel comfortable there. They feel at �home.� So now they�re not just a person, they�ve become a statistic. A repeat offender. These people don�t have memories of waking up to their mom saying, �I love you.� Or a dad taking them fishing. Just the nightmares of trying to survive and then the day they came to prison and didn�t have to worry about anything. To them prison equals no more sleeping in cold nights with tears streaming down their faces, hungry, sick and alone. They love the peace of mind knowing food will always be there, a blanket and being surrounded by people who won�t look down on them because they�re all in the same predicament.
Some of this might not apply to you. You might have had a good family that loves you and looks out for you. But they�re the ones most likely to give up simply because they have nothing to look forward to.
I�m not the type to blame the system even though I agree it has it�s flaws. We broke the law, we suffer the consequences. That simple. But we should not take it upon ourselves to push that punishment a step further by giving in to this life and giving up on our freedom, our families and ourselves. We must fight constantly to free our minds. Sit down 10-20 minutes a day and think of those you love or things you love to do, anything that will strengthen your motivation to be mentally free.
Help those you see who are becoming too accustomed to prison life or it�s ways of thinking. Step up and help your fellow man to be something more than a number. And the next time you look out your window look above the fence and beyond the fields. Concentrate on positive thoughts, don�t be beaten down by the negative ones.


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Tips
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A Resource for Those dealing with Drug Addiction

If drug addiction is a part of you or your loved one�s life there can be such a feeling of hopelessness. There can also be confusion. Addiction is the only illness that you can get yelled at for having. You wouldn�t dream of yelling at a cancer patient for having cancer, or putting them in prison for having the disease yet we treat drug addiction, an illness, as a crime.
I know myself, I don�t have the understanding heart I need when I know my drug addicted friends have put my life in danger taking me to drug deals with them thinking I didn�t know what was going on. It looks like a choice to those who don�t know. At some point it was a choice but not when it becomes a disease. It can only take just one time to become an addiction and for the most part that one time happens when we are young and experimental or when we are older and dealing with a bad situation. One moment of weakness or impulsiveness has lead some people to a lifetime of addiction and incarceration.
When you get physically ill when you don�t take the drug. When it has become so much of your bodies system that going without it results in illness and intense pain. The need to keep the pain at bay becomes such a driving force that your judgment is impaired and you lie, cheat, steal, and even commit acts of violence to get the substance that will keep you feeling healthier even as it drags you down, and away from those who love you. When you are one of those people on the outside watching your loved one struggle with the pain of addiction it can be overwhelming. Blame and frustration can lead to anger and alienation.
There is a quarterly newsletter from an organization called, �A New Path� it is an organization for Parents for Addiction Treatment and Healing in California. You can contact them at www.anewpath.cc The newsletter covers topics such as medications that are showing promise, laws, and also reading materials and resources for families who can benefit from the information both inside and outside the state of California. I suggest you check the resources out. It might help you develop positive coping skills.

Is Your Loved One Coming Home? Then You Might Want To Talk About A Few Things In Advance.

Everybody is all excited when they are about to come home. I know I harp on this. Almost every time I have a newsletter I mention talking and planning before your loved one comes home. The reason that I do so is because when I was writing Prisoners of Love, every relationship ended when they came home. That is a 100% failure rate. That isn�t acceptable to me and it probably isn�t for you either. So I started researching how to stop this from happening to others. I have a vested interest because my own husband will come home someday and I don�t want us to fail.
Re-entry is something we all look forward to, but have you planned for it? It is important that you have a plan and talk about it. You know what they say, �Keep doing what you are doing and keep getting what you are getting.� And �If you fail to plan you are planning to fail.� The deal is that prison is such a traumatic event that it changes a person forever. We can tour a prison, we can read about it, we can even watch Oz on HBO, and every true detective story on television and still, if we aren�t there we can�t know what it is like. We can�t even know what it is like for the person next to us if we are in prison together.
Coming home from that environment is like being born again and coming out in the world a new but with the emotional scars of our whole lives still attached. It is a big deal. People don�t plan for their loved one to come home with fears such as fear of the dark, noise, people, being alone or other things. They don�t expect them to be different. They don�t expect them to have trouble budgeting their money or driving a car or anything else. All these things and a lot more are possible side effects of incarceration and it doesn�t take years for it to happen. Prison is so traumatic it can change a person forever in a moment.
Knowing that your incarceration affected a lot of people�s lives is important. You will have to be ready for their reaction as their feelings come out.
You are going to have to work at your relationship and keeping it together during and after the reunification process. A lot changes between people when incarceration has occurred. On the incarcerated person�s part you have been taken out of the mix of society, put into a place with a lot of dangerous people and made to live in a loud, highly controlled and chaotic environment. You have lost some valuable tools to deal with the real world, such as decision making to various degrees, and other passive social skills. You have picked up new habits that were key to your survival in there that might not help you out. Some people have learned to survive through intimidation and violent behaviors. Learning effective communication skills can be vital to sharing your feelings with each other.
Who Does Time?
Those of us on the outside had to really do your time with you. I always think that if we could see our granny sitting in the car with us when we do our drive-bys, or see our little sister with us when we are robbing someone maybe, just maybe we wouldn�t do the crime. Your gang might be the family you feel cool about being with, �Thug life forever� and all that, but the people who really suffer are your real family, your friend who knew you in second grade and thought that they were going to look you up only to find you are in prison. Because even though your family wasn�t with you when you did the crime they are with you every moment of the time. That doesn�t mean that they write you and put money on your account or even visit but they are marked by the incarceration, the trial, the crime all the same. They may have picked up the slack, or they protected your children, they may have felt shame even turned their backs on you, they may have had to sell off all of their possessions to pay for a lawyer, or maybe they had to live with the fact that they didn�t have a phone, couldn�t accept your calls and didn�t even know what happened to you after you left the courtroom. It is painfully easy to loose track of a loved one when they are in prison and if you don�t know the way to find them there might be an appearance that they don�t care or that you don�t care because you don�t write them. This is all stuff that can get in the way of a successful homecoming.
Temptation:
I talked to some experts on parole issues and they told me the first 48 hours tells the tale about success. If you are breaking the rules, having troubles and messing up within that time then chances are returning to prison is more than likely. This is bad because a lot of states release prisoners in a neighborhood that is a �sex, drugs and rock and roll� neighborhood and you have to walk through that area on your way to your new life. Some people never make it home because they get caught up in that. Don�t let this happen to your or your loved one. Pick them up if you can.
Communication:
You and your loved one will have to make decisions about your expectations, support sources, demands you and family have of each other. You are going to have to listen to each other, or write each other on the topics a lot. You will need to know the difference between a thought and a feeling. A feeling happens inside, like anger, hurt and fear. A thought happens in your head, an idea, opinion, and fact.
Who�s Important?
You need to explore concerns about disease and relationships with other people. You have no idea how many women and men wait and wait year after year for their husbands or significant others and when their husbands or mates get home they want to hang out with the boys. The boys are going to lead you back to prison. Okay, my opinion, and it is just and opinion is that there is plenty of time to hang out with the boys when you return to prison. The boys didn�t put money on your account, they didn�t take care of your children, they didn�t care for your sick mom, they didn�t pay the mortgage, they didn�t drive 7 hours to see you on the weekends, they didn�t remain faithful to you and they didn�t write support letters. So why are they more important to you than the significant other that did? Fun? If you don�t think your loved one is fun maybe it is because they had to become serious to cope with the added burden of incarceration. Find the fun.
Community:
Finally, the most important thing to think about is how your future plans fit with the family and community. It is very common for people in prison to have plans for greatness. They are going to become rich and/or famous. They are going to work hard, make millions, and take care of everyone. This might be by owning an apartment complex, writing a best seller, driving their own truck or what ever. However, if they don�t plan for the baby steps they are going to get frustrated. If they don�t plan for minimum wage, for adjustment, for getting the education it takes, for getting their G.E.D. or having to pay the bills now, then they are more likely to fail, to fall back into their old life and go back to prison. Talk about this as soon as possible. Reality is important to success. Sometimes we feel we don�t want to add to their burden while inside, to let them dream. Dreaming with one�s eyes open is called a goal. Setting goals is critical to success and making the big dreams a reality.
Ideas to improve communication:
1.) Listen and don�t rehearse what you are going to say while they are talking.
2.) Make listening noises like, �Yes, uhuh.�
3.) Look at the person while they are talking, not at others around the room.
4.) Restate what has been said. You will not believe how many times you missed the point. Example: �So, you think I should come home.�
5.) Then try to capture the emotion that the speaker is trying to convey. �You miss me and it is hard on you. I believe you are telling me you are angry.�
6.) Don�t be upset with yourself it you picked the wrong emotion. If you say, �You�re angry.� And they say, �No, I�m sad.� Then you have gotten further toward understanding.
7.) Ask questions. What was it like? What did you think? What happened?
8.) Men, resist the temptation to fix. Women don�t always need you to fix the situation they need you to listen. Try not to give advice or solve her problems.
9.) It seems like I wouldn�t have to say this but, don�t use your active listening as a way to punish your loved one, to belittle or emotionally abuse them. Love is a gift. Treat it as one.


TRAPS TO AVOID
I attended the 2003 Centerforce Summit in San Francisco this month. Guy Vanderberg, MSW,RN gave a wonderful presentation on the traps people can fall into. It was something I had noticed too but didn�t know how to approach. People who work with our families have come to find that our loved ones who have been behind bars buy into some pretty serious self-defeating beliefs and these need to be nipped in the bud to make success an option. I have kind of butchered what I learned in his presentation and added some notes of my own. Here are a few of the common traps:
1.) I am a victim. I am completely helpless. Only you can help me.
This is self-defeating because if only someone outside of ourselves can help us and they get hit by a bus then what will happen to this us?
Our loved ones have to recognize that they are not helpless. While they may have been a victim of their crime and the system to stay there and not go beyond that is not healthy. They need to look within for help, seek help from outside sources and take the challenge of overcoming their victimhood.
2.) Another trap is the, It�s too difficult, or too much work. If I don�t deal with it, it will just go away. It won�t go away. Life takes work, relationships take work and we all need to know this and accept it and meet the challenge. Life isn�t for the lazy.
3.) The world or system owes me, this program is for me, and so you work for me. Well, the program might be for you however; it doesn�t mean you run it. I worked as a massage therapist for several years. I massaged a friend but instead of doing it at my office in low light and quiet we did it at my home at my friend�s request. We had the television on instead of my relaxing music at my friend�s request. I massaged only my friend�s neck and back and didn�t touch my friend�s feet or hands at my friend�s request. At the end my friend said, �I don�t feel relaxed at all. You aren�t a professional.� At the time I had a government contract for massage and had massaged the most famous people in the music industry. I told him, � You didn�t want a professional massage. You wanted what you wanted. You got what you asked for. Others pay me to massage them the way I want to because it results in relaxation, they don�t pay me to do what they want because they don�t know as much about relaxation as I do. Neither do you. My friend got what my friend wanted but didn�t get what he needed. Sometimes, it is what the programs have to offer and not what we want that will help us the most.
4.) I can get by with anything, spending all my money today and still pay the rent, do drugs and stop any time I feel like it, take what isn�t mine and not get caught. Consequences are life�s greatest teachers. Everything catches up with us eventually.
5.) You cannot point out that I am doing the opposite of what I said I would do. I really don�t like this one. I run into it a lot. Someone says they are living the straight life, they gave up drugs and they have a beer in their hand. They aren�t straight, they swapped drugs. The legal drug is no better than the illegal drug if you are an addictive personality.
6.) Blame. I have to take a pee test now. I have to go now. If you don�t give it to me now I am leaving and it is your fault, not mine if I go back to jail. I have heard this one before at the parole office. Logic tells us that the system has all the power. How we deal with it is our problem. We can blame and rationalize it all we want but the only person to suffer when we don�t conform to their rules is we and our families, not the system or the parole officer.

It is important for our loved one to identify the problem behavior if they want to overcome it. �I notice, you know I blame folks a lot.� or �I feel like a victim.� Then they need to ask themselves what they get out of that behavior. Do people give in? Do they get what they want?
What are the negative outcomes? Do people get angry? Do they get kicked out of programs? Then once they have done that, even before they have done that, they need to get in counseling to overcome these traps. Sometimes people can do it on their own and sometimes it takes a life time of counseling but the important thing is to be focused on getting out of the trap either as the incarcerated person or their loved one or worker who falls into the guilt trap with them.

Dealing with Our Loved One�s Mental Illness

Prisons were designed to house the most violent people, not people with mental illnesses and addictions. Yet, the majority of people in prison are incarcerated for nuisance crimes, drug addictions and mental disorders. Most of these people would be better served in a mental health setting. That�s why I think it is very important for those of us dealing with these issues to educate ourselves. Until the system changes we have to get what we need for ourselves and loved ones. The Nation�s Voice on Mental Illness offers a free 12-week course for family and friends of individuals with serious mental illness. It is offered in 44 states. Trained NAMI family members teach the course. The course participants gain greater understanding of mental illness, and cope much better, are worried less and feel empowered to advocate for better treatment and services for their relative. Participants have called it a �Life changing� experience.

The participants gain coping skills such as, empathy by understanding the subjective, lived experience of a person with mental illness. Learning in special workshops for problem solving, listening, and communication techniques. They acquire strategies for handling crises and relapse. Focus on care for the caregiver, coping with worry, stress and emotional overload. The participants are given guidance on locating appropriate supports and services within the community and information on advocacy initiatives designed to improve and expand services.
The organization houses current information about schizophrenia, major depression, bipolar disorder (manic depression), panic disorder, obsessive compulsive disorder, borderline personality disorder, and co-occurring brain disorders and addictive disorders. It also has up to date information about medications, side effects and strategies for medication adherence. For more information on the services offered by NAMI please contact the nami website at nami.org or their helpline at 1(800) 950-6264
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www.jenscreativecorner.com Jennifer says, �All of the stamps are my own creations then I have them made into stamps.�
Prisoners of Love; A guide for anyone wanting to cultivate, maintain and strengthen relationships with loved ones during times of incarceration can be purchased for 17.95 plus 3.00 shipping and handling. It is 298 pages of help for those with someone inside.
P.O. Box 32531
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Prisoners of Love Newsletter � Copyright 2002,
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Prisoners of Love Newsletter Novemeber
Nov 19, 2003

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Contents
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Quote Of The Month
Editorial
Feature Article
Tips
Subscriber Feedback
Q & A
Advertisements
General & Unsubscribe Info


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Editorial
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During the last month I had an opportunity that I wish
that every person inside and outside or prison had.
Because then you would know that a significant amount of
people care and that you are not alone. I attended two
prison summits on two different coasts. Normally I go
through life in isolation. I am seldom touched, and few
people understand why I would marry my childhood friend
even though he is in prison. Oh, I have friends and I
have the website so I can talk about things with other
ladies and gentlemen around the world but the every day
Joe doesn�t have a clue what I am going through. Recently
a parolee told me, �You�re not alone. Johnny is with you
always.� I told him, that in spirit and in my heart I am
never alone but when I am dragging the trash out or
cleaning up after the dogs or lugging the groceries in, I
am alone in a very real way.� Then he said, �Yes, but you
picked this. Johnny is your destiny.� I said, �I know,
but if you decide to have your spleen removed, doe it not
hurt just as much as if it had to be removed in an
emergency surgery?� I choose to marry my husband knowing
how much it would hurt and I still did it and I wouldn�t
change it however, that doesn�t mean I don�t cry, that I
don�t hurt and that I don�t get caught in the same snares
that everyone else does when they have a loved one in
prison.
It isn�t that person or just the people outside the prison
experience that don�t understand. Just yesterday I got in
a discussion with a postal employee whose son had just
come home from prison. The man was telling me how he told
his son that he didn�t want to hear stories of how badly
they are treated because it was his own fault the was in
there. We don�t even share common beliefs within our peer
group. I explained to him that incarceration, and
separation from society was the punishment. Abuse,
neglect, rape and torture were not part of the punishment
and those things go on all of the time and need to stop.
I didn�t reach him. This much I know. I felt sorry for
his son, because no matter what he did to himself, family
and others it was obvious he needed to talk and his own
father was shutting him down. Even though his father and
I had gone through the prison experience it was clear we
didn�t experience it the same way. His son and I probably
had more in common. His dad justified what ever happened
to his son as it being just deserts because he did wrong.
Therefore his dad didn�t have to feel the pain that
something bad happened to his son while in prison. That
is a common way to cope. As a Nation we use that coping
mechanism.

At the prison summits it was a completely different ball
game. If you think nobody cares about the plight of the
incarcerated then think again. Centerforce sponsored the
first summit I attended. In California. You can find a
link to their site on my links page. They have a lot of
resources for health, education and on other issues facing
the incarcerated, parolees and the families. The summit
brings together workers in the fields of public health,
jailers, wardens, experts in the field of criminal
justice, therapeutic programs, family members, parolees
and other people concerned with the issues facing our
families.
The environment is just the opposite of my every day
life. It was a place it was not only okay to talk about
our situation but it was encouraged, our plight was
something we could bring to the table and discuss and add
to the conversation and a search for change. However, it
is not for the faint of heart. There is no way to hide
from the realities of prison life.
Prison issues are discussed openly by professionals in the
field, by people who did time and by those who fight
mental illness and drug addictions personally. It isn�t
the place that someone who doesn�t want to know goes for
comfort. It is more like a safe place to open your eyes
and look at what is going on around your loved one, your
family and your community.
I attend so that I can give our accurate information on
the website, the newsletter and in the books I write. I
also attend because it is a rest from being the lone wolf
trying to make a difference in an area where people wonder
why I even bother. It recharges my batteries and gets me
up and running again for another year.
While I was there I met Morgan Moss and Penny Patton from
the Center for Therapeutic Justice and they invited me to
come to their retreat in Warm Springs, Virginia the
following week. I was excited because I really liked what
I had heard in their presentation. It seemed like we were
on the same page in our beliefs and since I am starting a
help organization here in Texas I really wanted to know
more. This retreat was totally different than the first.
It was smaller, where there were over 200 participants
from all over the country at the 4th annual Centerforce
Summit, there were approximately 31 in Warm Springs
retreat. The retreat was for the people who work with our
loved ones inside and outside the prison system. It was
wholistic and calming. It took place in a Courthouse and
Jail that had been converted into a bed and breakfast.
I got to meet one of the ladies who had read my book and
whom I had become fast friends with over the internet the
past few months. Warning, don�t invite me to your home�I
just might show up. She drove me to Henroke Jail where I
was lucky enough to speak about what incarceration is like
for the family, how we are all in this together and what
my experience with my husband and children has been like.
The Jail program is wonderful there. Carpeted surfaces,
prisoner peer groups, and a therapeutic community that
runs itself with minimal supervision from staff. The
prisoners asked more questions that my average college
class. Then I went on to the retreat. There I found a
lot of people who believed in prisoners. These people
believed they could rise to whatever level society deemed
appropriate.
These people were willing to share and bare their souls
for the greater good of the prisoners and families that
they serve. I gave one of the many presentations that
weekend. It was an extremely emotional weekend for me.
Because although I am always the wife of a prisoner, at
that retreat it was okay for me to be that. I was being
exposed to a lot of difficult stuff, stuff that my husband
attempts to shield me from. I was allowed to feel it.
Normally, I go through life and all this prison stuff with
objectivity. I say, �I�m the wife of a man serving a life
sentence in Texas.� No problem. I don�t feel a thing. It
is a fact. I can do anything with facts. They are
unemotional. However, at the retreat, who I was, was the
wife of Johnny Brock, a man who should be home, whom I do
without every single moment of every day, an inmate in the
state of Texas.� So, it was harder. However, where at the
first summit I could keep my objectivity and learn, at the
retreat I had to rebuild myself with the new information I
was getting, brick by brick until I felt every idea on a
personal level.
So, if it was so painful for me then why do I wish that
you could have been there with me? Because then you would
know just how deeply people care about our situation.
Grown men and women are so moved by our situations that
they shed tears, fight a sea of blind hatred and confused
logic daily to make things better for our family. These
people are silent warriors to most of us, but their
whispers are getting louder. There were two people at the
retreat that had served long sentences in prison and were
now working with current prisoners to make changes on the
level of the individual.
One man said that he heard all this talk about how it will
be someday, all these programs today but they don�t really
do anything to help the prisoners who return home. They
have real needs. The need for a support network, for
food, for clothes, for housing, for an opportunity to work
in the community and without those items being secured all
the touchy feely programs aren�t doing anything. I told
him that I felt that all the talk he was hearing was much
like the creation of a wave on the beach of my California
Coast, first there is a suction, where all the water gets
sucked out to the ocean and it sounds like a thousand
voices whispering as the water retreats from the shore and
it looks like there�s nothing left behind. But while the
water is out there it joins with other water and it builds
higher and higher and then it crashes down on the shore
with a force that can knock over anything made by man.
I think the summits and the retreats are that wave
building out in the ocean and that the tide is turning and
will eventually result in huge changes. Now, that doesn�t
help you and me today. But what it does do is it gives us
the seed organizations that we can go to and ask for help,
and seek to build so that someday our loved ones will have
the support they need. Some organizations offer a lot of
help now. The Center for Therapeutic Justice is changing
lives with their circle approach to healing lives and you
can check them out at their website:
www.therapeuticjustice.com. They are looking to replicate
their programs to bring healing to your area for your
loved ones in prison.

Quote
�In expressing love we belong among the undeveloped
countries.� -- Saul Bellow

�To fear love is to fear life.� - Bertrand Russell


Where�s Mommy? Where�s Daddy?

The problem with incarceration is that it doesn�t happen to
the individual. It happens to the community and the
family and few people recognize that. There are different
schools of thought about what to tell the children of an
incarcerated parent. I met a lady who told her child she
was in the hospital. Others say they are working abroad.
Still others are honest with their child. What to do and
how to explain the separation is very difficult. Family
and Corrections Network has an on line library of
resources for children. Their website can be accessed
from our links page or directly at www.fcnetwork.org.
Their printable books give people insight into what prison
is from a child�s perspective and has a lot of resources
families can use to help their children. Their address is
32 Oak Grove Road Palmyra, Virginia 22963 I was
fortunate enough to finally meet the Executive Director of
the program while in San Francisco. Please check out the
on-line library and directory of programs on the website.
It is a wealth of information.


The Good Bad and Ugly On Why Your Loved One Might Ask You
To Put Money On A Fellow Inmates Account
1.) They borrowed the money and need to return it.
2.) They bought an arts or crafts project from the
other inmate.
3.) Your loved one has a lot of charges on their
account for past medical or indigent mail and will not see
a penny of the money if it goes on their account because
their account is in the red.
4.) The inmate might get to go to the store before
your loved one has the ability to go to the store.
5.) Your loved one has done something the prison says
is wrong and any money that is placed on their account is
suspect. They might have lost shopping privileges.
6.) Your loved one wants to prove to another inmate
that they have someone on the outside that could possibly
act as his agent. This is especially true if the amount
is a very small amount. It serves as a warning or
affirmation of power beyond the cell.
7.) To find out if it is legal or not you can contact
the criminal justice system. However, if it is illegal
the call could get your loved one and the other inmate in
trouble so think twice about doing that. Know that your
loved one may not always be able to communicate why they
really want you to send the other inmate money. It is a
world very different from ours.


Are Victim Rights Victims Right?
T.K. Cyan-Brock

Since the Victims of crime banned together we have seen a
lot of changes in laws and criminal justice procedures to
include the feelings of the Victims and to protect their
rights. I applauded this. Still, too many people get
away with crimes. In the big cities, like Dallas, where a
detective averages 200 new cases per day, people like my
daughter can be attacked while sitting in their car and
have their collar bone broken or worse and if they didn�t
have the name, address and license of the person
committing the crime then the detectives don�t have time
for the victims. That is not right.
Victim�s rights must be considered. However, there is a
flip side to all of this. There is an air of
unforgiveness that permeates the movement. It is
unacceptable to ever forgive the person who wronged you.
This means that every time our loved one comes up for
parole the victim has the opportunity to ask the parole
board to keep them in. To not exercise that right is seen
by some within the movement as a sign of weakness.
The ability of the victim to participate in the long-term
process of incarceration means that if our loved one
doesn�t have any support in the community then the request
will have more of an impact. That victims letter may be
the only outside letter in the person�s file. Our loved
ones do not get to know what is in their file.
The victim�s rights are often considered the holy grail of
the criminal justice system. As a former victim of
violent crime I can tell you that the victim is often
victimized by the system designed to help them to a far
greater degree than the initial attack. This needs to be
addressed and possibly takes a louder voice than even the
victims themselves have to address and change.
The other victims of incarceration, our families and our
friends are not considered in the criminal justice
process. We don�t count because we have not banned
together. Even the most politically active of us only
addresses one part of the big picture. FAMM deals with
mandatory minimums. TIFA deals with the Texas Inmate
population and other groups address racial or religious
discrimination in the criminal justice system and also
work diligently to fight injustice in our criminal justice
system. But we don�t do it in the numbers that effect
change on the large scale that victims groups can.
We aren�t seen as a force to be reckoned with. In every
other area of society 2.7 million people and their
families and friends would have the politicians bowing
down at our feet. But because we are often low income,
often don�t vote and lack the lobbying power and political
voice that the victim�s rights and �Get tough on crime�
people enjoy, our voices go without being heard. This
concerns me for 3 reasons. The first is that everyone,
from the judges, to the attorney�s to the cops on the beat
and our families can tell you that the system in place,
that has the victim�s rights at the top of it�s priority
list, isn�t working. 2nd, the system isn�t cost
effective. They spend 10 times more to incarcerate a
person per year than they do to educate a child for the
same amount of time. 3rd. There are viable alternatives
that heal the person behind bars and heal the community
and allow for change, discussion and forgiveness between
everyone affected by the crimes committed. These programs
have a huge success rate. They are called Restorative
Justice programs and they restore on a really tangible
level, the people touched by crime. Since they do not
have the backing of the more theatrical and high profile
get tough on crime agendas it doesn�t matter that these
programs change lives, clean up neighborhoods and save
money. These programs require change on the level of the
individuals involved and don�t require the building of any
more prisons. They require understanding, and
forgiveness. Two things that the victim�s rights campaign
very often turn their backs on.
Unforgiveness is feeding the prison industrial complex.
With mandatory minimums, three strike rules, and longer
sentences in general more and more of our citizens are
being taken into or kept behind bars. A former warden
turned Criminal Justice instructor said, �In this country
we love to lock people up. We have fallen in love with
brick, mortar and razor wire.� This is evident in the
policies that affect our loved ones lives inside.
So what can we do? We can organize. That works.
However that takes someone committed to our cause past the
incarceration of our own loved one. We can vote. Voting
is the most powerful thing we can do aside from educating
the public. We can write the letters to the editor, we
can write articles to magazines, we can encourage the
media to address our issues in a less than
sensationalistic style. We can write our congressmen and
through use of the World Wide Web encourage others to do
the same. We can approach our local sheriffs, judges and
community organizations and ask them to use restorative
justice practices in our communities and tell them we will
vote based on implementation of these programs.
Victims Rights are right in that their feelings, their
hurts should be considered however, not to the detriment
of our communities and country. We need to let our voice
be heard a voice that encourages change, growth and
forgiveness. A voice that encourages victims to move out
of victimhood and into the roll of survivor. There is
power in making sure the person who made you feel unsafe,
robbed you of your loved one, and destroyed what you
believed to be your future never gets a chance to redeem
themselves. There is greater power if rising above the
need to keep that person down forever. Because you can�t
keep a person down without staying down with them too on
some level. This doesn�t happen over night. It isn�t a
unilateral event. It is something that must be
orchestrated with professionals who are skilled with this
type of justice system. It isn�t for everyone.
It takes a lot of courage for both the criminal and the
victim to come together and work things out. However, the
effects of being confronted by your accuser, really,
confronted, one on one with their families and friends and
your family and friends and to be told face to face how
the crime you committed effected each individual is much
more confrontational and much more effective than the
sterile environment of a courtroom. Very few cases even
get as far as a courtroom. More than 70% of cases are
plea-bargained and rob the victim of the right to face
their attacker anyway.

Things to do if you want to give Restorative Justice a
chance in your loved one�s case.
1.) First check to see if your loved one is open to
the idea of restorative justice.
2.) Contact a national organization for restorative
justice and see if there are any people in your area who
would be willing to work with your loved one and the
victim through this process.
3.) The organization will contact the victim or
victims of the crime. I do not suggest you contact the
victims directly in the case of a violent crime. It takes
a lot of internal work to process through all the pain and
you don�t want to open this up and revictimize the people
involved including your loved one.
4.) If there are no restorative justice professionals
in your area consider being trained in the process
yourself or requesting your local criminal justice
professionals attend training in the field.
5.) There are videos and literature available to see
how the process works. You can find videos on the
internet. You can see the story of one such healing at
www.therapeuticjustice.com and the story of Thomas Ann
Hines who�s son was murdered and how she and her son�s
murderer were able to heal that wound together.


How to Share the Seasons With Someone Inside Without
Spending a Bundle

1.) Send a relief leaf. Take a piece of paper,
collected autumn leaves and crayons. Place leaves under
the paper and use fall colors to gently rub on the paper
and reveal the shapes of the leaves under the paper.
2.) Landmark crazy. Go to local and familiar places
in each season and take photos.
3.) Make a holiday ornament out of paper that can be
put together by your love done inside. I make a Christmas
tree out of paper like I did when I was a small child in
school and send it to my husband every year. You can
easily make icons for other religious events and
traditions as well.
4.) Make a collage of past holidays and seasonal
activities that included your loved one. Copy with a
color copier and cut into the same of a snowman, forest,
or other seasonal shape.
5.) If you are allowed to send audio cassette tapes
then record the wind blowing from the front porch, the
fire crackling, holiday music, a message from everyone who
cares and send it to your loved one.
6.) At home, make a photo tree of your loved one.
7.) At home burn a candle at the holiday table and
send a photo of it and let them know the candle burned for
them.
8.) Set a place at the table for them.
9.) Bring stamped and addressed holiday cards to
events and have loved ones write in each card and collect
them at the event and send them to your loved one.
10.) Dedicate a song to your loved one for each season
of the year.


I love you, I love you, blah, blah, blah, blah�.Wake up!

When was the last time you did something out of the
ordinary to let your loved one on either side of the fence
know that you love them? Don�t become complacent. In
this life style above all others, being pedestrian about
something as important as love is deadly. I challenge you
to think outside the box. Valentines Day is only a few
short months away. I challenge you to do something larger
than life, something you might see in a movie or written
about in a novel to show your loved one, child, husband,
wife, mother, father that you love them. It doesn�t have
to cost a dime. It takes thought. Then write me and tell
me what you did and how it was received by your loved one.
Examples are:
Paint I love you on the side of a barn.
Carve your initials into a dead tree.
Plant two trees and intertwine them so they grow together
always.
Draw the pictures of an entire life spent together. How
will you look in those pictures?
Write a romantic sonnet that includes the names of the
people you love.


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Tips
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Angel Tree

Have your children been singed up for Angel Tree? Get
your loved one to sign them up so they can receive
presents during the holiday season. It is getting late in
the season so please urge them to act fast. They go
through the chaplain�s office to do this. It makes a
painful time for their children a little bit better. My
kids are grown now and still have fond memories of their
Angle Tree event. One time my daughter came to the event
straight out of surgery for a thyroid tumor. She arrived
in her robe and pajamas but she didn�t want to miss the fun
and gifts.


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Prisoners of Love Newsletter Novemeber � Copyright 2002,
Toni K. Cyan-Brock, except where indicated otherwise.
All rights reserved worldwide. Reprint only with permission
from copyright holder(s). All trademarks are property of their
respective owners. All contents provided as is. No express or
implied income claims made herein. Your business success is
dependent on many factors, including your own abilities.
Advertisers are solely responsible for ad content.


To contact us with feedback, questions or praise, email
mailto:subscriber feedback@prisonersoflove.com


To subscribe, please email
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To unsubscribe, please email
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as long as you give credit with a link to our page:
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Prisoners of Love Newsletter Novemeber is an opt-in ezine available by
subscription only. We neither use nor endorse the use
of spam.

Thank you!

RICKEY RATEL JUST WATED YOU TO KNOW I LOVE YOU DEEPLY WITH ALL MY HEART AND TO PUT ALL OF THIS IN TO GOD'S HANDS. WE WILL BE A FAMILY ONE DAY AND IF THAT TAKES FOREVER I'LL BE HERE WAITING...


LOVE,NIKKI
(SPRIKET)

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