New link! Great!

I'm not sure who to thank, but I am grateful.

Joyce

ME TOO!!!THANKS ALOT!!!

WELL,I GOT 3 MORE DAYS BEFORE I GO SEE MY MAN!!I HAVENT GOT A LETTER YET IN REPLY TO THE ONE WHEN I CUSSED HIM OUT NOR HAVE I SENT HIM ONE,THOUGH I DID SEND HIM A POST CARD WHEN I WAS IN NEW YORK ON FRIDAY.I HOPE HE IS NOT MAD,BUT IF HE IS HE'LL GET OVER IT.

I went on a little writing strike and 2 days into it, guess what, i get a letter from Kenny. Dagnabbit, when one of us pulls, the other pushes, it's the weirdest thing.

He's the man for me, i just have to cool my jets and wait around a while. i am not a very patient person, but after having been led to a more spiritual place, i feel like i can handle it.

i joined a gym but i'm feeling too Fat and Forty to get my butt in there. Gosh, I guess I am a little bit shy after all. i'd never have guessed i'd be scared to go to a gym, but the chicks at the open house last thursday were 22 and everyone was over five foot six, and under 120 pounds, and muscular. i am totally intimidated. i'm not even sure how to put my foot in the door, never mind what that foot should be wearing....GOSH!!!

Joyce

Hi, the webmaster is who you have to thank. He is a super nice man with nobody he knows in prison and I am super greatful to his kind works.
I need to know if anyone knows what to do if an attorney who is court appointed did not file the DNA motionhe was supposed to on your behalf? I have bugged this guy for 4 years and now more than ever I am sure he didn't file the paper work on my husband's case and without that I can not prove his innocence. I don't know who to turn to or where to go. The DA will only talk to our attorney and this guy has been telling me two more weeks for 4 years and now the last time he said that my husband was the very last case out of 75 he was handling. The pressure for me to succeed so I can get some money to try and make this 23 wrong right is overwhelming in light of the fact that sometimes 10 minutes of light housework makes me feel like I have been trampled by horses and my good days are out numbered two to one. We contacted the University of Texas and his case is being reviewed. I am only sorry that we didn't do this sooner.
Oh, Joyce. Go to the gym and don't be intimidated. Wear black and make sure your sweats have pant legs instead of rubber at the bottom, it is sliming. I have to go because I gained 20 extra pounds after the hsyterctomy and the current thyroid problem so my cholesterol went up to 270 and when I first went I felt kind of weird but then I thought, you know, freaking A, I am weird and I'm proud of it! Now, when I am home I go nearly every day and I have lost 10 of the pounds and so many inches that my daughter didn't recognized me when she came to get me at a resturant. I find you have got to take your photo the first day and every month after that. I have a visual record of my progress. Pounds first don't drop, they change to muscle pounds which are heavier and it may discourage you but a photo doesn't lie and it makes me proud of my progress. My eatting is 6 hard core days of 5 meals a day with only low fat veggie based and one day I can eat what I want. The next 10 pounds will be harder because it will actually dip me below what I have been for the last decade. When I get there the doctor may want me to lose another 10 lbs to see if that gets my choleserol low so I am right there with you. If you want to be a workout buddy on-line we can meet at my myspace and work on that.
Take care everyone.

Oh, I wanted to tell you that I did get him to put a donaton button on the Home Page so anyone who does want to donate can. The money goest strictly for the web upkeep. It makes me feel better to know that he may get something once in a while. He has kept this going for me for 3 years with nothing because of my health issues and subsequent loss of a lot.

Gate fever is like post traumatic stress. You hear all the time of men almost up for coming home getting into a fight or killing someone inside or something. That is fear of the outside world and if they can make it. It gets so intense for some people they drop to their knees unable to walk as they approach the gate. It is well documented and a wife wrote something on the web that I found a long time ago about gate fever. that is the title. Some get violently ill.
I have not found the link to that 29 psalm for users. I really wanted to give it to the ladies in the jail.

My husband too has gone into hate mode for periods of time. It is very difficult to listen to but now that I have lived a few hours a day inside a jail I can tell you it is a very hard place to maintain your true self and keep uplifted. I would just pray for him and try to explain how hate destroys the hater more than the system or the object of the hate. Then duck. Hee.
:) That was a joke but I know sometimes I couldn't make my husband hear me when he was like that. It will fade. Hate is probably what he is swiming it 24/7
Well, take care. Keep in mind I will not have a computer for some time after tomorrow. Keep strong and I love you all.

JOYCE,I GOT A MEMBERSHIP TO A GYM.I WAS SCARED TO WHEN I WENT BUT WHEN I GOT THERE THE WOMEN WERE BIGGER THAN ME.I EVEN MADE A FEW FRIENDS THERE,YOU WILL HAVE FUN.I TAKE MY TEST ON THE 10TH IF I PASS I START SELLING HOUSES.IF I DONT,WELL,NEVERMIND THAT BECAUSE I WILL.

This is not a cheerful post so if you want to be cheered up skip it okay????? It may help someone you know though. I found the article 29 psalms.I was looking for. It is pretty sad, let me warn you. Now that I have read it I don't think I want to give it to the ladies, unless I take the suicide off the end. Lord knows I don't want to give anyone any horrible ideas. This was found on the page of a deathrow inmate, his name is Joseph P. Payne, Sr.
Wallens Ridge State Penitentiary
P.O. Box 759
Big Stone Gap, VA 24219
He believes that it helps people and perhaps it does. I know I never forgot it after all these years but because I am not an addict I don't feel safe sharing it with the ladies because I don't know each of them and their strenth level.


KING COCAINE IS MY.........


"KING COCAINE IS MY SHEPHERD, I SHALL ALWAYS WANT.

HE MAKETH :ME TO LIE DOWN IN THE GUTTERS.

HE LEADETH :ME BESIDE THE TROUBLED WATERS.

HE DESTROYETH MY SOUL.

HE LEADETH ME IN THE PATHS OF WICKEDNESS.

YEA, I SHALL WALK THROUGH THE VALLEY OF POVERTY AND WILL FEAR NO EVIL FOR THOU, COCAINE, ART WITH ME.

THY CRACK AND NEEDLE COMFORT ME.

THOU STRIPPEST THE TABLE OF GROCERIES IN THE PRESENCE OF MY FAMILY.

THOU ROBBEST MY HEAD OF REASON.

MY CUP OF SORROW RUNNETH OVER.

SURELY COCAINE ADDICTION SHALL STALK ME ALL DAYS OF MY LIFE AND I WILL DWELL IN THE HOUSE OF THE DAMNED FOREVER."


THE 23RD PSALM IS ONE OF THE MOST COMFORTING, BUT THIS VERSION IS HEARTBREAKING. UNFORTUNATELY A GREAT MANY PEOPLE NEED TO SEE IT. THESE TRAGIC WORDS, PART OF A TWISTED REWORDING OF THE BELOVED 23RD PSALM, WERE DISCOVERED IN A CLOSED CAR ALONGSIDE OF A DEAD COCAINE ADDICT. SHE WAS 23 YEARS OLD. "HER DEATH WAS RULED A SUICIDE. A HOOKUP WITH THE CAR'S EXHAUST HAD SENT CARBON MONOXIDE FUMES FROM A RUNNING MOTOR INTO THE VEHICLE. ALSO FOUND IN THE CAR WITH THE DEAD WOMAN WAS A WRITTEN MESSAGE:

"JAIL DIDN'T CURE ME. NOR DID HOSPITALIZATION HELP ME FOR LONG.

THE DOCTOR TOLD MY FAMILY IT WOULD HAVE BEEN BETTER AND INDEED KINDER, IF THE PERSON WHO GOT ME HOOKED ON DOPE HAD TAKEN A GUN AND BLOWN MY BRAINS OUT.

AND I WISH TO GOD HE HAD. MY GOD, HOW I WISH IT."

SORRY,I DIDNT THINK MY POST WAS GIVING THE IMPRESSION THAT I WAS LOOKING TO BE CHEERED UP.I DIDNT MEAN TO OFFEND ANYBODY.I WAS JUST TRYING TO BE FRIENDLY,WELL,NEVERMIND.

Stacya,

I can't speak for Toni, but I took the first sentence of her post as a warning to any of us reading. It is great when we can post an uplifting post. Never apologize for what you post here, as long as it is what you are feeling at the moment. We need that safety to be able to do that here.

I've been in the house since Saturday with a daughter with the flu. I never knew anyone who had the flu before, but she got tested for it yesterday. She just has a fever and no energy. I am hoping she'll be able to go to school on Thursday so I can get back to work!

Have a good one.

Ceil

PS thanks, toni for the archive. It took me a moment to find it, but the icon to make a donation is on the bottom of the home page.

Oh, yeah, no I wasn't talking to stacya, just to anyone. Sometimes I feel vulnerable and the last thing I need is something sad to read...that is all I meant. I hope I didn't hurt your feelings. It was just a general warning. It might not even be sad to other folks. I'm just a mush pot sometimes and I do come here to be cheer myself up sometimes.
I probably won't be able to post again before I get home and have no idea when I will get to be around a computer so take care everyone. I will miss you.

P.S. Ceil, you have my permission to speak for me at any time. You were right on. I'm sorry about the flu. You are lucky you haven't known folks with the flu, I am practically a poster child for the stuff as I get it every single year.

Okay y'all this is just a gripe letter...but I have to get it off of my chest BEFORE I respond to the letter that I just got from my ever-loving husband...who just as an aside is in prison, probably for similar reasons to those of all of us, bad choices leaving us at home to pick up the pieces. The first page was devoted to biblical verses and questioning why I'm having a hard time believing that he has put all of the bad behind him....and accused me of not believing in God if I don't accept that God can change, forgive and make a new man of him. Which I do, with reservations. When he was at home, he was drugging, stealing, cheating on me....generally not an ideal husband, it's like he got caught in this 2nd childhood thing...anyhow, the 2nd page analyzes the money that I'm making and challenges why I have no money and am not sending him $$. His mother sends $100-$200/mo to him. I make bi-monthly visits 5 hours each way (does he realize gas is over $2.00/gal?) I am supporting 4 teenaged boys...I am on DISABILITY and no Food stamps or Medicaid....so you can guess that I'm not living it up....in fact, I have NO life....I buy an occasional outfit at Walmart, I love the dollar store and garage sales (that might be a weakness) and I'm trying to keep a house over our head, food on our table, clothes on our back, cars running, registered, and insured. I'm overwhelmed, tired and burnt out...waiting for someone whom I hope and pray really has changed. I bought a ring (TRUE LOVE WAITS) for my wedding finger in his honor...I don't even flirt w/ other men....I'm just sitting here crying my eyes out, writing this to all of you, and trying to write a letter back to my love that will gently correct and guide him, not chastise him...but ...I don't know, maybe I'll wait til tomorrow.

I found this site a while back when "we" were waiting for sentencing. I have read everyone's stories and can tell the road ahead is not going to be an easy one. I hoped I would never have to post here, but alas, here I am. I don't think I have the strength to tell the details of my story tonight (or enough tears left), but I will say that sentencing was today and here I sit alone. Not exactly the outcome I had hoped for. I can tell that there is a lot of strong women here and I may need a shoulder to cry on once my tear supply replenishes. This also appears to be a great place to vent to others who know exactly what you are going through. Although this is my first post, I feel as though I know everyone here from reading past posts. Thank you for being here, even though I wish none of us had to be.

Goldylox,

Now we know who the "4bears" are.
What you vented about is EXACTLY what I came here to spew. I can't keep up with the maintenance on the house. The fences are falling down and need paint, the heater needs attention (it's leaking), there's ceiling lights out that I can't reach. I miss my maintenace man, and I'm having an absolute hormonal hissy fit that included a huge, nasty argument with my 13 year old son, using language like he was 18 talking to his girlfriend who pissed him off !!
Appalling.

Then I get an email from a "friend" who wants to know where the "strong woman she used to know" went. Sadly, she brought up several good points about how Kenny put me and the kids in danger, and voluntarily did all of this shit to us. But she basically said "adios" unless I leave Kenny.

So I'm not sure I'm going to make it until 2011. We're almost to the one year point of being in custody, it was March 30. I can't even look at the calendar, it just reminds me of that horrible day.

And I'm totally PMSing, crying all night long (don't i look beautiful today? NOT) and i'm just so mad at him for all of the horrible days he has brought into my life. Many, many horrible days of drugs, drinking, fighting, breaking stuff, him leaving, him coming back. Lies, cheating, more fighting, drug dealing, me being complicit, him getting caught and now, like you said, I am left here to pick up the pieces. And pay for everything. Amen. FOR WHAT? a guy we're sure is going to come out and fuck up again after so much heartache? I don't think I can cope with it any more.

When I get my period I will feel a lot better, but I am so pissed off right now, I could hit someone in the head with a big old boot. I almost said "hammer" but I couldn't do that.

Welcome to the site, Rhonda. By the same token, I am sorry that you have to even be here.

I am sick of men.

Love,

Joyce

Godlilox,

My husband gets $50 a month, so it sounds to me like your husband is doing quite well. I have had times when I have had to go totally off on my husband. I am fortunate that his mother sends ME money, not him. So he quotes the Bible and then asks why you aren't doing more? Maybe he needs to read the Bible some more! I don't mean to go off on him, but I just know how hard it is for you and it makes ME angry when ANY of us get told that we aren't doing enough. I have to remember that my husband has his own stuff going on and at times will come off with this crazy stuff like this. He gives me lists of things to do and I just get them done when I get to them. You are going to "gently correct and guide him back." You're a better woman than me, cause I would just explode on him. I swear, these men can be such selfish SOB's some time.

Rhonda, welcome. I remember that day of sentencing. Some days its good, and other days it totally s**ks. When I put everything in God's hands, I'm fine. In fact not even fine but great.

Joyce, Period hurry up and come! I know what you mean. I know your friend means well, but do you really need this additional stress and pressure right now? I don't think so. Do something good for yourself today.

Ceil

Ceil, I really wanted to just tell him where to go and to tell him that I could go on w/o him in my life AT ALL...but that's why I got on here to unload because I do know that I love him....thank you for listening. Maureen

I have no internet at home and that is a very bad thing. I'm alone so much, and I like to read and look stuff up online, come here and post, check out PrisonTalk.com, etc....it's going to be a long weekend without my connection!

Still no period, sheesh, I might have begun the change ... just when I got into the habit of keeping tampons in my purse every 4 weeks or so ... seriously, sweating at night ... this could be it. I'm 45. When Kenny gets out I'll be 50 and he'll be 40. How can I be sure he doesn't leave me for someone my daughter's age??

I'm feeling very vulnerable, insecure, sad, and upset. All day. When Kenny calls tonight, 15 minutes won't be nearly long enough!

Alright, girls, I can face a night home alone with no internet. Not looking forward to it, but whatever. I am so lonely.

Joyce

New to the site actually ran across it looking up info on probation sentencing guidelines. My boyfriend and I have been together alittle over a year (on Feb 06) and he's been down since Oct 05 he was sentenced to 5 years for a probation violation, tested positive for his drug screening. I guess the main reason I am doing this is I feel like my life is falling apart. Bills are behind (I wasnt working before he went BACK to jail) playing catch up then he asks me to send money to someone else so he can hustle some Newports and mail me back the money he made off of them so against my better judgement I did it. This was over 3 weeks ago and I still havent gotten anything from him. He claims he sent it out last week and doesnt know why I havent gotten it. My problem is hes lied to me before he went back to jail and now I dont know what to believe. His only response is "how can money be that tight that $70 hurt so badly?" He just doesnt get it and I dont know what to do I told him not to call me anymore. I cant take the pain and just dont know what to do.
Thanks you listening to me

Hi, I made it back to Texas. I'm at my daughters. You know there was a time that they attributed the stress of my husband's incarceration to irregular periods so bare that in mind. It is the second most stress producing occurance that can happen to a person behind the death of a loved one.
The house falling a part rings true for me too. My house fell apart on me when I could no longer take care of it all by myself. It is really depressing and I feel bad for you.
I too got the "You don't seem like the woman who wrote all that stuff" when I was dealing with my husband's parole denial. I felt like I had been shot through the heart and I am supposed to be Mary Freaking Sunshing? Your friend just doesn't want to worry about you. You will know what the right move is when you see it stay or go. For the record my husband has gone for years without any money on the books. I told him the kids needs came first and he was up for that. Now that we are empty nesters I can get him 30.00 most months. At one time I would give him 10% of my income tax return and he had to make it last all year. He says if he has no money he still gets fed and sheltered and clothed but if I have no money I end up living in the car. Be good to yourself. That is so important in this situation. All my gripes are at attorney's. It isn't fare that you have got to have money to get justice. It is wrong, wrong, wrong.Grrr.
Anyway, make yourself do something healthy and good for yourself.
Keep strong! On the bright side I am going to marry a young couple to each other tomorrow and nobody is in prison. :)
Welcome to the site everybody!

I have some really great news! First of all, I finally got my period and I feel just great. Even better, I FOUND MY FAMILY HEIRLOOM JEWELRY. Back about 7 or 8 months ago, I couldn't find it anywhere, and I was absolutely sure that one of Kenny's crack whore girlfriends stole it. I was thoroughly convinced she stole everything. Well, I was looking in a drawer in the kitchen for a pair of gloves, and low and behold, there is all of my jewelry that I moaned and greived over!

It seems materialistic, but one of the rings was given to my mother, by my father in 1948. That has some serious sentimental value. The other stuff is really, really good jewelry that my Ex- gave me (his father smuggled the stones from South Africa, so there's so intrigue there.)

So now I have my mom's ring to give my daughter when she graduates from college, and I have my wedding band to give to Kevin, plus the engagement ring if he ever finds a girl who can put up with his surly, unpleasant, argumentative self.

>>>

Have a good day and a nice weekend.


LostLoveJack...we're here for you. Welcome. Tell us more. Together, with His help, we can get through anything.

Rhonda, how are you?


Adios! Joyce

Joyce,

Thank you I know now that I am not alone in my situation. Its been about a week since I have excepted any calls from Daryl My anger is overcoming my love for him. To give you some breif history I met him alittle over a year ago and things moved very quickly from the begining. He had only been home for alomost a year (he had just done 2 years in Richmond VA) we quickly started dating and things moved faster then I think either one of us wanted to. He was new to the area and I was newly single (ex-husband was in jail and something happened and he passed away) We did ever spend any time apart. He was up front with me from the start that he was on probation and I was up front with him My days of dealing with a man that was in and out of jail were over with. To make a long story short we got a house together in Aug. 05 and in Oct. he went back to jail. Leaving me w/$1100 in rent and all the house bills as well as my own bills. I'm also in the middle of a custody battle w/my parents trying to get my son back. My baby brother and his g'friend and there daughter moved in w/me as well as my best friend which helps somewhat with the bills but I'm not making the kind of money I use to. All Daryl seems to do is ask for money how can I send you something I dont have then I finally break down and send him that $70 (still havent gotten the money from him) there have been times in the past where he has lied to me and I chalked it up to his drug problem. Making Excuses for him and now here I find myself once again dealing with a man that cant stay out of jail!!!! He swears hes changed and that he wont ever go back again. He's in a drug program in New Kent and he knows my parents cant know that he's back in jail it will hurt any chances I have in getting my son back. Now he has signed a release form for FX to be in a TV show showing the ins and outs of the drug program. I got mad at him b/c what if my parents see that I'll never see my son again--he's hopeing it helps w/his release to come home sooner. But this is his 3rd probation violation. He'll be off probation once he comes home but then theres that chance of him f*#kin up again and I just dont know what to do anymore I love him but right now I'm so mad at him I'm seeing RED!!!
Well this is long enough for now I dont have a computer at home so I only go on on my breaks at work.....Thank you once again for listening to me its nice to know I'm not along

Isnt' it funny, well, maybe not funny...but one day, we are so angry and hurt, and overwhelmed and lonely....then we get a letter or read an old poem or some memory jogs those loving feelings, and we hang in there, despite all of our friends and family's objections...beleiving that they really will change, that their promises are true (Oh God, please let them be true to their promises) Oh the life of a wife of an incarcerated man!

Girls don't go crazy
Woman, hold your man tight
Every day i love him just a little bit more,
A little bit more, a little bit more
Everyday i love him just a little bit more
And he loves me the same

Every day i love her just a little bit more,
A little bit more, little bit more
Everyday i love her just a little bit more
And she loves me the same

Baby if you wanna get on
Oh baby if you wanna get off
It makes no sense at all

I saw red

I saw red, i saw red, one more sacred lover that
I shot dead

Everyday i wake up just a little bit more
Feelin' like a dog out on the yard
Because that's just how we are

Everyday i wonder if it's over
When i wake up realizin' that we hate
And break down the war

You say it's black, but i can't believe you

And if you say it's white,
You say i'm tryin to deceive you

And i'm aware of the high and the low,
And i'd be waiting for you in the middle but i just lack control

Baby if you wanna get low
Oh baby if you wanna get high

It makes no sense at all
I saw red
I saw red, i saw red, one more sacred lover that
I shot dead

Girls, don't go crazy,
Oh girls, don't go crazy when the men use you

Oh, woman hold your man tight
If it makes you feel right, it's your own life

That is a lyric from a band named "Sublime" whose main man died of a heroin overdose early in the '90's.

Gwen Stefani sang the girl part and Bradley Nowell sang the boy part. I've been listening to it, because it's a really great song, then LostLoveJack comes up with this great post about seeing red.

We all see red, and too much.

But I am happy to see red this month...so weird, ever since i got my period, i don't have a care in the world.

Joyce

Joyce,

Thank you once again....I'm glad that your seeing red this month--I wish I was seeing the same red stressed out so much that once again I'm late this month but it's not anything I'm not use to. I actually went out to a friends party last night I never realised until last night when everyone was asking me where I've been that since he's been down I dont seem to go anywhere it's like I've put my life on hold--but I'm slowly getting back on track. I've also joined a gym my boss meets me every morning so it feels good to actually be doing something good for myself. I still havent talked to him and 2morrow is his visitation day but I have my son I cant decided if I should go see him because still havent gotten any mail from him (no money) and the last time we talked I told him I was done with him and now I dont know if thats truly what I want---when does the confusion go away??When does the hurt stop???


Sitting here thinking about all I'm going through
They say what doesnt kill you only makes you stronger--God only puts on you what you can handle--How does He know what we can truly handle?
Wondering what to do
Wondering where do I go from here
Wondering will it all be the same or will those changes really come about
Wondering when the tears will finally come to an end
Wondering when all my pain will be joy again
Wondering is all I seem to do wondering is he hurting as much as me--
Thinking is this truly making me stronger or is it going to break me down
Wondering is love supposed to be this way
Wondering when He's going to take all my pain away
Wondering when the thoughts and memories will once again be my reality
Wondering What to do??

Hi everyone. Sorry I haven't been back to update everyone, but as y'all know, I've had quite a bit going through my own head the last few days.
I'm doing better, Joyce. Thanks for asking. I haven't gotten to the point where I have good days or bad days. I'm still at the point that I have good moments and bad moments. Nights are tough.
Ok, here's some of my details. Mike and I haven't been together that long (less than a year) but it has been a very passionate and intense relationship from the beginning. We live together in a nice house north of Dallas Texas. We have 2 girls (mine is 15, his is 9). Our life was great. Of course, our past and our demons always catch up with us. And his did.
He's been sentenced to 6 months in Collin County. Which I know is a short time considering what could have been, but to me, it seems like forever.
I had my first visitation with him last night. That was tough! As I was walking down the long hall to the visitation room, I was praying, "Please GOD don't let me cry. Let me be strong for him." Thankfully, GOD heard this prayer and agreed to it. Mike, however, was not so lucky. I've never seen him cry. It broke my heart.
Does anyone know if Collin County gives time for good behavior? Mike seems to think that they don't. Again, I'm praying to GOD that they do. I've been burning up my hotline to GOD, but even if I don't see the results I want, I know he is at least listening.

Hello everyone,

In case I dont have enough stress in my life with fighting all the time w/my man my baby brother was in a near fatal car accident this weekend. Thank God he is going to be ok he is in ICU for the next few weeks I dont think there is a bone in his body that isnt broken. He had to have brain surg. once again Thank God it worked they thought he was going to have perment brain damage...but he wont its just going to be a long road to recovery---As for me and my man I went to see him on Sunday and all we did was fuss at the end of Visitation he got up through his hands up and told me to wash my hands of him and then walked away what makes it so hard is he doesnt have contact visits yet and I went to see him to let him know about the accident and see what we can do to work things out there is too much history to walk away but now I dont know what to do because he is acting like I'm wrong for being upset over the money and that means I dont love or care about him-----when does it get easier---will he ever understand where I'm coming from--but at least things will get better for me--I start my 2nd job this week :)

Mrs. Jack, I don't know if it ever gets easier, you just get used to the pain and the lonliness.

This one year anniversary that's coming up at the end of the month has got me pretty shaken up. Maybe I should be glad to have a year down, but then I think how much I have changed, and what's happened to him in the past year, and I wonder if we're going to be Okay in another 5 or 6 years. It seems too long. I pray for the strength to make it through this.

He called last night, sounding all sweet and vulnerable. He needs money, and I have had major hit after major hit with regard to money. I managed to get him $15...he's going to think I am totally lame! But I do what I can when I can!

I'm very sorry to hear about your brother's car crash. As if you don't have enough to deal with. I hope he's going to be okay, but it sounds like a long road to recovery.

Spring is around the corner, ladies, so let's keep our chins up!

Love---Joyce

I hope your brother makes it through this, Mrs. Jack. Just one more thing for you to worry about! Don't let your spirit be broken.
I got a phone call from Mike last night. He was in quite the foul mood. He apolgized for being rude at the end of the call, but that doesn't make it easier to deal with. He was moved yesterday which messes up our visitation schedule (that worked out really well with my work schedule), so he was not happy. I'm trying to change my work schedule to accomodate his new visitation times. I know it was nothing personal towards me, but I still don't think he knows how hard it is for us "doing time" on the outside.
He also found out that the sentences he was given (2 6month sentences) may not run concurrent, so he may be in for a year. Definitely not what I wanted to hear. I was just (barely) coming to terms with 6 months. Now I'm in funk again.
I feel completely defeated. I bounce between extreme sadness (missing him like crazy) and anger (for having to go through this in the first place). I know I'm not going through anything different than y'all have gone through, but I hate this total "out of control" feeling. Good thing I'm not a control freak or I'd probably drive myself crazier than I already am.
I'm just glad I found this place where I can put down my thoughts, receive support, and not be judged. Thanks y'all!

Hello Ladies,

Thank you my brother is doing alot better he should hopefully be out of ICU today and he is back to his rotten mean self--I never thought it would be a good thing to be saying that about him but it is--since I finally have a day off from work I'm going to spend some time w/him tomorrow

As for me and Daryl things havent gotten any better we are now just friends so we'll see

Okay here goes, I have no idea what I'm doing, but I thought maybe one of you could help me out. I have been trying to locate an old friend of mine. We grew up together, but I got married and we lost contact. To make a long story short, my searching has led me to Washington State Penn. Do any of you know how to confirm if he is incarcerated in one of the prisons? I would really like to be his friend expecially if he is in there. Thank you for your help.

Idaho, my guy is in with the Feds, and for that reason I know that the BOP website has a very comprehensive inmate locator. I think every state probably has one too. Well, I just checked it out and it looks kind of crappy.

"When I despair, I remember that all through history the way of truth and love has always won. There have been tyrants, and murderers, and for a time they can seem invincible, but in the end they always fall, always." By Mahatma Gandhi

Makes me feel good, thought that I'd share it w/ you guys!

Hi, I wanted to send my best wishes to all of you here, knowing some of what you go through. I myself have been through the prison system and have turned to writing about it. I realize there is never a single word that can be said to heal the problems of prison, but I try to share my experiences and feelings on many issues.

I want to share this link to my prison blog, which I started on October of 2005. As of this date, I have just over 100 entries, and I talk about a variety of things that tie in with prison issues. Maybe some of them can help you. Here is my link to Grades of Honor:

http://gradesofhonor2005.blogspot.com/2006/02/whats-prison-like.html

I always try to answer any emails I get, and I hope that what little I write helps you through these difficult times.

Hi, I checked out your blog. I was reading over it during my lunch break today. Many very compelling essays, and well worth anyone's time to read.

Thanks for sharing!

I have a visit with Kenny tomorrow, and I have to break the news that I can't see him next weekend or the weekend after, so we have to go 3 weeks between visits. He's not going to be happy. Neither am I.

Have a good weekend, everyone.


Joyce

HI, ladies. My goodness we have all been going through things this past week. I hope all is well. I am still suffering and feeling trapped by the feeling that our attorney has not done the paper work we have been waiting for for 4 years on the DNA. I just keep getting the darn run around. I can't talk to the DA only our attorney can and he seems to be in the business of taking the money from the state to represent people and not doing anything. I can't get any satisfaction. Then the Innocence project down in Houston won't help us because we are under Chapter 64 and since he has this numbnut appointed they can't help us. The deal is another branch of the innocence project told us to write the motion ourselves, which we did and that we would get an attorney appointed which happened and now that he isn't doing a blessed thing the people who sent us on this journey are abandoning us. ON April 20th we will have been a romantic couple for 10 years. Pre marriage time. We thought we would be waiting for 2 years max before we would be out from under this. I feel so helpless. Money would help in this situation and so fat I have not been able to go back to work full time and when I do I have to be bringing down the big bucks to hire the 50,000 dollar lawyers who say they can help. How this will happen is unknown to me.
The good news is my husband is participating in Kairos as a speaker this time and he is nervous and excited about that and I am happy for his spiritual journey. I don't know how he makes it. I guess one moment at a time.
Take care ladies thanks for letting me vent. OH, I earned a computer while I was in Virginia and so within a week or two I will have my own computer again. I am pretty excited about that.
Collin County Jail is right up the hwy from me. I live off of 380.
Tomorrow I get to see my husband for the first time in like nine weeks. Yeppie! nine weeks, I could have had a litter of kittens in that amount of time. What is weird is people think I visit him for his sake but I visit him for my sake.

Toni, I'm in Texas too...Dallas, what is the Innocence Project, What is Kairos....clue me in, please...

Hello Everyone,
Hope all is going well with everyone. Just wanted to check in to let ya'll know my brother's condition went from good to now he has blood clots in his leg and isnt getting enough oxygen to his blood. Once I get off of work 2day I'm going to spend the rest of the day at the hospital with him. I can say when I talked to my man I recevied a nasty letter in the mail from him explaining that since I wasnt working b/f he went back down it's my own fault and problem that money is tight---Still havent gotten that check he claims he mailed out--I'm now getting to the point that I'm finding myself more angry with him then happy the confusion is becoming overwhelming--trying to figure what is the truth and what is just "jail talk" How am I supposed to stand by someone that doesnt understand that we're doing this time together and its not easy on me either..

Kenny and I had a nice visit. He beat me at Rock-Paper-Scissors.

I wish he could come home soon.

Hi, Dallas neighbor! If you ever see a little reddish ford ranger with a bummpersticker that says "Strive to be extrodinary" and "attitude changes everything" on it...that is me. I am always on the road. I work out in Allen and live in Princeton and hang out in Dallas for film work. The innocence project is a program started with the help of the attorney Barry Scheck. He uses dna evidence to prove people's innocence and had gotten at least 12 people off of death row and other sentences using that. I've met him and my daughter gave him a copy of the book I wrote and broke down crying because he is one of her heros. Well, they have branches out of different places and in Texas we got instructions to write our own motion about 4 years ago. Since we don't have the money for a pay lawyer we did it and they appointed a lawyer. The lawyer was supposed to represent us and get the dna that should prove my husband was just a dumb kid with learning disablitites who was bullied into signing a pretyped confession. The lawyer at the time a Tom Mills told my husband that he should not take the plea bargain because there was no evidience. He was right. But then he basically used the defense that the person was in a high danger lifestyle and someone one would have killed them anyway. What? There was a hung jury, 6-7 and they retryed him the very next monday ( both trials were one day long) and this time there was even less evidence if that is even possible, but there was still a pre-typed confession and the prosecuter said in her closing arguments that "If you don't find this sweet young man guilty I am going up stairs and quit my job because I know a guilty man when I see one." and Tom Mills objected and the jury was told to "disreguard" the last statement of the prosecution??? how do you forget that? Well, the appeal was based on the attorney saying the prosecuter was a paid representative and had to say my husband was innocent." that was the the least of it. Anyway, that was shot down and even though my husband who was dumb and scared at the time and told he would get one year if he signed the paper got a life sentence. That was 23 years ago and we go from trying to do something ourselves to giving up, to crying, to trying again and now we have this guy who I don't beleive is doing his job and can't figure out how to prove it. Who do I call? The website says not to contact the judge. The da won't talk to me. The attorney just tells me he is going to have results in a week, 3 months, 2 weeks and never produces anything. Anyway, I don't know where to turn. The innocence project who was supposed to help us is now saying that because we did what they told us to do they can't help us. I just don't get it. I investigated the crime myself, talked to his friends and stuff. Heck even another man's name is on the police report. I don't talk about this stuff to anyone really. It is too painful. I mean, it is a nightmare. Even when I went on Joan Rivers radio show she asked me about that instead of the families of prisonsers like we had discussed with the producer. To feel he did the crime is actually soothing compared to the thought of him being in there for something he didn't do. I even went to a somewhat famouse psychic for help in this matter. The information she gave me was viable but if we can't get into the court with the dna part the rest doesn't matter.
Kairos is a religous walk inside prison. He went on it a few years ago and he dropped a lot of anger over this situation, how must be an act of God for sure... anyway, he was going to talk at one of the monthly meetings but at visit he told me he was going to wait for a while because he didn't think he had enough to offer. If any of your men are open to religion, not just the kind where you use it to get what you want, some of my own prison pen pals have done that type of stuff, anyway, I think it is a very positive spiritual situation. I went to Kairos OUtside for us ladies and you don't have to be Christian and it was a very nice pampering and rejuvinating experience for myself and one of my daughters went once and she also felt it was a positive thing.
Okay, that is it. My visit was very good also. I was pretty tired from the drive and I feel that bleeds over into our visits. Also a check I was expecting didn't come so I had to bum money from my daughter for snacks and will have to use my overdraft to get home. Life is funny stuff. I am going to be a high roller someday. ) Oh, one more thing on getting a gullible teen to sign a confession. You tell them over and over that they did it and that you can prove it for hours on end. Then you tell them step by step and get them so used to hearing the story that when you ask them about how they did it they actually correct you if you get one of the things wrong. My goodness._ Take care.

Hi ladies! It sounds like there are a lot of us in the Dallas area.
My visit with Mike didn't go so hot on Sunday. He seemed pretty depressed. He said the weekends are really tough on him. He was teary eyed most of the visit. I hate to see him that way. It breaks my heart! He keeps telling me that all he wants to do is come home. Then he goes into how unfair this is to me (which I agree with, but what can a girl do?) and how I need to just get on with my life. I have told him over and over that I'm not going anywhere and that we will make it through this.
I think about people like Janine who waited 5 years and is now thankful that she did. And like you Toni, you have got to be one of the strongest women I've ever heard of. I don't know if I could survive your situation. Our little bit of time apart is a cake walk compared to some.
I'm just glad he's close enough that I can see him twice a week and he calls almost every night. That seems to help both of us.
I hope everyone had a good weekend and were able to keep their spirits up.

rhonda, you're a breath of fresh air.

I dearly wish Janine would check in again. Does anyone have her email address? Her story makes anything seem possible.

Toni, I agree completely with Rhonda, you are a rare jewel. Your strength gives me strength, girl.

It's a very pretty day here in the northeast. another Spring without Kenny on a motorcycle... someday we'll ride again ;)

joyce

Hey y'all! I hope everyone is keeping their spirits up.
Yesterday was a bit of a tough day for me. The whole drive home (1 1/2 hours) I was wishing Mike would be there when I walked in the door. Obviously I knew he wouldn't be but I still wished that he would. By the time I pulled into the driveway, I was almost in tears because I was missing him so. I went to the mailbox and there was a letter from him. The first one! I immediately burst into tears. It was like he knew I would need him and he was there for me the only way he could be, by mail.
GOD works in mysterious ways. He will never give us more than we can handle (even when we're not sure). Keep your chins up ladies! We will survive this!

Hello everyone,

Hope all is going good and everyones spirits are up. I was wondering if anyone knows how to find someones DOC number on line. I'm trying to find out when Daryls release date is and I know I can do that online but he said his inmate number and DOC number are different and he doesnt know his DOC #. I've tried using the inmate locater and it keeps saying he isnt found so I dont know what else to do

Thanks

Hey y'all...it's wild but when I leave my house, which seems like practically never anyway, all this has me overwhelmed and depressed....but all I want to do is check in and see how everyone is doing...and about your visits and to share my frustrations...and maybe we should start a dallas support group :)

And Toni, I'd give ANYTHING to read your book, are copies at all available?

LostLoveJack,

Is Daryl a Federal Inmate? If he's in with the county or the state, you won't find him on the BOP locator.

Let me know, I'll try to help you as best I can.

Joyce

Joyce,

Daryl is in New Kent (Richmond VA) he is doing state time. Is there anyway I can find out what his release date is going to be. We went to court on 1-24-06 and he said it takes about 120 days before they let him know. I just am trying to see truly how much longer I have without him. His sentence was 5 years but he was given credit for time he did in the past so he said he should be home roughly September 2007. I know his lawyer said he actually does 10 months and 2 weeks per year. So it should be about 3.5 yrs. but he was given credit for 24 months. All this is truly starting to drive me crazy. I miss having him with me and part of me thinks it will be easier if I know when he'll be home.
Thank you once again

http://www2.vipnet.org/cgi-bin/vadoc/doc.cgi

Try this link, or cut and paste it. Having the exact spelling of first and last name is critical.

Joyce

Lovelostjack,

If Daryl is still in the city or county jail, you probably won't find it yet. My husband's info didn't show up until he was transferred to the state facility. He will be given a DOC # at that time, which you will need to include on letters. Virginia DOC has a website that gives you info on the facilities, visitations, etc. I just go to Yahoo and type in Virginia DOC and get to it that way.

I'm feeling kinda low right now. I've been off for 2 days with sick kids again. It is so hard. I am not even getting paid for this last day. My principal is fine with it, but it is just so hard. So we went out and got another dog! My daughter has been wanting an indoor dog, so today we went to the pound and they had a beagle, which is what I've been wanting. She seems like a pretty good dog, so far. But this now gives me 3 cats and 2 dogs - 1 indoor and 1 outdoor. And I'm still depressed, which means I'll just eat tonight. My youngest calls the dog, Daddy. I miss him so much.

Ceil

Ceil,
Thank you for the info I'm not sure when he's being moved to a state jail. I guess once I find out then I can find everything else out.

As for me the days seem to be getting harder to deal with Daryl and I talk less and less each week. With the 2 jobs I'm never home anymore but tomorrow is visitation so I'm looking foward to that I miss my baby :( I cant stand not talking to him or seeing him. And with us fighting lately it hasnt made things any easier--hopefully visitaion will go well.

Hope everyone had an enjoyable weekend

Lostlovejack,

I tried to post another message last night, but had a problem with the computer. I live in Roanoke. My husband first went to Deep Meadow for classification and then got transferred from there. He is now in Tazewell, which is in far west Virginia. Once he gets to classification, you will have contact visits. Although, if he goes to deep Meadow, they are VERY strict in what you where. I got turned away once because my shirt went up and some of my stomach was exposed if I lifted my arms all of the way up. since he's been moved it hasn't been anything like that.

Ceil

Dear Ceil, I was wondering when you would check in again. Please don't feel low; we're here to help bolster you and make you feel like YOU CAN.

Every time I think i need a dog, i volunteer to walk my neighbor's dogs, or (get this) at the end of July, i have a co-worker's Puggle (cross between a Pugg and a Beagle) coming to stay with us for the last week of July. The cats can deal with it, i just wonder if "Gus" can. the little whipper-snapper... he's in for a bit of culture shock.

Missing Kenny is like "a hobby of mine"

what i mean is, my life goes on, with all of the customary pain and disappointment, but with THE MAN IN THE CAN, it's all just so much more of an open wound, instead of a little cut you can put neosporin and a band-aid on.

sheesh, i think i sound poetic, so it's definitely time to sign off.

keep the faith, ladies!

joyce

Hi, Yes there are copies of the book around. Plenty. I am still buying my publisher out so I can republish or something. I'm unsure what I want to do at this point. I am just trying to get the remaining copies paid for so I can do something.
I am here in my daughters subteranian apartment in Dallas where she is ill and it is flooded. Heavy sigh.
I am trying to find out what number of years a life sentence is in Texas. I think it is 65 years but I need to know because Johnny has to serve 1/3rd of that straight time before he can come home on manditory supervison because of the Govan ruling. I think. I pray. Actually, prayer is the only thing that works in this situation. I wrote a really hard core Christian Prayer for the innocent that I am saying with my husband daily now. I am doing my best to not pull any punches at this point. Parole failed, DNA testing the guy just took the money and ran and then when we tried our own writ it got shot down when the judge vouched for the attorney. God is all we got and that is a lot.
I don't think I am any stronger than you guys. I just do this one day at a time and try my darnedest to do things to keep a smile on my face while I wait.
My visit went well but driving through fire and high wind on the way home was scary.
My daughter who is 21 was very upset that life was so hard. She asked me how I do it and I said I adopted the Buddist stance that life is suffering. When you expect it, it doesn't seem to hurt as much and the blessings are that much sweeter. If I think life should be neat and my husband should be home and I should be doing good and everything...I just go to pieces. I just focus on the knowledge that suffering is part of life and I am supposed to learn something from it. I still get upset don't get me wrong but it is always when I think it should be better.
So, now back to my problem...how long is life in Texas?

Toni,
--- A prisoner serving a life sentence for a capital felony is not eligible for release on parole until the actual calendar time the prisoner has served, without consideration of good conduct time, equals 40 calendar years.

see http://brokenchains.us/TXParoleInfo.html
Can you email me off site???
Maureen

OOOPs...it goes on to say::: A prisoner serving a life sentence under Section 12.42(c)(2), Penal Code, is not eligible for release on parole until the actual calendar time the prisoner has served, without consideration of good conduct time, equals 35 calendar years.

Hi, My husband is under the old law which is 1/3rd but it is based on an age. I don't think they changed that retroactively. in 1983 when he was sentenced those are the rules that are supposed to apply to him. Unless, they screwed us out of that this late in the game too. Sometimes I just want to get on a camel and ride into the desert and wait for a sand storm to swallow me up rather than deal with all this legal mumbo jumbo. I was good at this earlier but it has chewed me up.
Thank you.
First this crime was not aggrivated. I mean, he wasn't even tried with the word aggrivated but a nunc pro tung order was used past the time allowed and to do something other than to correct a clerical error. blach.
Iwill e=mil you.

Okay, I can't e-mail because this isn't my computer. I'll wait until mine arrives. What he is under is known as the old law. He has been elegible for parole twice since the 20 year mark so I know that much is different. The govan ruling should mean that he is eligible for manditory release after the 20 year mark. Previously he wasn't becasue of people serving 99 years were actually having to serve more time than a life sentence.
I don't know when I will get my computer. Someone built it for me and it should be here any day.

Oh, I keep forgetting to mention this. Did you hear about the parole packet scam here in Texas? I had been told this office here in Dallas could help my husband get early release on Parole. The man was very nice, a Bob Johnson, well hew anted 9500.00 for the trick and that was 3500 down and 500 a month and well, I don't have that and I beat myself up over it because, well, I want my husband home. I had to just make peace with it. They claimed they had an inside track with the parole board. Well, on the news here in Dallas last week there was a story on how they ripped families off for 1.5 million dollars and the story had people crying on the screen and all who had given money with no results. There is currently a criminal investigation and they Parole services place is saying they are being unfairly targeted. Anyway, I guess it was actually a blessing I didn't have the money or they would have had it. So often I think how my life would be so much easier if my husband could even work flipping burgers for minimum wage and bring that home...if I had the money I would have justified the expense...so I actually feel like I dodged a bullet there. I just wanted to let you know about this situation in case it applies to any of you. When you are as desparate as this situation can make you it is easy to become a victim.

Hey everyone! I hope everyone had a good weekend. The rain here in Dallas had me good and depressed by Sunday.
I got to see Mike on Sunday morning. He was up and down like a rollercoaster. One minute we'd be laughing and talking and then the next he'd be in tears telling me how much he misses me and that he wants to come home. It makes it hard when he gets like this. Sunday was the first time in a few weeks that I cried when I left visitation. I miss him so much and hate that I can't do anything to fix this situation. I'm a problem solver and this one is out of my control. It may drive me crazy!
I'm trying to just accept what GOD has given me and go with the flow, but I agree that it would be easier to deal with if we knew a release date. At least then I would have something to look forward to.
But we all survived another weekend and that puts us that much closer to our men coming home. What a blessed day that will be! Have a great week.

lol, goox and depressed by saurday....it's a wonder we're not all doing herion. crap.

Don't post when drinking!!

Joyce! You are crackin' me up!

This weekend was supposed to be my first contact visit w/ my husband in 6 months...but a series of ...well here's the story. They were overcrowded and behind in visitation and they rushed him into visitation after making him wait forever and didn't allow him into the bathroom...and after our first kiss, hug and a soda...he couldn't hold it and we had to terminate the visit so that he could urinate...UGH! A 1 1/2 hour drive for about a 20-25 minutes instead of 2 hours...
Just call me sad!

Hello Ladies

Hope all is well with everyone. I went to see Daryl this weekend and because of traffic I was 15 minutes late to visitation then it took them almost 10 minutes to bring Daryl down. One of his friends came with me so instead of having a 45 minute we had 20 minutes and still no contact visit then I found out that they most likey wont be transfering him to a state jail b/c they want to keep him in the drug program--so that will be another 18 months before I can even give my baby a hug. I swear if it's not one thing it's another. He was approved for work release then the judge turned it down. He wants to put in for a sentence reduction but I dont see that happening since this is the 4th time he's in off a probation violation. He's also not doing good his birthday is on the 26th and mine is a week later so he's depressed that he's spending yet another b'day in jail. I feel like no matter what I say to him it's not enough to bring his spirits back up. Sometimes it seems like it gets harder with each passing day--now that I know I wont be able to feel his arms around me until he comes home!!!! I wish there was something I could do to show the judge that he has changed and he needs to come home NOW!!! But of course why would they listen to me. I'm just praying that he is right and it will only be another 18 months until he comes home.

Well I guess I'm done for now--Keeping everyone on this site in my prays that all our prays will be answered sooner then we think--

Joyce,

You crack me up, too. I guess our motto should be "don't drink and type."

We didn't get to go see David this weekend because my third child finally got sick. It didn't really bother me until Monday, when it hit me that I really missed seeing him. We've been talking alot and we need to cut down to make our calls last until the end of the month. I guess this is why I keeping getting all these animals! We are now up to 3 cats and 2 dogs. I told David the whole house will be full by the time he gets home.

On the positive note, my girls are doing a much better job of listening and helping around the house. It makes such a difference!

Well, almost time for American Idol. I love Taylor!

Ceil

Thanks for not totally getting on my shit about that, girls.

When Kenny comes home, we all have to be 2,000 percent clean and sober. That could be a challenge. For me, not for him.

Reason is, the pain and lonliness makes drinking seem like a real alternative to my regular life.

That's sad but true.

Joyce,

I know what your saying about the drinking. It seems like ever since Daryl has been down I find it's easier to sleep after a few beers. I dont think I've slept a solid night in the past 6 months I can only imagine what the next 18 months is going to be like. I know I need to stop drinking so much and once he's home but right now I agree with you it does make the lonliness and pain go away to bad it's just for that moment.

Hello everyone,

Wow when it rains it pours. I was just told at my job I have the choice of either having no job or becoming a car sales person and make commision only. I have no choice but to try to sell cars since I quit my 2nd job and the job market in VA isnt that great. Talked to Daryl last night and he got into a fight and really hurt the other person but he didnt get in any troble they said it was self defense. The scary part is he said he enjoyed doing it b/c he needed to get out alot of agression maybe if I find someone to do that to I might feel better but I know that wont work. Well I dont know when I will be able to post again since I wont have the use of the computer at work anymore. I will try to check in as often as possible. Hope all goes well with everyone--keep your spirits up since sometimes that all we have.

lostlovejack, sorry to hear about the bad job news. i shudder to think what would happen if my job situation changed a whole lot. i really rely on it, not only for making a living and making ends meet, but to engage my mind and efforts and i admit, its keeps me out of trouble.

as in "keeps me off the streets!"

well, i'm off to a wonderful family tradtion: all of my sisters, our 2 girl cousins, our daughters (unless they're TOO BUSY teenagers/yound adults!) get together on a weekend and we lay around and talk and eat and drink and laugh and look at pictures.

good thing i joined that gym: it's easy to put 5 pounds on in one day with these ladies (Polish, Irish, Italian, etc) and every last one of them can cook up a storm.

You had to terminate a visit because he had to pee!?!?!?!?!

Joyce,

That sounds like a wonderful tradition. Lovelostjack, sorry about your job situation. I have heard of 2 other people who were in really, really good jobs and got laid-off. What is happening?

We are going to visit David today. ITs been 3 weeks, so I'm really looking forward to seeing him.

Have a great Saturday.
Ceil

Why is that visits are so bittersweet? You get to see him, touch him, hug him, kiss him or even just hold your hand to his between glass but then ultimately the visit is too short, and you and you alone get into the car to drive home...and that's when you feel like the lonliest person in the world!

Hello everyone, My husband has been in for about 13 mths now and I am just trying to make it financially... Thank GOD I found this site.
DOES ANYONE KNOW OF ANY RESOURCES FOR AFFORDABLE HEALTH CARE? Please share if you do.

Goldy - I know exactly what you mean. All of Mike and I's visit's are with glass between us. At this point I would gnaw off my left arm just to be able to touch him, to smell him. I hate the long walk down the long hall after visitation. It takes twice as long leaving as it does to get there. I try to remember though, that it is one more visit down and only X more to go. (After yesterday I'm down to 21 visits!) Soon I will be in the teens! I'll be really excited when I can finally say, this is the last visit!
We did have a good visit though. This was one that was filled with lots of laughs and no tears! That's a first. Usually one of us cries at least a little.
I don't know when this is suppose to get easier, but so far it hasn't. I doubt it ever will. I can only accept the time for what it is and keep plugging along.
I hope everyone has a great week and keeps their spirits up. Remember, GOD will not give us more than we can handle and that which does not kill us only makes us stronger.

I had a nice visit with Kenny on Sunday. At a Federal Camp (at least the one he is at) visiting is from 8:30 until 3:00. I find myself, more often than not, kind of chomping at the bit to leave early. It's not that I don't want to be with Kenny, it's that I feel the pull of my home. With working all week, it's hard to get everything done that I feel I need to be doing on the home front.

Especially with the nicer weather, I need to get out in the yard and try to keep the place from not looking a like a dump!

I'd come every other week, or even more often if I knew it wouldn't kill the whole day, but with 4 1/2 hours in the car, and 6 hours of visiting, my day is shot. I wonder if he'd like to see me every week for 3 hours. I might have to propose that. It's just hard to sit there that long. I hate to say it, but it's a little boring sometimes!!

Any thoughts?

Joyce

Gosh, my visits are usually 1 to 1 1/2 hours long. With the kids, we can't do too much more. I couldn't imagine sitting there for 6 hours. This place where he is now doesn't have games or even real food, so its just sitting, talking and eating junkfood. He wants me to come up alone, and I want to. but I still couldn't imagine getting up really early in the morning to go and spend 6 hours. The weekend is my time off and I sleep as late as I can. I guess I'm just shocked because I didn't realize people were spending that much time visiting. Any suggestions - just remember to take care of yourself. You are the one in control of this situation and you have to do what is best for you. I try to make it every other week, but sometimes I can't do that and David always understands.

I am really missing David today and don't think I can do this for 5 more years. I'm starting to write letters to judges and I may even write one to the DA. We're the ones suffering - not David.

Ceil

Hello ladies, I did'nt really introduce myself last night but I am Tammy, my guy has been in since last Feb. I have 2 little ones 2 and 5 they really miss their Dad.

I can relate to joycerooni wanting to leave just thinking of all the things I have to get back to I get stressed. I usually don't last more than 3hrs with my kids because they get bored and there is no toys of course. But I miss my husband sooo much.

Tammy,

welcome to the site. Virginia has a health insurance program for kids that doesn't cost me anything. It is called FAMIS. Its for people who don't qualify for medicaid. I know how hard it is financially. I am really struggling right now with money and missing my husband and wondering if its all worth it. I got sick during the night and haven't felt good all day. I think stress has something to do with it. I'm going to see a new doctor to get my antidepressants increased - or something. I cannot do this for 5 more years.

Ceil

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Hi Ladies! The reason I put that row of x's there is to mark the place where I left off copying this and sending it to Kenny. Sorry if no one likes it, but he likes reading what we all have to say about how we're coping, or not.

Ceil, it's good you're following up and taking care of your depression. I know first hand how debilitating it can be, then with the added stress of having your husband in prison, you need to take care of that.

Hi Tammy. Welcome to the site.

I'm kind of excited because this coming Saturday I'm bringing a friend of Kenny's with me on a visit. It's been a year, and he's the first non-family member to get approved for a visit. We ought to have a nice time, but there's no way I'm staying for 6 hours.

Wow, it just occured to me that we might be able to go up on his motorcycle!!!!!!!! WOW

Thank you for the Ins info I'll check it out. I work such long hrs. it's hard for me to get online sometimes. I see my husband on Saturdays so I am looking forward to tomorrow. God Bless you all... you are in my prayers I know first hand what a difficult journey this is!
Tammy

Wow, I really came to a head this morning. I have been feeling sick in my stomach all week and I know its just stress, anxiety, etc. I went online at school and took a depression test and it said I was severly depressed and to get help immediately - like I didn't know that. I told one of my friends at work that I needed her help and that I needed to so something today! I couldn't get an appt. with a doctor today, but was able to get an appt with a therapist. She couldn't do anything about my meds, but it was good to talk to someone and have her verify that I am depressed and need to do something. Then I called my sister-in-law about something else and she talked to her husband - who is a doctor - and he called in another prescription for me to go with what I'm taking now to hold me ovedr until I see the doctor on 4/10. I didn't even think about calling her. Once again, God took care of me. Part of me feels that I should be able to handle this, because there are lots of single moms in the world, but it was really helpful to have someone else tell me that I am overwhelmed and that it is okay. I think the fact that i did SOMETHING helped. I had a good talk with David about it tonight too. Its hard for him to hear that I'm struggling and he comes out with some stupid stuff like "you should exercise" which just pisses me off. It is so hard for me to ask for help - and to admit that I need help. But today I got to the point where if I didn't get help I didn't know what I would do. Do I did, and I feel better.

Ceil

Hi, ladies. I am at my daughters while visiting my husband. Well, you know how I was thinking the lawyer didn't do the DNA motion? Well, he finally did but never told us. I finally parked down town in Dallas and walked my way through the Federal, State and County courts until I found the 195th only to find out it was bad news. They denied our request to test the DNA. Without that it is impossible to prove he didn't do the crime unless the real person came forward which would be a bonifide miracle. My husband and I are taking it hard and taking it well as hard as we are taking it. This may be our lives. It may be all we have for the rest or our lives. Parole is an option but as long as "The nature of the crime" can be used it can go on for ever. He was talking about me getting anohter husband. I told him that made sense in the real and logical world but that I don't feel the inclination to look for someone else and that to his surprize there isn't a line of eleigble well funded suitors standing in line lamenting the fact that I'm married. Ha. There might come a day that I feel differently but I don't feel like leaving a marriage because of something that existed before we married. AKA incarceration even though I do not recommend this life-style to anyone. I am kind of weepy. I get to see him again tomorrow and hopefully we will bet our strength back and be able to look life in the face again. It is just discouraging to the max. The judges secretary said that she was sorry it was bad news. I told her we haven't had good news in 23 years. I don't see how one person can be let down so many times.
I just had to vent. Take care, I am going back to Virginia like I thought I wouldn't. The folks need some help and I need some money. I am supposed to meet with Tom Lagana who wrote the Chicken Soup for the Prisoners Soul and that will be nice since we have talked for about 8 years with not ever meeting. Sigh. It doesn't seem all that cool in light of the fact I am missing my husband and life long friend more than ever.

"to his surprize there isn't a line of eleigble well funded suitors standing in line lamenting the fact that I'm married."

Toni, I admire your strength, and more importantly your sense of humor through this horrible ordeal that seems to have no end.

I brought Kenny's friend, Hugh, with me on Saturday and we had a really great time. At first they thought he wasn't on the list. They had him as "Reed Hugh" and were adamant that "Hugh Reed" wasn't on the list. Fortunately it didn't take too long for them to realize they had it backward.

Imagine, the BOP having something bass-ackward.

I hope you all have a good and productive week. I think I will. There's lots of fun stuff on my little schedule, not the least of which is trying to get by until payday with $17. I think I can do it, which is half the battle.

Hasta! Joyce

FYI, Ceil: I think it's harder to have your husband in prison than it is to be a widow. If you were a widow, the kids would be getting social security benefits, and everyone would be trying to hitch you up to the latest cute divorced guy within 10 years either way of your age.

Hang in there, I'll be praying for you, and I hope your appointment goes well on the 10th.

Toni,

I started this post saying I was sorry for your bad news and then changed it, because I hate for people to feel sorry for me. It is more of an empathy. It sure doesn't make sense to me that they wouldn't test something that could prove a man's innocence. How hard could it be? Working with the court system is hardly ever about common sense, though, is it? I swear, sometimes they'll spend money and time when a cheaper, more time efficient method is available but because its different or makes too much common sense they won't do it. I just finished writing a letter to each of the judges who sentenced David explaining this same thing. I doubt they will even read it, but it sure felt good to write it.

Ceil

Ceil, our attorney told me NOT to write to Kenny's judge. I still want to though. I want to do whatever I can to end this nightmare sooner than later.

I sent email to Janine. She's well and sends her best.

Joyce

Joyce,

David's attorney told me he wouldn't read it, but what could it hurt at this point? Will they give him more time? Good to hear that you spoke to Janine. I miss hearing from her.

Ceil

Ceil, be careful about writing to the judge and the DA; apparently they can CHOOSE to misconstrue that as you practicing law without a license. I did it, and got a very nasty letter back explaining that it was illegal (can't remember which entity wrote me back...but it wasn't rude just told me the possible consequences).

Another thought, do you all have alternating cold and hot feelings about your loved one? I mean sometimes I miss him so much, I hug a body pillow to me at night and even wear his clothes just to feel close to him...but other times, I question myself, my loyalty, if I"m codependent for sticking with him through thick and thin (after all it was his mistakes that put him there) and if he really is changing, or am I wasting years of my life waiting for a big let down...I don't know. I can argue w/ me, myself and I all day. Most of my friends say walk away and start over, but I can't do that...walk away while he's down and out?? In fact, many friends, aren't friends anymore as I stood by him through his addiction and the craziness that led to the prison sentences...now he has had a religious reawakening and wants to be a preacher, even sending me sermons and he hopes to be part of a prison ministry, admirable but is it real or jail house religion?? My mind starts hurting just letting all of these worries and concerns CONSUME me....and I spend too much money visiting, gas is OUTRAGEOUS, I'm broke....UGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Thanks for listening.

goldylox, great post ... i'd cut and paste the whole thing for emphasis but that would be pointless. i especially like the arguing with me, myself and i all day.

2 out of 4 of my best childhood friends have dumped me over this. i guess the 2 i still have are the real keepers.

ugh! i'm depressed and want to cry!!

joyce

Goldylox,

I get really frustrated about the situation,
expecially when he tells me to call an attorney
or something like that. I don't have many
feelings of missing him so much I can't stand it,
but I think that is because I have 3 young kids
hanging around me all day. We connect intimately
over the phone. I must say that I haven't had
anyone tell me - or suggest - I leave him except
for my older sister. I'm surprised because I
think most people kinda admire me for trying to
keep my family together. If we didn't have the
kids, it would be a different story. But my kids
are so well-adjusted and so secure in our family
that I KNOW I'm doing the right thing. I do very
little for him. I don't feel sorry for him being
locked up because he put himself there. I feel
sorry for us. I visit because WE need to visit,
not because he needs a visit. I have struggled
with co-dependency in the past, and this is way
different for me because my focus isn't on him -
its on me. When he starts invading my space with
"you need to do this" I have to stop him and tell
him I can't. His actions put him in prison - not
mine. I support him but my job is not to make
his incarceration easier. In fact, I don't ever
think about making his incarceration easier or
even sticking with him when he is down. He is
down because he couldn't stay clean. I'm with
him because I love him and I know he loves me and
we have a family together that is important to
me. I always have to remind myself that there
are people who wish they had someone in their
lives to miss. I'm rambling, so I'm out.

Ceil

Ceil, Joyce ,thank you for your wonderful insight(s), I know the reason that one of the reasons that my "friends" want him out of our lives is because he isn't my children's father but their step-father (my 1st husband died when the kids were little) and his choices w/ using were horrendous...but I believe in 2nd chances and in love and in family, and I hope and I pray that he is changing, and that his family is more important than drugs, if not...I guess I'll leave him for that when he comes home, but I'll stick by him through this, and you are so right, the visits are more for me than for him, although I hope that they reassure him too...they fortify me! Thanks y'all. This is a GREAT site.
As an afterthought, I met a woman named Diane who's husband was in Dallas County w/ mine...and we bonded...but I can't find her; I mailed her a snail letter but it came back address unknown..if Diane is reading this, I miss you and pray for you and yours, if anyone else knows if she is okay, please tell me...

Hey folks. I had a full-blown anxiety attack last night. I was just feeling overwhelmed at the workload at the house, the long time Kenny and I have to be apart, and I just came unglued. Cried and cried all night, finally fell asleep around 10:00, but woke up at midnight and tossed and turned, sweating yet freezing until I dragged my butt out of bed at 6. My eyes couldn't be puffier and I feel like crap.

I just need to vent about how hard this is!! AAARRRRRGGGGGG!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Joyce

Joyce,

Is there someone you can talk to? You may need
medical attention to help you. I know it has
helped me tremendously. That and church.

Also, it hit me last night that no one cares
about me as much as David. Not even my mom.
everyone has their own life. My life is with
David and no one in this whole word really cares
about me as much as him. Wow, what a blessing!

Ceil

Hey y'all, perhaps a few of us should exchange phone numbers or at the very least IMs ....Joyce, I've been there and understand and I'm almost always home and I have a willing ear and shoulder...Maureen

You can IM me at Joycerooni@aol.com.

If I don't answer, it's probably because I don't recognize the sender.

Joyce

Joyce, best I could get was bears4ngoldylox@aol.com for IMing, won't be using it for email!

Hello Ladies,

I am new to this site. I have been so frustrated lately and don't feel like I have no place to turn and so I guess thats why I am here. I think I just need to vent and perhaps get insights or something... at this point, I feel confused, stressed out, and worried about my emotional/mental health, in addition to my sanity.

I met this wonderful guy and we have been together for a year now. I was so sure he was my knight in shining armor. He was intelligent, had a good job, kind hearted, and just a great person to be around. And then all of a sudden I am feeling like I have either been a fool or maybe just naive in believing that there is good in all people. In Feb. I was terminated from my job on the accusation of embezzeling. I was upset and felt wronged and so I had police investigate further. Then I find out that my man was responsible and I had it out. Yelled, screamed, threw things, hit him... you name it, I probably did it. We worked things out because I believe that everyone makes bad decisions and it doesn't make them bad people. So last Thursday I have four squad cars in my front lawn and I find out that he has done more stuff... Has three other charges aside from the one with my ex workplace.

I guess now I am at the point where I am in a whirlwind of emotions. I am so angry at him for putting me in harms way and thrashing my world- he got me fired, screwed up my finances that I worked so hard on, and has put me in the limelight in the sense of being investigated and questioned by police who don't have a problem insulting me by calling me naive, clueless, and damn near stupid. I lost the house and I have so many bills and issues that indirectly involved me because we shared accounts. I have never been in trouble, not even a speeding ticket and now I feel like my freedom has been tempted.

The crazy thing is he is jail right now and Lord knows what will become of this situation. This is his first brush with the law but there are just so many charges that I am feeling that he will probably be in jail for a long time. Part of me feels like I should run for the hills and cut it off but my heart just hurts. I am enraged that he ruined my stability but then on the other hand, I can't seem to get myself to leave because I do love him.

I think I may be on emotional overload from being without work, having to stay with unsupportive family, and not really knowing what direction to go in. I finally had my mental meltdown last night and couldn't sleep and all I could do was cry and sleep with his freakin shirt (for crying out loud) because I felt so alone and I miss him to death. I worry about maybe I have lost grip on reality and borderlining on codependence.. this is totally unlike me.

I am scared out of my mind. He goes to court in May and part of me wants to stick by him; I talked to him on the phone today and he sounded so sorry and I thought to myself, maybe he has learned his lesson and the impact of being locked up is enough to really make him walk the straight line. I don't know though and I am scared that he will bring me down as well if I continue to stay around or even commit to whatever may be. I guess I can make a more informed decision when I figure out what will his future be and go from there. I just hate being in all this "what if" mentality and it seems like the harder I try to get myself together, the more upset and depressed I feel. I can't even begin to talk with my friends about this, because I know they wouldn't understand and some have even told me to leave the situation while I still can, since his first incident.

I don't know, I feel so confused and I am so worried that maybe he is taking me on some sick twisted fate and silly me is just ready be manipulated. I usually don't have issues with affairs of the heart, but this has really gotten me stumped, confused and stressed.

I commend all of you who seem to have so much strength and belief in your man that you can whole heartedly just stand by them because I don't know if I can or even want to.. I seem to teeter back and forth. Thank you so much for listening to my rant and raving and if anyone has any suggestions or insights on how to cope with this whole situation, I would be appreciative.

Azalea,

Welcome to the site. It sounds like you have really been through it. You can't make any kind of decision as long as you are in the mental shape you are - with good reason. Is there a problem with drugs that caused him to act like this? A hope that if he gets clean he won't repeat it? When I am confused and overwhelmed, I sometimes find it helpful to talk with a professional - someone who doesn't have an ulterior motive. You said that this isn't like you? This might be a good time to find out what happened with you. Put the focus on yourself - not him - and you answers will come.

Ceil

Hello Ceil,

Thank you for responding and the welcome. You are absolutely right, I need to calm myself down. I have been trying to focus on what I need to do, but I think the entire situation just had me perplexed. Until now, I have lead a boring life. I went to work, school and enjoy any free time I had to myself (although it usually was with him). Nowadays I had to move in with family because I got kicked out of our residence because I couldn't pay the rent.

I have thought of seeing a therapist because I feel like I have been put into an emotional ringer and then I just feel bad because I know there are others who have it worse than I do. I even felt guilty for even posting here since this is just the beginning for me and I still don't know what is going to happen to him or what I plan on doing in regard to this situation.

I don't understand or even know why he did what he did. He doesn't have any type of substance abuse issue, although I am really thinking that he may have some kind of mental problem going on. He has post concussion syndrome which I thought might lead to these impulsive behaviors that brought him to the place he is now. I just don't know. I know he did a crappy thing and I don't condone what he did, but I guess I am just worried about him if he goes to prison.

Thanks for listening.

Azalea,

Wow, I just said the same thing last week - that I should be able to handle my situation because other people are doing it. For me, talking to a therapist gives me an hour to talk about myself. How often do we get that? Other people care about me, but everyone has their own stuff going on. A therapist is paid to listen and to help you sort stuff out. And i can honestly say that I do not know of anyone that has gone through what you are going through right now. The hardest thing for me to do is to ask for help, because often that help comes with a price. I have found that is not always true, that when I really need help people are there to help me. Good luck.
Ceil

I am so glad I found this site. I feel more comfortable voicing my feelings to people I feel would somehow understand what I am going through. The strength and the love that the previous posters have posted are inspiring and I sense that if these strong ladies I can do it, I can to. This is just the beginning for me and I am scared for him.. if that makes any sense at all.

I'm going through a bad time but I have faith that I will be able to make it since I have the belief that "God doesn't give us more than we can handle." Our situation is in limbo, I don't know what the sentence will bring, and I am really scared for his safety and his mental well being. I don't mean to be offending or seeming ignorant but this is new to me and for him too and I don't know what to expect, so if I'm upsetting someone, I apologize in advance.

It is hard for me to ask for help but I swallowed my pride and I did. Friends that I have helped in the past have either ignored me or just wasn't helpful. It wasn't like I was requesting something over the top- I just needed someone to talk to and perhaps help me move a few things from the house.. Nobody really come through for me. I have to say it hurts that I feel nobody understands me and I hate to hear people tell me that I have a problem because I need to leave well enough alone. I can't turn my feelings on and off like a light switch and I feel frustrated that nobody seems to understand that except here.

If anyone would like to just vent or talk, please know I am here. One could even email me if they'd like. I might not be able to give great advice like the rest of these women here but I am a great shoulder to cry on or just someone to listen. This is so new for me and they feeling of feeling so clingy and lonely has been a shock.

I found your website on the day i had a total "come apart" about our situation. My husband is two months into a 39 month sentence. He caught my step daughter (13) having sex with a neighbor boy. He grounded her, took her cell phone and band the boy from the house. She told him he would regret it. Two weeks later he was arrested for child molesting. His other children tried to tell the police there dad has done nothing wrong. The wouldn't listen. Our lawyers told us if we had 150,000 dollars we could probably win. But in the state of Florida, the elderly population on the jurys and because of the children being killed by predators, my husband would get the max. 125 years. They talked us into accepting the deal that was offered. Now my ex husband is trying to take my son away from me because he "knows" my husband is guilty. If he wasn't guilty He wouldn't be in prison. My son is 14. and he adores my husband. Then my parents and brother have also turned on me because I married my husband before he went to prison. I Love my husband. And I know he didn't do the things he is accused of. I just don't know how to handle my ex husband and family. My ex is telling my son that my husband and his family is nothing to him. And he has told me I can't take my son to my inlaws. My son is afraid to tell his dad that he love my husband because he feels that his dad will stop loving him. My husband has stopped talking to my son on the phone and has stopped writing him. That still hasn't satisfied my ex. MY mother spread rumors about my ex when we were dating. Now she has told everyone I married a child molestor. I just don't set where people fell the have a right to judge. My ex told me my husband looks like a child molestor. What does a child molestor look like? I Love and believe in my husband. And I refuse to let my ex and my family ruin my marriage. But, how can I make this easier on my son?

Leisanne,

Welcome to the site. Bless your heart, I can see why you were writing this in the middle of the night. Pray for God's guidance through this ordeal.

Joyce, are you ok? I'm worried about you. I don't know the first thing about IMing, so I won't be doing that. Please let me know that you're okay. ceilfitz@cox.net

Ceil

Thanks Ceil,
I actually work nights. We have turned all this over to God. We have prayed that his daughter will tell the truth. but, her mother is letting her do exactly what she wants.
I haven't seen my husband in 9 weeks. The prison is behind on their visitation approvals.
I'm just glad I found this site to see that I'm not alone in this. Reading this site has made me laugh and cry. Is anyone's husband in the Florida system? I'm in Tennessee

Leisanne and Azalea, welcome to the site. Sorry you have to be here to begin with.

Ceil, I'm doing OK. Not great, as you probably can relate. I worked all day on Saturday cleaning the house, then yesterday out in the yard. There is just so much to do out here on my own.

So, it's another week down, another week closer to Kenny being home. I am missing him hard today. Mondays seem to be the toughest and I'm not sure why. Maybe it's the stark reality of another difficult week missing my man.

Joyce

Thanks Joyce,

I had a huge pity party this weekend and was happy to find this site. How do you deal with people asking about your husbands? I also know that once I see him the hard part will be leaving him again. It is a 6 hour drive for me. Should I spend the night then drive home the next day?
Leisanne

I told everyone that I had this huge pity party this weekend. I didn't tell you I wrote Doug a letter and told him everything I am sick and tired up. And I am tired of telling myself that all of this is between him and his daughter and ex wife. I told him I didn't want to be strong. And I was tired of crying myself to sleep every night. I had a complete come apart. Then it yesterdays mail, I got the sweetest Easter card from him and two letters.
Do I feel guilty.

Leisanne, anyone who knows me and Kenny knows he's in prison. They know why and for how long. I guess I could have told them he joined the Navy and went to Iraq, but I just couldn't keep that fib afloat very long. Most people are pretty understanding, even if they do seem to want to keep their distance. I can't blame them. In their minds, I'm guilty by association, and the danger and shame associated with drugs are now associated with me. If I can keep one family from this suffering by being out in the open about it, it's worth it.

And don't beat yourself up if you send bad mail. Sometimes the whole situation is overwhelming. Follow it up with a nice, upbeat letter. I find I feel better when I can send a positive message, one about how I'm coping pretty well. When I'm feeling out of control, overwhelmed, PMSing, stressed, and teary-eyed, I send him mail that just upsets him needlessly, and I feel guilty on top of feeling anxious. ::NOTE TO SELF:: send positive mail!! ;)

Hang in there everyone. The only good thing about this is these men aren't 6 feet under. There's nothing easy about coping with your husband's incarceration. I am grateful only that I can visit with him, not his grave.

Joyce

Leisanne,

I also tell anyone who is having any kind of
contact with me that my husband is incarcerated.
It is kind of hard to just ignore the situation.

One more good thing about this incarceration is
that it might be saving their lives. That is the
way I have to look at it with David sometimes.

Ceil

Hi Joycerooni,

I understand how you feel in regard to guilty by association. I'm so new to this entire thing that I am still having problems with it. I think in my situation, part of the reason that adds to my frustration is I'm not quite sure why he chose to do the things he did. I'm angry at the fact that he is gone and I have to deal with everything on my own. I know he is not having it easy either, but I am still resentful. He has his court date on the 17th and my stomach is just curling inside out. The ulcer is acting up again after such a long period of time. oh yeah, thanks for the welcome.

Thanks Everyone,
I did follow it with a positive letter. My mother-in-law called to check on me today. My in-laws are the best. I understand that Doug is not in control of this situation. I do tell people that Doug is in. And that his plea was no contest to his daughter's accusations. And that we made this choice to avoid dragging the children through a very public battle. And that if his daughter and ex wife can live with this so can we. But, all people hear is child molester. And it amazes me how many people feel that God has given them the ability to judge Doug. And how many people see him as guilty. THe worse one is my ex-husband. He is putting my 14 year old through hell because he doesn't agree with him that Doug is guilty. My ex was verbally and physically abusive to me. Now he is verbally abusive to my son. I called our doctor for a Family therapist referal. We are going and I am going to get a court order that my ex have to go to. You guys are so understanding. Thank You
Leisanne

Hi Ceil,
I was reading you post about being scared of him going to prison. I was terrified. Doug went into the system in South Florida. Then was transfered 700 mile to another facility. That has put him closer to me. Doug had never been in jail until all of this started. It's amazing how God is in those facilities too. Most of the guys are very nice and are afraid of going into lockdown so Doug has adjusted. He has made some good friends but also knows who to stay away from. The wait for visit approval is the hardest. I still haven't been approved and we are at 10 weeks. Patients is a must. And mine wear very thin. But, you are right everyone. I can visit him and not his grave.
Leisanne

Hello everyone,

I've been reading all the past posts since I was able to use a computer. It's amazing to see that I'm not the only one who feels the way I do.

Azalea---I know how you feel about not knowing what to do I think everyone has those moments. I have many where I wonder why am I standing by Daryls' side is it going to be worth it when he comes home or will things stay the same, I love him to much to walk away from him in his time of need but in the same sense I feel like he left me in my time of need. I had to play catch up with all the bills he didnt pay b/c of him using and I'm still trying to get everything on point. Sometimes it feels like it's a never ending battle with everything going on.

As for me things are going Okay I guess I was able to get my job back but w/less pay so I'm still looking. I had another friend move in with me to help out. Daryl of course isnt happy that I let someone he doesnt know move in but I need the help. My spirts have been on an emotional rollercoaster I feel like I dont know which way is up. Daryl heard something about some bill passing cutting time served down to only 65% so he thinks he'll be home sooner but I dont know what he's talking about.-----Does anyone know anything about this bill???

I should find out at the end of this month when his actuall release date is so hopefully that will make things easier.
I'm just doing all I can to keep a smile on my face---great point at least its not his grave I'm going to
Hope all is well with everyone I will check in again soon

Lovelostjack,

Are you in VA? I can't remember. There was a
bill before the General Assembly, but it got
shelved until 2007. apparently, this bill has
gone before the assembly for the past couple of
years and keeps getting shelved until the next
year.

Its good to hear from you. I was just thinking
about you last night and wondered how selling
cars was going.

Hello all!

Leisann-I am sorry you are having a hard time with all the familial stress. I am glad that Doug did find some nice friends. I am a bit on the same boat as you, Robbie has never been locked up and this was his first offense but there were many serious offenses. He left me in shambles but I would be lying if I didn't say I didn't fear and worry about him being incarcerated. I certainly hope the truth comes out soon so you can be together again.

Lovelostjack- I have my emotions either one extreme or another. Some days I hate what he did and how it affected me and I am going to just leave him alone because he did it to himself. Then on other days, I worry myself to death wondering if he is okay, what is going to happen to him, will he be safe, etc. I am so dense when it comes to things like this, I've never experienced something like this before, so a million questions just flood my brain. Thanks for your support.

The facility that David is in is nothing like what I see on TV. He is in a minimum security prison and it is almost like a camp. He has assured me that there is nothing to worry about. I guess it depends on where they go, but for nonviolent offenses, its usually someplace for nonviolent criminals, so its not bad.

Ceil

Ceil,

Yes I'm in VA (looking for friends here that understand what I'm going through). As far as selling cars I was able to talk to the owner of the company and get my old position back there arent enough people coming in here for me to sell cars and the commision isnt that great there pay for selling is weird...the only condition to getting my old job is I had to take a pay cut but at least I got it back until I can find something that I will be able to survive on.
Other then the usual going crazy because I miss my baby--another reason why selling cars wasnt working out they wanted me to work 2 sundays a month and I cant everyother Sunday I have my son and the Sundays that I dont have him is visitation I felt like they were making me choose between my job and my family--of course family is always first with me---Just doing all I can to keep my spirits up and stay positive I cant have any more negative crap in my life....

What doesnt kill us only makes us stronger and now I truly believe this statement is true all this just makes me stronger (along w/this web site)

Thanks again Ladies for listening---take care

Hi Ceil,

Thank you for posting that, it has made me feel a little better. I guess with everything going on, the imagination is running wild. Robbie is a non violent offender, he got busted for theft issues.

The problem I am having these days was at the point he got busted, I was house sitting for a friend. (although he doesn't seem to be a friend of mine now) Unfortunatly, and without my knowing, he ended up taking things from my friend which leaves me in a pickle. It all happened so fast when they arrested him, that I pretty much had to vacate in a hurry. Now I am having problems trying to get my stuff back. I guess I will have to get the police involved but after the incident, I really don't want to see another person of the law enforcement nature. I hate the whole situation and I feel abused about how people are now treating me. It depresses me.

Aside from this site, I really feel flustered that nobody seems to understand.. they kinda have the attitude like well thats what you get for dating a criminal.. but I didn't know he was like this and to this day, I still don't understand why he did what he did. I can't turn my emotions on and off and I feel like crawling in a whole every time some hits a wicked spell. Its gotta get better soon....

I have a question. He got busted for many felonies.. so am I to understand that there are different prison systems for nonviolent vs. violent offenders? I tried reading articles on classifications and security on the internet but it just made me confused. Anyone who could shed some light would be great.

Thank you all for listening and the insights. Hope you are having a good night. (as good as it can get, considering)

Hi Ladies, I have'nt posted in a couple of weeks I have been working so hard long hours and I have been sick allergies and sinus problems...
I had a rough week last my 5yr old can be so difficult at times he really misses
his dad.

GOD I HATE THIS! sometimes I try to figure out how I got here ( in this situation)
Its so true that when a man someone get incarsarated its like his whole family in
behind bars too.

By the way you know I was trying to find affordable health care... I did find this great plan for just $59. a month so that has been a real blessing for me.

If any of you need an affordable healthcare plan go check it out
http://www.customerdrivenhealthcare.com

I know I have to stay positive for my kids. I off to bed I am so beat have a good night ladies.

Tammy

Hello Ladies,

I discovered that I should take this time that Daryl is not home to do me. Basically that means I've decided to go back to school and finish my 4 year degree. I look at it like this it will make the time he's not here go by faster and then maybe I can find a job that will pay me better then what I'm making now. Plus he's doing things there to better himself I should be doing the same. Anything to keep my head up and a smilie on my face.

On a down note I havent talked to Darly in almost a week got a real crazy letter in the mail. So I truly dont know whats going on since I still cant take the block off the phone for him to be able to call since ALL the bills are behind..but I know something has to give. I dont have to work this Sunday and it's his visitation day but if money isnt right I wont be able to go see him b/c of the distant and gas prices....I just keep thinking it cant get any worse it can only get better....

It's just hard since I feel like I dont have anyone without him I feel truly lost. Even with all my friends supporting me staying with him it's not the same without him...argggggggg

Hi, guys. I'm back in Virginia. The spring blossms are on the trees and it is a pretty back drop for a broken heart. The ladies I work with seem clamer and so it should be a nicer time this go around. More of them want to use the time to better themselves.
My daughter just had anther tumor situation. We were in Turkey when Chernobel happened and I don't know if that has anything to do with all this health stuff or not but we sure got radiation somewhere. Grr.
My husband's attorney filed an appeal but my husband has no hope any more. He is more hopeful for me finding a man out here and sending post cards telling him I am happy than he is on getting home to me. I can't tell you how that feels. That selflessness is part of why I love him so much but the idea that it might be a real reality somewhere down the road is a very difficult pill to swallow for me. It is our 10 year anniversary of our romantic relationship on 4/20 and I will be here.
Maybe us folks in Texas can meet at a Cafe Brazil sometime. I too am so alone sometimes. In Virginia I sight see a lot, wandering about by myself. A week from this weekend I am going to Warm Springs to soak these bones and hopefully restore my spirit.
I am lucky because not only do I have my husband but my old boyfriend and best friend calls me every night to see how I am getting along ( he thinks my husband is my perfect mate also) and a former boss of one of my children became my friend and takes me to the movies when I come to visit my husband but nobody takes the place of my husband and nobody is here for the real daily work in life. It is up to me or it doesn't get done.
Happy Easter to everyone. I usually hide eggs and get my mom or dogs or too old for hunting kids to find them. I just love celebrating life and having fun.
I heard of a goverment program to help folks get a home and when I know more about it I will let you guys know.
I will look into the insurance for my daughter.
later gators.
my normal e-mail is
filmaker_35mm@yahoo.com. If you know how to IM me go ahead and if I'm here I will talk. I'm just not too great with the IM. Prisoners_of_love@yahoo.com gets about 700+ junk mails a day. Grrr.

Hello,
I was just thinking about you all and wanted to drop a note. Glad to see the site is still working and people are posting... well, I guess that is a catch 22 huh. You know what I mean. All is well. The dreadful custody case for my step son, that I have had custody of over both of his biologica parents went well. She tried to take him from me again but by the grace of God I won yet again. My husbands past incarceration didn't even play into the hearing surprisingly. It is costing $8000.00 though for the attorney. PTL we had the means to borrow most of it but will be paying this off for years to come. Our baby girl is 17 month old now and just such a joy to have. I was reading up on some old poems I wrote years ago and how sad I sounded. I was pleased to realize that my life is happy now and I am content for the first time in my life. Everything is just where it is supposed to be, other than finances of course. Keep your sights high girls. I will say it again... there IS light at the end of this horrible tunnel of prison. Praise God! Happy Easter to you all and your in my prayers.

Janine, thanks so much for checking in!!!!

For anyone who doesn't know, Janine did 5 1/2 years with her man in the Federal System, and if all goes well, I'm following in her footsteps, one month at a time. I want to weather this storm with the grace and poise that I think she has exhibited.

Girl, that's great news about custody of your son, and I'm happy to hear the baby girl is doing well. I bet she keeps you moving!!

Ah!! Something happy for a change!

Joyce

Hi Everyone,
It is beautiful here in Tennessee now. Everything is green and blooming. Along with my allergies. I talked to Doug on Wednesday. You know 15 minutes is not enough time but at $19.06 a call that is the best we can do right now. I was told my visitation should be approved next week. WOOHOO. I recieved another card from him on Thursday. His lawyers told me that he has to do the 39 months. Then we will try to get all this expunged from his record. It will take a long time. My Ex is still giving me Crap. He wants to take our son to church with him and his wife on Sunday. THis is one of two days a year he goes. Easter and Christmas. My son doesn't want to go.
I'm working a LOOOOOOOOT of OT. If I'm not back on. Have a Great Easter. And thank you. Ya'll are all Angels to me.
Leisanne

Janine,

So good to hear from you!!!!! You were so important to my feeling connected to this site when I first signed on. Glad to hear everything is going well. Also glad to hear that your daughter is already 17 months, because it seems like she was just born. Boy, time is flying!

Have a Good Easter everyone. We're heading to Georgia early in the morning.

Ceil

Azalea,
Doug is in a close dorm. This is because of the charges and his protection. THey only know that he is for a domestic charge that involves his first marriage. The guys tease him about being the spoiled rich kid. Between me and his family, he has what he needs and money in his account. Doug is very much a people person. Doug also tells me it's not like you see on TV. His dorm is all two man rooms surrounding a large day room. They have private showers. They play cards and checkers. He also is learning to play horseshoes. LOL I know that there is a rainbow at the end of this time apart. I have never loved or been loved this way. Even as depressed as I get, I can't imagine my life without Doug.
And there is really only one thing he does that bugs me. He calls me Honeybunny. LOL
Leisanne

Leisanne,

Thank you for sharing. I guess I am guilty of believing what is on television. I am glad that Doug is in a safe place and he has made friends. I am sure this helps the lonely journey about being away from you and his family.

I wish I could feel the same conviction about your love about Doug in my situation. I talked to Robbie yesterday and any strength I had, just went out of me when I hung up the phone. He asked if I hated him and what we were going to do about us but I didn't know what to say, do or think? Part of me screams in my mind, We are going to make it together! but then that little voice says, at what cost? There are so many little hypothetical situations that go through my head and the one thing I know for sure is I don't want to be dragged through the mud like I was when he was engaging in his wrongdoing. His arraignment is Monday so I hope we know more.

Anyway, I hope all you ladies have a wonderful Easter!

Hello Everyone,

I hope everyone enjoys there Easter. I know I will I'm going to see Daryl this is the first holiday since he's be locked-up that I can go see him, so it's making it alittle easier to handle. I havent talked to him all week he hasnt been able to find anyone to do a 3 way...so I guess it's time to figure out a way for him to be able to call home without having to do 3 ways. I miss talking to him all the time..I miss him being home..

On a positive note one of my good friends husband is coming home on Monday (4/17) he's been down for almost 5 years. It's great to finally see and hear the smilie on her. She has been very strong through all this I only hope I can be as strong as she has been. I should know in about a week and a half what Daryl's release date is :) Finally something sort of good to look foward to.

Toni,
I was wondering how often do you come to VA?

"We are going to make it together! but then that little voice says, at what cost?" Azalea that's from you, and it resonates with me.

I know we're going to make it, but what a price to pay. And forget about the money! It's the the the blood, the sweat, and the tears. And time. He had me, lock, stock, and barrel, from the the git-go, but he managed to so totally screw things up.

We're going to be together forever, so I think he should reflexively want to do right by me. We shall see what he does. It'a long haul! But I'm haulin' !!

LostLove, I like hearing homecoming stories. Kenny will come home someday, and I'll have a story. ;)

yeah, Ceil, wasn't it cool of Janine to pop in? she's an inspiration to me.

Azalea,
I'm trying to look at this in a positive way. Doug's lawyer told me that I should look at it that maybe God put him there to protect him from something else. Ceil and Joyce have made a point about not visiting their graves and what God if what God puts on us doesn't kill us, it will make us stronger. You know, After finding this sight, I am more positive that God hand picked all of us for our Men for a reason. And he has brought all of us together for a reason.
Doug and I definatly have our differences but they compliment each other. I we are learning to draw of each other strengths. He is very excited that I have found all of you that understands what I am going through. His biggest fear is that I would walk away. I have loved him even before I knew him. Doug is the husband I have dreamed of my whole life. And what his daughter accused him of and what we are going through, we refer to as "a bump in the road". Actually, my ex is a "pothole".LOL
All of you, in this short time, have already taught me to take one day at a time. And to look at how blessed we are.
Have A Great Easter!!!!!!!!!!
Leisanne

Hi, Lostlovejack, I have been coming here once a month it seems for the past few months. Last visit was 6 weeks and that was too long. The bad thing is it seems like every time I visit I pay a higher and higher personal price. This time, my dog killed my cat and I mourn my cat and don't want to lose my dog and it lost the right to stay with my mom because she witnessed everything. Also my daughter got worse than another tumor news and how bad it is remains to be seen. She has decided to fly out here and go to warmsprings with me because she is so afraid of the news. Then on the same darn day I found all of that out my husband sends an even more urgent heart felt letter that I am "set free" to go have a happy life. When will I have time? So, I don't know if I will come back again. My belief is the book I wrote can still help people without me actively trying to help folks while my own life is on fire and I don't mean on fire for the Lord. LOL. My goodness.
I am going to be in Virgina until the 29th this time and hopefully things at home will settle down. I was angry at the prison situation and at the 8 year marke the time seems to get harder and so now at 10 years it is tough but I don't need another man I need to get my health back and get the money to buy the services I need ( not sexual...ha) like help around the house and a house and things and my husband is thinking I need another man and all will be well. I can't see it. I am a handful. He has not idea. If I were a dog I would be a "Special needs adoption." He can tolerate me because he has known me my entire life and still I put gray hairs on his head because of my driving all over the country with no money in my pocket.
I love my husband and him "releasing me" isn't going to change that...but getting that letter on the day my cat got killed, and I don't understand that these two were friends for over 4 years, didn't help...in fact it made things that much worse. Can you believe a man sending a "We can still be friends" letter? My goodness. If he didn't want me that would be one thing but this is unacceptable.
take care,
toni

Leisanne,

Hello! I think one would have to look at things in a positive way in order to get through it. Ceil and Joyce have made wonderful points about not having to visit a grave site and I do believe that God works in mysterious ways.

For me, I am still in that initial anger phase. I do love Robbie but then I have to question why he did what he did and if our year long relationship was actually a sick joke or a farce. I don't think I have ever explained it, but to make a long story short, he is actually the reason why I no longer have a job and then he stole from a great friend of mine. Too make things worse, he attempted to deposit the "theft" money into my account, which in the end made me look like I had a hand in the cookie jar. I am a goody goody type when it comes to breaking the law... so the fact that he did these things, and I had to be interrogated by police officers and treated like a criminal was more than traumatizing to me. Then when he got locked up, everyone seemed to get on my case about this check bounced, this bill is due, we are about to cut off blah, blah, blah.. days after that, I was evicted. He ruined my job, my finances and my good credit is now dirt. And what makes me cringe is I still love the guy, but I can't help but wonder if I am just a last ditch effort since everyone else has abandoned him. Who knows? These days all I can do is pray for strength and have faith that I make the right decision.

Toni- My prayers are with you. I am sorry for all your loss coming in at one time.

Azalea,
My situation is very different than yours. But, it is also alike in some ways. My family and ex husband thought I should dump Doug when all of this happened. But, Doug has been honest with me from the start. I went to the lawyers, I have read the depositions and was at the hearings. This is a person that was a soccer coach, football coach, scout leader and Sunday school director. He was at the job he loved for 16 years. And it all disappeared at the hands of a pissed off teenager.
I know it is hard, but try to look at the big picture. Look at what the future has to offer for you and you as a couple. It is your choice alone if you want to stand by him. You should lookat his past history. And look at, if he will get help with what ever the problem may be. Doug has given up 4 years of his life to not drag his children, his parents, his siblings, my son and me through a very public trial. They told us that they would show his daughter has mental problems and would make her an uncreditable witness. His younger children were going to have to testify too. Doug said public opinion had already found him guilty. And he had already lost everything but his parents, siblings and me. And as long as we stood by him he could make it through anything. Now we have just found out that the state has a class he has to attend for 20 weeks. To pass this class he MUST admit to the charges. If he doesn't "confess" he has to stay in another 16 years. And we Pray and Pray and Pray. He feels this makes him look like he has lied to me. We have been dealing with the prison system for 10 weeks, and nothing should suprise me. If you see a future with him and you feel you will be able to trust him, follow your heart.
Toni- Last week we lost our dog that we have had for 12 years. She was the sweetest Siberian Husky. I understand your loss.
Happy Easter everyone.
Leisanne

Leisanne, sorry about your dog. That confession thing is so wrong. How many people do this and never did what they are there for? I understand the thought behind it but too many people confess who didn't do the thing.
Prayer is the only answer. That and I would like to petition the U.S. Congress to change the name of the "Criminal Justice System" to the "Legal System" because justice has nothing to do with any of it. My attacker never served a day in jail, in fact was free to harrass me for years with no intervention in spite of my begging and my husband is inside for something he didn't do because he was told sign this paper and get out in a year or die. Ugh. I'm so sorry Leisanne.
I am still fighting for my dog's life after he killed my cat. I just can't take any more loss. However, I am in Virinia and can't come home. The people are counting on me to run their program.
I wanted to tell you about the housing program the lady told me about. It is the USDA Rurual development office and a program. It helps low income people get homes out in the country by subsidizing it. I am unclear if I will qualify because my income is extreemly low and when I got very ill I lost my home about 3 years ago and that counts against me. Anyway, I can hope and pray.
My husband is still on the "you will be happier, free" deal but so far since he set me free my dog attacked my cat and it died of it's injuries because nobody called me to send it to the vet, my daughter is in health peril and I am looking for a place or my dog is in peril so I don't feel all the happiness he speaks of...only I have nobody to share the weight with. Emotional support is what I need most in a relationship. Without it I get beat down pretty quickly.

Keep strong ladies. If you guys in Dallas want to start a support group let me know and I will give you guys the books to do it. That is about all I have to offer. The only reason I don't offer that to every place is I can't afford the postage to send a bulk of books out to a group. Ha.

Hi Everyone,

It's been a rough week. I was down with a stomach virus Sunday and Monday. Then I get a 13 page letter from Doug that seemed like it was written in riddles. Then I find out, yesterday, that there are atleast 60 people still ahead of me to be approved for visitation. And all they can say is we are sorry but it should be done within two weeks. If I haven't heard anything in two weeks, call them back. It's been 10 weeks, today, since we have seen each other. And 6 weeks since I mailed the visitation form. It amazes me the hurry up and wait life I'm living.

Doug's letter is really troubling me.
Hope all are well.
Suzanne

Suzanne, I'm sorry you're troubled and having such a rough week. I hope you get to see Doug soon. I'd say try to write an upbeat letter. Try to keep a positive outlook. Things will resolve themselves in time for you, I'll pray.

Meanwhile, I'm seeing the glass half-full. The weather is nice, and I've been chipping away at my yard work that had me overwhelmed. Also, I've been working out hard for over an hour 3 days a week. Kenny's attorneys finally called me and we were on a 20 minute conference call and I felt like the actually gave a crap and were doing their job finally.

It's supposed to rain here in the Northeast pretty much all weekend, but I'm going to keep my chin up.

Everybody try to do the same.

Joyce

My name is Tiffany and my husband is in jail waiting to get sentenced. He was on probation and ended up vailaing it by having a hot UA of meth and weed. He could be looking at 1 year in DOC. The worst thing about it is we have 2 kids and they are taking it hard. My son is 22 months and my daugther is 8 months. I thought that I could be used to it, becuase this is the 6th time within 2 years that he has been put in jail. I don't know how to keep myself busy any more. I get so borde with out him here. How do you guys do it? I know he calls like every day, and I can go see him every thursday, but it's just not the same. Any words from anyone out there will help a lot. I just need some one to talk to who knows what I am going throw.

Tiffany,

Welcome to the site. Sorry you have to be here. My kids help me get through it. It if wasn't for them, I don't know what I would do. Mine are older than yours - 8, 6 and 3 - so I can have more interaction with them and we can do more things together. Some days its really hard. Others it okay and some days its good. Keep posting here. Its helps me.

Hey to everyone else.

Ceil

It's me again. My husband has not yet been senteneced. He is hoping that they let him have ancle moniter. I don't know that they will do something like that. My kids are doing fine and hanging in there. Me on the other hand, I don't know how much more I can take. It's just so hard to do with out him. I'm trying to stay strong for my kids and my husband. How do you guys do it? Talk to you soon. Bye for now. Tiffany

Thank you for the help. I wish I didn't have to come here. In fact I didn't think that there was a site like this, but I am really glad that there is. It's so hard to go see Brian and not be able to touch him or hug him. Being that he's still in jail I can't do that. What's really sad is that all of the gards know me by name. They wave to me when I go down the street. In fact one of them told me to find a support group so that I would have someone other then my Mother to talk to. See my Mother is in the same boat as me. My Father has been in Prison for almost 6 years now. I have no idea how she does it. Thanks for the worm welcome. Bye for now.

Tiffany, welcome to the site.

Tell us more about Brian.

Thanks, Joyce

Brian, is 26 years old. The whole reason that he is on probation is, because like 3 or 4 years ago his brother got him into some trouble. Give Brian a camra to pawn. Brian thought that it was his brothers. Well, truns out that it wasn't and so he got charged with fulse reporting to a pawn broker. He had a 2 year probation, defered sentence. Well, I came into the picture and in July 2004 he got demistic Volice on him and was on probation for that. October 2004 Brian and I got arested for meth and child abuse, because Brian, Jr. was there when we got arested. He got out and was on probation for that and had to do classes and all. Then he got arested again for driving without a licence. It took 7 months for us to get our son back. Eveything was going fine. Then in September of 2005 Brian got arested again. This time he didn't know what was going on. His Mom told him that his other 3 kids were being molasted by there step father and Brian took it really hard. He was so pissed that he went nuts. He woke me up at 1:30am and started to say that our 1 month old daugther was wired and that our son wasn't in his crib when he was. Well, then on December 2005 just before Christmas Brian was arested again. This time it wasn't his flaut. Him and his probation officer weren't talking like they should have been. So I want and talked to her superviser and told him that I have some things that I need to talk to him about. See Brian's PO had told Brian to stop taking his ADHD pill and took them from him and gave them to our next door neighbor to put in her lock box. Well, Brian had been clean from all the drugs for about 14 months and then one day his brother Mike came over and asked him if he wanted to do some meth and being that Brian had been stressing about his kids he went right ahead and did it. Well, on March 6th this year Brian had court and after court his po asked him to go down to her office and when he came back out he said that she wants a UA from him. Well, now his looking at 1 year in DOC. I have no idea what's going to happend. When he does come home to me I am going to let him know that this has got to be the last time that he does any of this stuff. The kids and I can't handle this. My son who is 22 months has changed is whole eatting and sleeping patterin. To make things worse. I have the biggest jerks for a mother and father in law. See I have taken my kids to go see there father at the jail. My mother in law come into my house telling my son something so different. I can't just not talk to her like my other sister in laws but she has control of Brian's money. Being that Brian has ADHD he is getting SSI and Social Secrity, she is his payee on it. Well, I have to basicly kiss her ass so that I can get that money to pay the bills. Without his money I would be scerwed. Well, talk to ya later.

Hi ladies-

Leisanne: We are all in the same boat but I know I would feel more frustrated if Robbie was locked up for so long over something he didn't do. It is sad all the way around and I am sorry about your dog too. Thank you for the advice, I have been sorting that out now. It seemed like things got more and more stressful as the time went on, and its only been going on three weeks. I have thought of his past and he has never gotten into any trouble prior to this, but the drama who put me through has got me scared..I found out that he stole from a family member, my mom of all people, and despite my initial thought, I told her I would repay the money if she didn't pursue it further. However, now I am thinking, am I stupid?? What the hell did I do that for? I feel like he lied about so many things, I have to wonder,,, are you telling me the truth now? I have tried to put my feelings on the back burner and have faith that my answer will come. I have been asking God for a sign. The last time we talked, I was incredibly mean to him, probably because it was the same day I found out he took stuff from my mom,and I can't even remember what I yelled, but it wasn't good. Now that I haven't heard from him, I am just wondering.. Talk about fickle, huh?

Tiffany- Hello & welcome to the site!

As for me, I am still having trouble sleeping, I have had fewer crying spells, but the good news is I got a job. I start on Monday and the little money I do have, I need to go to the store and get some appropriate "work" clothes. I'm nervous as I don't know what and I am not sure if it is because of the new job or because I am thinking I might miss THE CALL. I really needed the job though since it is an awful feeling to look out the window every morning and pray that I still see my car. I haven't paid bills because I don't have the money and I think me having to pay back my mom spurred me into really getting a job. I can't deal with the guilt or her unsupportive nagging, so I dragged my butt to go interviewing. Its not that I didn't want to work, it was just I felt so down and depressed, I was afraid if someone said something or looked at me in a certain way, I would just be a "puddle of Azalea" on the floor.

Hi all-

I guess I am having a needy moment which is why I am posting again. Sometimes I just get so frustrated and feel like nobody understands me except this place so I keep coming back. I will definetly keep the whining to a minimum though.

I tried to take a calming Calgon moment bath and the phone started to ring. I about broke my neck trying to hop out of the bath tub and get it in time. It was too late but I knew it was The Call because nobody else would be calling here collect. He called again about thirty minutes later and I was so relieved. He is having issues, his bleeding ulcer started acting up and he said they would be taking him to the hospital. Now I am just plain worried. His arraignment is on Monday because for whatever reason, the took him off the roster for last week and pushed it up a week. He said that from there, there would be a plea bargain or a case management conference in technical terms. I think I decided to surrender this issue to God and I told myself depending on the sentencing, would depend on my decisions. I battle with myself whether I can truly trust him again and I just don't know. I think about how screwy my life is now thanks to him and I can't help but wonder if it true love or I am just a bleeding heart and a sucker for punishment. Oh, how I wish I could just feel as convinced as most of you ladies seem to be.

Well that is all for my vent. Thank you all for listening and I hope all you ladies are having a wonderful and "as happy as it can get considering" Saturday.

As always, my prayers are with all of you.

Azalea (I think I decided to surrender this issue to God and I told myself depending on the sentencing, would depend on my decisions. I battle with myself whether I can truly trust him again and I just don't know. I think about how screwy my life is now thanks to him and I can't help but wonder if it true love or I am just a bleeding heart and a sucker for punishment. Oh, how I wish I could just feel as convinced as most of you ladies seem to be. ) Believe, me at least, and probably ALL of us go through the doubt, the standing by their sides, the anger, the fears...the more I talk to other women, the more I see how alike we all are...and how much we all need this site...just to survive. My husband doesn't understand my doubts, he says if I'm going to give him a 2nd chance then put the past behind us, and move forward, make a fresh start...but all the ghosts and memories haunt me, what if I'm making a mistake, what if he does it all again, I'm getting too old for this, how am I affecting the kids...and I could go on and on and on...just know...me, you, most all of us, are in this community because we love them....because we need to talk it out to someone who understands, not the people who sometimes want the best for us, but just don't understand, and because we can't just talk about our husbands in prison to just anyone...some people think we are lesser now...or guilty by association....or that we should just move on.....but we keep trying, loving, praying and hanging in there...me? yesterday i found out a release date...March 07 after a rehab treatment, thank you Jesus! and a life skills class, may God bless him and open his ears, his heart and his soul and may all of those promises of love, devotion and an aversion to that old life be true...not just for me and mine, but for you and all yours too....I love you all and pray for us all daily.

Hey all! Well, now Brian is asking me what I see in him. He seems to think that he don't deserver me. All I can do now is wait. Wait to hear what is going to happend to him. I hope that he does not get DOC. Although if he does it might be a good thing, because then we can move out of this dam county. Talk to you later. Bye for now.

Hello all! Happy Sunday. (Okay, I know it might not be a Happy Sunday but I am trying to spread some good cheer!)

Tiffany- Hi! I am playing the waiting game to so I know how you must be feeling. Robbie has his arraignment tomorrow (hopefully, unless they change it again) and from there they can figure out if there will be a plea bargain or something else. I certainly hope that Brian doesn't end up going to DOC..

Goldyloxn4bears- Hello! I am so happy that he is only going to be away for almost a year. You must be estatic and thrilled. I know it might seem like a long time, but compared to what it could be, I think a year is great. Everything you have stated makes so much sense and I feel like I belong here compared to the outside world. It really is different and people just don't understand where I am coming from. I would like to think that many things are shades of grey and not just in black and white. My friends and family have told me, "Oh, you are just trying to save everyone but some people are not worth saving!" I don't believe that at all because I believe that every person in this world has a mission in life. I get tired of hearing all the jokes at my expense. The favorite seems to be "Oh, you want to date a case study?" considering I am getting my degree in Counseling. You're right, you can't tell everyone about a loved one in prison because many seem to be very judgmental. My ex (Who would have thought?) has actually been the only one who has supported me through this awful time. He has paid some of my bills and has given me money to make it through the week. It really surprised me because I thought he would be the first to rub it in my face or take part in the judgmental attitudes I have been hearing. I know Robbie was not too happy about that when we talked but I was having an "anger" moment and told him since he asked if anyone was helping me out. He then told me, you know he is just trying to take advantage of you in a vulnerable situation.. And then I spat out, well had you not made your stupid decisions, you would be here to take care of it, wouldn't you? Probably wasn't helpful but sometimes I get so angry with him. He doesn't seem to understand what I am going through. I don't know. Time will tell.

Thank you all for giving me the support and insight that I have needed these past few weeks. I have never encountered such a great group of awesome women who are as supportive and loving as you are. I pray for all of us since we all seem to have the similiar emotions/issues/problems. It is too bad nobody lives in Arizona because I would say that maybe whomever could connect and have lunch, or even better a drink! I have gotton more help from here than any place else and I know whatever happens, there is someone here that totally understands what I am going through.
((((((((((( HUGGIES )))))))))))))

Hi Everyone,
After a stomach virus the first part of the week and Streph The last part, I have done major bonding with my pillow until yesterday. My son and I hung out all day Saturday and had a great time. Now I have started a 9 day work stretch at 12 hour shifts. Gotta do what ya gotta do. Doug laughed and said his "old wife" would have never done it.LOL

I got a beautiful card from Doug yesterday. And a letter. Then he called this morning. We are still waiting on the visitation approval. Each day that passes is a day closer to him being home.

Tiffany, welcome to the sisterhood. That's exactly what I have found is sisters that understand the loneliness, anger, and all the other emotions that go along with being away from the one you love.

Azalea, I wrote Doug a letter that started I Hate and ended with this sucks. Then I followed it with a letter that told about find all of you. He teased me about the Jekle and Hyde letters. Being angry at times is all part of it. I wasn't angry at Doug. I was angry at the situation. Doug plead no contest to charges of lewd behavior with a custodial minor. He caught his 13 year old daughter having sex with a neighbor boy. His daughter told him he would regret it. Later he was arrested. And in the state it happened. Everyone is found guilty no matter what. So he took the deal offered. Doug says if his daughter can live with a lie, then he can too.

Everyone, Doug had another meeting with the pyhcologist. She demanded to know how he only go 39 months out of charges that usually carry at least 20 years even with a deal. This is the second time she has asked him this. He laughs about it. He has to go through a 20 week sex offenders course. But, it could be 18 months before he even gets started.
Have a great day.
Leisanne

"Each day that passes is a day closer to him being home."

Amen to that, Leisanne. Sometimes that's the only thing I can think of that's positive.

I miss Kenny, and he's out of money again, and he's only got me out here now to keep him in commissary. I'll do what I can for him, as always. Have a good day, everyone!

Joyce

Thanks for all the worm welcomes. Brian is doing fine. He's hanging in there. He does make the friends in there so he has someone to talk to. He wants to see if he could do 1 year in county jail with time servered and that was it. With a possablity of probation. I don't know if they will go for that or not. I just hope that what ever happends that he will be home to me soon. It is so hard to have to make sure that the phone is paid both evercom and qwest so that I know that he can call. Well, Bye for now.

Maureen, I'm happy to hear your good news. It's great to know you've got less than a year to wait.

We've got 13 months under our belts at the end of the week. I just keep plugging away. Unless something changes, Kenny will have to go do an intensive Drug Rehab program, and the closest place is out in Erie, PA, which instead of a 2 hour ride is more like 7 hours. It's a nine month program, so that will be a long and difficult stretch with visits *maybe* once a month or even less. But he could earn up to 18 months off of his sentence, and that would be worth it.

I love knowing there's some of us that have relatively short time to wait.

Keep the faith!

Joyce

Happy Monday Everyone,

Joyce, you are right about the relatively short time to wait. When I look at what could have happened, I thank God everyday. Next week, Doug will have been in 3 months. That leaves 3 years to go. And 3 years is so much better than the 45 to 125 he would have gotten if we went to court. So many people tell me Doug should have fought it. In the state of Florida, you are seldom found inocent of a sex crime, even when an underage child trys to take it back. We did what we had to do to ever have a life together. even though he will be registered for the 26 years after he gets out. Public opinion will be the hardest part. But, we can keep to ourselves.

I do feel that I have found a sisterhood of angels. Thanks girls. If any of you are around Nashville, we will get the sisterhood together.
Leisanne

Hi Everyone!

Just thought I would post to say hello. I am slowly getting back together although the wait is killing me. I am praying for the best. At this point, I still don't know what is going to happen and I couldn't afford to keep taking calls. I have been trying to keep myself busy but the sadness seems to just engulf me.

Joyce- I am glad that Kenny is getting into a drug program and a possible sentence reduction. You must be very happy.

Leisanne- Great to hear it is three compared to twenty five. Its just so unfortunate that a person's lying has disrupted so many lives. Does she even regret or realize the harm that she has done?

My prayers are with all and I hope that I am able to come back here and post. You are all very supportive but unfortunately I got the bill that says I will be disconnected on Friday unless I pay.. doesn't look like I will have the money. =(

Hope your mid week hump day is going well.

Blessings to all~

Hi Everyone,

Hang in there Azalea. Prayer is what is getting me through this. Even whe money is tight, God comes through for me. I just prayer for God to lead me in what I need to do. And everything has worked out. My e mail is lsstout1@juno.com. Drop me a line and we can write through regular mail until you get your phone back on.

I just had to tell Doug that money will be tight for a while and he was going to have to cut down on his canteen purchases. He understands that I have to keep a roof over my and my son's head. And food on the table.

My step daughter has posted on her website that she has done something terrible. But, her mother lets her do what she wants. So, no she shows no remorse. Mother and daughter tolerate each other. And she new that with Doug out of the picture her mother would let her do what she wants to not have to deal with her.

Have A Great rest of the week.
Leisanne

I woke up at 3:00 this morning because I heard a knock on the door in my dream. I couldn't get back to sleep and starting thinking of center I can do at school. We are doing our state testing the end of this month and our school HAS to pass or the state department could come in and start making some changes. We took last year's test yesterday and my students did not do well in math. So when I woke up this morning I laid in bed thinking of these centers. I decided to get up and come down on the computer. I made up and printed out 5 good centers (at least they look good at 5:00 in the morning). This is not something I would normally sit down and do because I don't take the time during the day. I have to wonder if God woke me up with that knocking sound to get these ideas he gave me out. I am really excited about these centers. I just hope God keeps me awake all day :).

Ceil

Ceil, great post. Way to get me smiling!

Joyce

Frustrated, frustrated, frustrated, I feel like I'm powerless over EVERYTHING....and everything seems like it's going wrong....why can't he be home to help me through this??? I'm breaking.
I feel like chicken little and the world is falling down.....

Goldlox,

I have been there and will be there again.
Especially when it comes to things falling apart
in my house. I find that if I tackle one thing -
and one thing only - it helps and then I'm able
to do more. We are powerless over what is going
on, but we are not without power. Sometimes I
just have to give up and laugh - or cry - and
then I'm able to do the next right thing. Just
keep doing the next right thing.

Ceil

Hi, guys. I wanted to tell you that on syrus radio on a show called, "Successful Living" I will be on a show about Tom Lagana and "Chicken Soup for the Prisoner's soul" I got to plug the site and hopefully more ladies will come together to support each other from that. It will also be a webcast. I don't know the exact date yet.
Things have been pretty good here. Of course I still don't know if I have been officially dumped by my husband...oh, I mean given to God and set free to live a happy life. Excuse me. Anyway, of course my heart has been heavy and between my animal deal, my daughter's health scare and being away from everyone I have been doing pretty well. I have decided until I get home to believe I am still married to my husband and that he will recover from this depressive state that is telling him he will die in prison, (3 of the kids he came in with in 1983 all died in the same week) and that he will draw closer to me instead of cut me loose. That way I can still be of service to folks here. When I get home and find out the truth I will cope with it then. I am not a person who easily enters into marriage or turns my back on the people I love. The "we can still be friends" letter was really too much for me on the day I got it and it still crushes on me hard. He has turned me lose before for my own good...but not like this, not for so long.
Anyway, I just wanted to share what was going on with you guys. I have been busy beyond measure while here but still got being sad worked in...you know, there is always time for what is important. Ha.
Later ladies. I help teach a domestic violence class in Hampton tonight and I return home on Saturday.

Toni, I listen to Sirius radio all day at work, so I'd love to know when and what channel so I can hear you!

Goldylox, it's always darkest just before dawn. You hang in there, and come here to cry and scream anytime.

Joyce

Ceil, great post. All of us have been there. Like my, I hate everything letter to Doug. I prayed and found all of you. And I thank God every day.

Toni, Doug was arrested 2 days after we were married. He gave me the if you send me the papers, I'll sign them letter. I cried then I laughed. My exact words to him was "you bought the vehicle, you have the title, This wasn't a test drive." LOL I had been alone for 9 years. When I met Doug, he was exactly the person I had dreamed about my whole life. It really hurt my heart that he would offer that. But, he was afraid all of this would hurt me. I explained to him that I can't see my life without him in it. And I really think he would have given up if I had took him up on it. God hears from me a WHOLE lot. And God will take care of you too. Hang in there.
Leisanne

My husband would let me go anytime I asked. He always would. He said he loved me enough to do what was best for me. I think that is the sign of a man who truly loves you. Your happiness is more important that his. Now don't get me wrong, David hasn't told me to leave him now, he just told me that Ihad to make some decisions and to let him know what they are. I know his guilt over what he did to us always kept him out longer when he was on a drug binge. What helps me is to know that his drug addiction had absolutely nothing to do with me. I can't imagine going through something like you are, Leisanne, where his is innocent and someone got mad and charged him. What helps me through is to know that I just don't love him, but he loves me. Don't give up Toni.

Ceil

I think I'll always love Kenny more than he loves me. Meanwhile, I am feeling so DEPRIVED. Just DESPERATE for solace, affection, peace, calm, good sleep, normal human interaction.

This way of life is just not normal.

Joyce

Good post Joyce. I have all those feeling, too.
Ceil, doug showed me he would let me go. And it was out of love.

Good News came today. My approval came through!
I started to drop everything and drive down tonight. But, God intervened. I'm on total overtime until midnight Saturday. And I am off all next weekend. It would have been 2 steps back if I had ditched the OT.

Doug doesn't know I know. And I am sure he thought I would drop everything if he called and told me. And I would have. I'll get the call in the morning.

All of you are so much help to me. Thank You for being here.
Leisanne

As soon as I know what is going on then I will tell you about the radio show. Today was very special. I got to co-speak with Tom Lagana and his wife Laura who wrote "Chicken Soup for the Prisoner's soul" and "Serving time serving others" and Chicken Soup for the Volunteer's Soul. During Tom's speech they had me read my contribution to the prisoners soul book to both a group of men and a group of women prisoners. Then the guys had found out it would be my birthday next weekend and I will be driving to see my husband on my birthday to see him on Satruday and Sunday so they all stood up and sang me happy birthday. There were about 40 men and well, prisoners have my heart and it was extreemly touching for me.
I agree with you that my husband is acting selflessly. It is just that I haven't heard from him in a week and I feel like when you loved someone since they were 3 1/2 years old in one way or another then, well, it is hard to go back to friends after 10 years of romance. However, I can not discount the possiblity that he may have decided that romance is something he no longer wants and that this decision is about what is right for him. If that is the case...I have no ground to stand on. If it isn't I will fight for this relationship every day for the rest of my life if I have to.
Take care, I'm headed back to the big stage of Texas and I'm gonna get all the things handled that have piled up while I was here.

Hello everyone,

Hope all is well or as well as can be expected w/everyone. Just thought I would check in it's been getting hard to get to the web site since I check it while I'm at work.

Toni---thank you for calling last night it was nice to be able to talk to someone else that knows how life has it's up's and down's durning this time.

As for me and Daryl last night was the first time in a a week and all we did was fight. He knows that the situation at home isnt good right now. About to loose my car and all the utlites in the house are behind and all have cust off noticed. He said I've been telling him that everything at home is fine and I know I havent why sugar coat anything. I was up all night crying and I wont be able to go see him until May 13th and who knows when he'll be able to call again. I'm getting to the point of where I cant take this anymore.

He's finally on the DOC'S web site but no release date and they havent givin him one I just want this nightmare to come to an end....AAARRRRGGGGG

This is a depressing weekend, I can't go see Derek because of a series of problems...from fracturing my right ankle, then throwing out my LEFT knee from OVERcompensating w/o crutches (I'm using crutches NOW) The fuel pump went out on my car...there's something WRONG with it, it won't start. And I can't visit my son either, same reason...or the grocery store, or the dollar store (my favorite store) so I'm just stuck at home--can't even do housekeeping just laying around, getting fatter...can you tell I'm just depressed...

Hi all,

I hope all of you are doing better. We all seem to be having our ups and downs but tomorrow is a new day full of surprises, hopefully all good. =) I was in vicinity of a computer so I thought I would post. I have good news and bad news. Actually not really bad, just frustrating.

The frustrating news is I started my new job at the call center and I really dislike it. The people are not very friendly and the environment is really bugging me. I started to have really bad panic attacks two weeks ago and they come and go as they feel. I feel mortified and embaressed when I am in public because they get pretty full blown- the shaking, the crying, the sweating, can't breathe and I really feel like I am going to faint and bust my head on the floor. I can shorten the duration and sometimes calm them before they start, but other times it gets the best of me. Anyway my little quirks are probably making me feel anxious. I don't like people invading my space or touching me and the surrounding area I work in, that's not really realistic. Plus its so loud (for me)and I am having trouble ignoring all the other reps talking and I can't freakin focus. Anyway, I am searching for another job as we speak. I really want to quit and not go back but I am afraid that I might not be able to get another one quickly, so I try to be positive but it really hurts...

The good news is I talked to my baby and he is okay considering.. He got three months to serve which is really a blessing because he could have gotton x4 than that. I am happy for him and me too, but I am scared about what will happen when he gets out. There is so much uncertainty and I find myself evaluating things again because I love him to death but I am afraid of a replay. Plus my own mental status feels weak and I am having trouble finding a doctor since I have no insurance yet. I worry that maybe we will end up triggering each other since we have some of the same emotional/mental problems. I can't believe I am saying this aloud because I am kinda embaressed but you all have been so supportive and I just need to vent.

Leisanne- Thanks so much for offering to write me, that was so kind of you. I am glad that your approval came through. =)

Goldy- I am sorry you are having a tough time, it seems like when it rains it pours. Things will get better, God has a way of working in mysterious ways. Keep the faith and hope your ankle is doing better.

Hope you all have a great week. =)

Hi Everyone,

It's been a very emotional weekend for me too. I called friday and found out my approval came through. But, I have had all this overtime schedule so I didn't plan on going to see Doug until next weekend. I called his Mom and told her what I had found out. And I thought Doug would call me Friday afternoon or Saturday to tell me. I heard nothing from him. I was so hurt that he didn't call to tell me. I talked to his Mom again and she said that he was very excited. She also told me that I knew Doug always called me on Sunday. It just made the hurt so much worse. I couldn't figure out why he wouldn't call.

Saturday afternoon, it worked out that I could drive down to see him. It's 5 and a 1/2 hours. I went and spent the night at a hotel. I was at the facility at 7:30a. I when through the whole check in and when to the family area to wait. When he walked in that door, it was like no one else was in that room. He laughed and said you weren't suppose to be here until next weekend. I told him I drove down to tell him he was an asshole for not calling and telling me I was approved but he could call and tell his mother. Ladies, I could have knocked him over with a feather. After a bewildered look he said "Sweetheart, I called Mom Thursday night and told her to call you at work, that I couldn't wait until Friday night for you to know." We talked about it. Doug said as soon as he told her she wanted to know when she was going to be approved. And she told me that Doug wanted me to work all weekend. It's amazing where that "jealousy dragon" shows his face.

Doug and I are both over it. It was an awesome reunion. There were lots of hugs and kisses. And we talked the whole time. The guards were great. They didn't care if you sat with your arms around each other. I'm on cloud nine.

Then, my money situation has been like all of yours. It has sucked. I got a letter from the IRS. It seem they owe me money. God does take care of us.

Hi, everybody. Well, everyone who said that my husband was dumping me for my sake was right. I mean, this has happened before years ago, but not like it did this time. It didn't feel the same. It seemed more intense. Pushy. He said that he had thought I might have met someone and needed to be set free but was ill after doing so. Jeeze.
One lady inmate told me that at the prison gate men are issued a "Stupid" button and that every once in a while they run over and hit that button just because it's there. Ha. I guess that is right. The timing had a lot to do with why it seemed so real.
I am home, worn out and ready for my visit this weekend. Unfortunately I have to drive to amarillo tomorrow, and then come back because I have to pick-up the loved one of a prisoner to visit her boyfriend when I return to amarillo to visit my husband. If I didn't have that to do I could just stay up there for my birthday on Friday and be cool instead of spend it driving and paying cruise ship prices for gas to visit a prison. Ha. It never fails that I can find new ways to cost myself money I don't have.

An early Happy Birthday Toni!!!!!!

Doug called last night and we are both still on "cloud nine" about our visit. I was suppose to go back Saturday, May 13th. They have asked me to work that weekend. I know Doug will be disappointed. Toni is so right about the gas prices. I drive a small car and it still takes 40.00 to fill it up.

And speaking of money. It cost us $19.19 fro Doug to call me. I am 380 miles away (Tennessee). Doug's parents are in the state of Florida. It cost $5.50 for him to call them and they are 700 miles away. Can anyone explain that one.
Leisanne

Hi, ladies. I canceled my first trip to Amarillo so I could better afford the trip to visit Johnny. The deal was a lady invited me to an event and well, I was looking to be social for a change...this lone wolf stuff has it's limits. Anyway, the lady who I had never met invited me through my daughter and then never returned my phone calls. I figured why spend 120 on gas minimum round trip if I couldn't even verify that I hadn't been uninvited. Tomorrow is my birthday and I will be 47 years old. Yeppie. So far so good. I think as far as birthday's go it is my most recognized. Normally I don't have much going but this year it is much different. I like it this way better. LOL.
I received 2 letters from my huband. You know, I am pretty sure he isn't coming home. It is the first time I have felt this way. It is a life sentence and we do come up for parole again in 2008 but I just learned he was so desparate to come home and how they don't want to let you go if you don't take responsibility that he has written them and said he was sorry even though he didn't do it and we are fighting for his freedom. So, basically we are screwed. Anyway, I am pretty darn depressed today. The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results and if confessing to stuff you didn't do in ways that don't even match the crime over and over counts then I guess my husband fits the criteria. I understand why because when we tell them the real story and beg for them to examine the evidience we get denied, so why not say you are sorry, when you are already serving the time?
I am beyond discouraged today. My health took a hit and now I am headed for a neurologist within the next few months. Gggg. I'm sorry to dump. I just feel really backed against the wall and I no longer have any fight left in this dog. I won't leave my husand of course but I don't think he will ever be with me in the freeworld.

Toni,
I understand exactly where you are with the courts and the evidence. It came down to being Doug's word against his daughter's. And because so many kids have been killed and abducted in the state of Florida, they always side with the "victim". Doug and I had a long talk about the whole situation during our visit on Sunday. We know we are going to have a very hard "road" ahead of us because of public opinion. And because our only choice seemed to be to take the deal, Doug wants to turn all of this into something positive. He wants to work with prisoners through ministry. I don't know if he will be allowed. He has his heart in the right place. And that is one of the reasons I am so in love with him.
Hang in there everyone. God hears our prayers.
Leisanne

Hi girls. Today is Kenny's birthday. I sent him 3 cards, a funny one about a middle-aged chopper rider, a homemade one, and I sent back the one he sent me for my birthday last fall. We're going to swap it back and forth until he comes home, and maybe even after.

He's got no money, so I won't be able to talk to him today. My budget is SO tight, and he doesn't get paid until the 10th, so I might have to go a while without talking to my sweetie.

But I'm hanging in there, hope you all are too. Have a good weekend. I'll probably post a lot missing his voice...

Joyce

Kenny and Toni have the same birthday...I love it!

It's another pretty day in southeastern PA, and I'm missing my guy.

This is weird, but I'll try to explain. I know he has no money for phone calls until the money order I sent today hits his account. So I know he isn't going to be calling. While I'd like to talk to him, I have no stress about when he's going to call or what we're going to have to talk about. I'd love to hear from him, but NO CALL = NO STRESS and I guess you have to have a husband in prison to even begin to understand. I know you ladies do.

Enjoy your Sunday...I'm participating in a block party/yard sale, so it should be an adventure ... I'll let you know what goes down!

Joyce

Hi Everyone,

I got to spend the day with Doug yesterday. I woke, Friday night, at midnight. My son was spending the weekend at a friends and I got up and drove down for the day. We had an evil guard in the visitors park. When visiting was over, Doug and I stood up and hugged and kissed a couple of time. Then he walked me to the door and I Hugged and kissed him again. This female guard blasted me as I went out the door and told me we had kissed and hugged 4 times. I just walked on out. Then she went and pulled Doug out of the exit line. She told him in that if we kissed and hugged like that again, she would see that his visitation privilages are taken for the remainder of his sentence. I just don't understand why they feel that people that are inmates should not be loved. This guard was very ugly to several visitors yesterday. If any of us complain, she makes it hard on the inmates.

Several weeks ago, someone brought up "the stupid Button" that every man has access to and will just hit it every once in a while. Well, Doug hit that button this week. Doug was telling me about a new kid that is a mooch. He said that he finally had enogh and told the guy " I have 3 kids, a step-son, and ex wife and a wife. I do not need another burden. Ok Ladies, what words di I hear? Wife and burden. Lets just say, he is begging for mercy. LOL
BTW, My name is Lisa Suzanne, that's where the Leisanne comes from. LOL I actually go by Suzanne.
Have a great week,
Suzanne

You know, it's weird how we all go through the exact same feelings...sure our stories our a bit different, and the characters are just that...and so are all different...but we are all in this together, loving our man, trying to hang in there, dealing with the lonliness, the anger, the financial difficulties, the attitudes of our spouses and the rest of the world, even our children....and we meet whenever we come here...to sort things out, talk it out, give each other mental hugs and to be there for one another! It's really cool. I have a favor...my son Michael is in juvenile..and he fractured his ankle and requires surgery, if anyone would be willing to send him a note of encouragement, if you email me the_pyburns@juno.com I'll give you his addrss...he's 17 and would LOVE the fan mail!
Maureen

P.S. I finally got two dates, release of my son and release of my husband. My son Michael will be released 6/7/06 and my husband, Derek, will be released 3/1/07 ...that one is a long way off...but it could have been 6 years....

Maureen,
Great news on the release dates. Doug's isn't until May 28, 2009. That's a whole lot better than the 125 he was looking at if we went to court. I'm still angry at him over the burden remark.

Everyone,
It's like we are the sisterhood. And it is awesome to know there are people that understand exactly how you are feeling.
One of the hardest things for me is that the system doesn't think the inmates are worthy of people loving them. I watched the children with there dads at the last two visits. They were playing ball with a plastic block. It wouldn't hurt them to make it a family room/area. Have balls to throw or swings to push the children on. These are the memories the children are going to have forever. Example: There was a young mother going in to see her husband. Their daughter is 8 months old. She was caring the same bag of supplies she brought for every visit. The evil guard refused to let her bring in the babies toys, teething rings, Etc. All of this is in the state of Florida. They won't let us take new packs of playing cards in anymore either.
Doug also said that in the past they were allowed to get packages on birthdays and at Christmas. Not any more. Wonder what can be done?
Suzanne

Im new here and feel like Im dying. My beloved boyfriend will start a 10 year sentence in a month and everyday is so hard for me. I feel like I cant go on and I dont know how to be strong.

Boys (and girls for that matter) in the Federal System can only get regular mail, and publications from the publisher, or Amazon / Barnes & Noble. I don't think there's much that can be done about it.

My sister (clueless) asked about sending him a birthday cake. Even though he's at a camp, I was like, "Okay, let's send him a birthday cake with a file baked in it!" I guess it's just weird jailhouse humor, but I'm all about that. Sometimes it's only the weird humor that gets me through this shit.

I'm doing Okay for now, but kind of "letting the time DO me" instead of just me "doing the time." There IS a difference.

And he manages to piss me off with the same stupid stuff that he pissed me off with before he went away. Simply put: he can't do ONE thing I've EVER asked him to do for me. Nope, never, not ever. He's too immature, selfish, self-centered, and I don't think one F-ing thing is ever going to change about our relationship. I DO, he DOES NOTHING, I suffer, and things just go along so damned merrily I could shit.

XOXO--- Joyce

Tiff, you are in the right place. Let your heart bleed here ... rant, rave, cry, scream...

Welcome to the site, but sorry you have to be here.

Hello, I sent the last posting before reading theu all of your stories. Because there was another Tiffany on here, I guess I will go by Lorraine, my middle name. Although I havent spokent o any of you, I am glad to have found ths sight. Ill tell my story here I guess.

My b/f got in trouble before he met me. We met while I was in college but he disappeared because his court case was going to trial and he didnt want me to be apart of that. In that time, he was tried, convicted and sentenced to 10 years. We met again after an entire year had gone by and while he was out on bail awaiting an appeal. In that year, I realized that he was the one for me. He were together almost everydaya nd enjoying our lives together. We had our ups and downs but in the end I knew I was blessed to have found the man that I know is for me. We were approved for an apartment together and an hour later, he called and told me that his appeal had been denied. My whole world fell in. He is scared and so am I. I know that many of you ladies have been dealing with the situation of yur beloved partners being incarcerated for some time now and my plight has not yet begun. In 5 weeks, Joel is to start his time and we only found out a week ago. This has been the worse week imaginable. I love his so much. We are not amrried and wedont have any children, but I feel as though we are still a family, he is my other half. My heart and soul aches daily just to know that I can see him, kiss him and touch him now, but who knows what will happen in a month. I am so scared about walking this apth by his side. I praythat something happens and he does not have to do all 10 years. I pray that I have the strength and the love to stay by his side always. I pray that he is close enough for me to get to when he is settled in a facility. He is a great guy and is in this situation because of something stupid. One mistake and he got 10 years i federal prison. I have heard so much about federal prison. I heard that thereisnt any possibilty of parole, Ive heard that hemay be sent sofar away. I am soooo scared and you ladies seem to be a great support group. I am struggling emotionally andmenatlly and have nowhere else to turnbecause I dont think friends and family will understand. Do you have any words for me to endure the next 5 weeks and the endless time thereafter? I would appreciate any thought.

Lorraine, I'm a Federal Widow. It sucks. There's no parole, as you were correctly informed. Any chance he can qualify for the "safety valve" ? i.e. is he a first time, non-violent offender? that got us almost 3 years off of what would have been a 10 year sentence.

Then there's good time, provided he doesn't get into any trouble, which means 15% off. Then there's the possibility of the drug program, which can earn you up to 12 months off. then there's half-way house for the last 6 months.

where are you? how old are you guys? what the heck did this knucklehead do?

email me if you want.

Joyce

Thanks so much for posting. I am so scared. 10 years is a long time. Yes he is a first time non violent offender. I am so scared and I hope that he doesnt have to do the entire 10 years. I would prefer that he did none of his time but I guess I should just prepare myself. He was charged with attempting robbery, conspiracy to rob and brandishing a weapon. I didnt think that it shouldve been a federal case but I guess because it was an alleged attempt to rob drug dealers, they added the drugs which made it a federal case. I just turned 24 yrs on Sunday and he is 23. We are in NY. If there is any other information that you could offer regarding the federal system, I would appreciate it. Everyone we asked isnt familiar with the federal system. Its just so heart breaking because i dont know what the years have in store for us. A coworker told me that her brother was sentenced to 10-15 in federal prison but was being released after 5 years. So I am keeping the hope and prayers alive.

Since your husband had originally a 10 year sentence, how much of that do you expect him to do after u calculate all the time that can reduce the sentence. How many years has he done? Does it get any easier wants he is in?

Lorraine,

Sigh....I feel for you, honey. Sadly, since there was a weapon involved, the "safety valve" doesn't come into play. Has he been officially sentenced yet? Did he "self-surrender"? or did they have to come and arrest him?

It does get easier once he's in and you get into a new routine. Funny, but my relationship with Kenny is actually better after he's been in for over a year than it was the last 2 years before he went in (major drug problem boy). Those years were hell on earth and I prefer him being locked up rather than being out here raising hell and making me miserable, endangering himself and me and my family, and generally being an asshole.

Does your boy have a drug problem? RDAP (Residental Drug Addiction Program) is a nine month intensive program for Federal Prisoners that can earn you up to 12 months off. Kenny MUST do that as part of his sentence.

You should email me / call.

If you email me, i'll give you my cell phone number. no one should have to do what you are doing alone. it's a lonesome road.

meanwhile, definitely go to BOP.gov .... the Fedsters got it all figured out!!

Oh, and pray and pray and pray, if only to keep the demons out of your head.

Joyce

Last night Kenny and I had what I like to call "bad phone" (in stark contrast to "good sex").

We're in a little tiff over something trivial, both of us stressed out and miserable, and he called me "selfish" and I hung up on him.

I don't need that crap at all. I just keep hearing "you're selfish" over and over in my head and it just sounds worse and worse, like a festering wound, getting infected, and I'm picking at it until I've got a blood infection and need a trip to the ER.

How dare he?

This could be my que to skeedaddle ... why do I put up with this? Why have I put up with him for all these years? I hate being treated like I don't matter. Someday I'll have a man who appreciates me. I sure don't have that now.

Love,

Ms Moody .... Joyce

Hello Ladies,

It's been awhile since I've been able to post anything and alots been going on. My department closed down again at the dealership which left me w/o work for a few weeks. I was able to find a good job but since it's northern I have to leave my house @ 6:30a to be in at 8a. Daryl has been transferred to Deep Meadows so he's finally in the DOC I havent talked to him in over 3 weeks and the last time we talked to was a fight. Once I catch the phone bill up he'll be able to call the house b/c they finally take the block off. But w/the new job I only get paid 2 times a month. Power was cut off last week I had to beg borrow and steal $1400 to get it turned back on. Now I have to wait on clearence to go see him still no release date and way too much to try to be sneaking and typing while at work. I'm going to try to get to a computer this weekend to update everything.

Hope All is well with everyone else...trying to keep my head up

Lovelostjack,

It took my husband about 3 - 4 weeks to get medical clearance for a visit. Just a little FYI, they are really picky at Deep Meadow about what you wear. I had seen them turn people away because of wearing a white shirt. Another lady looked like she had just come from church and they turned her away because if she bent over you could see down her shirt. I had to wear a jacket one time because if I put my arms all the way up - which they made me do - my shirt rose up and you could see some skin. When he was moved it got a lot better. They also have a rotating Sat/Sun visitation schedule Depending on his building, his visits would be on Saturday one week and Sunday the next. At least we got to hug and stuff there. But they are definitely strick!

Hi Girls,

Lorraine, Welcome to the "sisterhood." I'm sorry you are going through this. Hand it over to God. He has heard from me more in the last few months than he had heard from me in several years. This is an awesome site to be a part of. There is always someone here that understands.

Maureen, I got a card in the mail. I hope his surgery went well.

Ok girls,
It must be the week from #$%^ for all of us. I got a call from Doug, last night. He was upset over the hurting my feeling. Plus, they put him on crutches. He said it was like they hung a "yell at me sign" around his neck. We talked and things ar "peachy keen" with us. He understood that he had said something that my ex had constantly through up in my face.

Then yesterday, I get a call from my son's school. He is going to fight a boy after school. I called the office and by the time I got there, the vice principle and the onsite officer had both of them. The other boy lied about it all. My son told them everything. They already knew because a teacher had seen everything and had already reported it. My son was commended for telling the truth and only got 4 hours of in school suspension.
THen My ex husband threatened our son.
Then he informed me yesterday, that he is mailing the child support check now. For 9 years, I have had to go by his job to pick it up. It's right by my bank. And for 9 years, he has forgotten to bring it atleast once every three months and I would have to go to his house and pick it up. Isn't the timing funny, rigth before Mother's Day.
What an A%%.

BTW, it took us almost 3 months to get visiting clearence. They take their own sweet time.

Hope everyone has a GREAT Mother's Day.
Suzanne

ladies,
Loosk like I will be on this site alot inthe future. You all have been so welcoming. Everyday is hard. I can only think about how far 10 years is from now. I try to look at the bright side of things, I can still see him (eventually), we dont have children, I am not financial struggling, and we still have our love. I just dont want to be without him. How have you ladies dealt with being lonely? How do u keep ur love strong and stay by ur men?

Lorraine,

Doug and I were married two days when he went in. We write almost every day. We talk once a week and I see him once a month. Try to look at it that everyday that passes is one day closer to him being home. And right now, while he is home with you, live and love every minute like there is no tomorrow. Make memories. Take lots of pictures so you can send them to him.
Suzanne

leisanne,

how long has he been in? I just spent the day with my boyfriend and came to realize that my love is stronger than I thought. I want to marry him, be his wife, the mother of his children and all that will have to be put on hold. It will be hard to take pics and such because we try not to talk about whats to come as if we dont speak on it, it wont happen. I am excited though because he will be coming back home to me tomorrow. Ever since we found out that he has to go in, he had been staying away which drove me crazy. We have finally gotten to a point where he will be back, be with me, and we shall sleep in teh evenings. He has given himself to god, no sex, no curse and just wanting to do right by god. I respect that and will help him as I too have enlisted the help of god. He is a wonderful man. Can any of you tell me how u have stayed completely devoted to your men? I so want to be that way and when I tell him, he thinks that its just an empty promise but seeing how you ladies have done it, I know I can do it too!

HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY!!!!!!

Lorraine,
Doug has been in a little over three months. I was seperated and divorced for 8 years before I met him. The day we married, as we walked into the garden, I started laughing and told him that I was doing something I swore I would NEVER do again. Doug is the best thing that has ever happened to me besides my son. And even being 384 miles away, he with my son made this the best Mother's Day I have had in the 15 years since my son was born.
You can e mail me direct at lsstout1@juno.com

Maureen,
Hope everything is well. How did the surgery go?

Joyce,
Hope everything is better with you. Doug called this morning. Our last call was like the one you had. But, he sounded so much better.

Tomorrow is Doug's birthday. After 4 visits to the nurse, about his foot. She finally decided he needed to se the doctor. There is a knot and major swelling. And this has been going on for three weeks. That's FDOC for you. Hey girls, do you think I need to call the "brothers Bush". LOL
Suzanne

Ceil,

Thank you for the info on the visitation with Deep Meadows. I was confused when Daryl told me about the rotation of the visits. So I guess when I go to see him I should just put a big black bag over my whole body (LOL) since he also sent me a list of what not to wear. I truly just cant wait to see him, we havent talked in almost a month the last phone call was a fight, then they transferred him and now I'm still waiting on clearance....the block should be off my phone w/in the next week so at least he'll be able to call the house. Still havent gotten a release date but I'm hopeing that will be soon. I've been trying to figure it out on my own--but all that does is give me a head ache--he was sentenced to 5 years given credit for the 3 yrs he did in the past--so that would knock it down to 2 yrs--his lawyer said he'll do 10 months and 2 weeks for every year. So it should be about 21 months. I know he earned time off for completing the drug program and he's already been down for 8 months.
It's crazy I have my moments were it feels like he just left then there's those day where it feels like it's been a 1000 years since I've seen him all I want is to be able to feel him again---but at least I know that will happen the next time I get to see him. Things have started to pick up in other ways. I now have a much better paying job--my best friend moved in w/me and between me and her we should have all the bills caught up w/in the next 2 mnths--so God is slowly giving me blessing or I should say more blessings

Lorraine,
Value that time you still have together. Daryl and I knew he was going back to jail in Aug. so I had 2 months with him and we spent everyday as if it was our last day together--in some aspects it made it easier in some it harder that he's not here now---I dont think it ever gets easy to handle to scared feeling that comes along with this but at least you have somewhere to come to to vent--this site has been a great place for me--

Hope everyone had a great mother's day (unfortunally I didnt get to see my son but I have him this weekend to make up for it)

God Bless and as always keep your head up

I love you in EVERY language:

afrikaans : Ek het jou liefe
afrikaans : Ek is lief vir jou
alsacien : Ich hoan dich gear
amharic : Afekrishalehou
arabic : Ana Behibak
arabic (Formal Arabic) : OOHEBOKA
arabic : Ib'n hebbak.
arabic : Ana Ba-heb-bak
arabic : nhebuk
bari ( A Sudanese Language) : Nan nyanyar do
Nan nyanyar do parik
basc : Nere Maitea
batak : Holong rohangku di ho
bavarian : I mog di narrisch gern
bengali : Ami tomAy bhAlobAshi
bengali : Ami tomake bhalobashi.
berber : Lakh tirikh
bicol : Namumutan ta ka
bulgarian : Obicham te
cambodian : Bon sro lanh oon
cambodian : kh_nhaum soro_lahn nhee_ah
canadian French : Sh'teme
cantonese : Ngo oi ney
catalan : T'estim (mallorcan)
catalan : T'estim molt
catalan : T'estime (valencian)
catalan : T'estimo (catalonian)
chinese : Wo ie ni
croatian : LJUBim te
czech : miluji te
czech : MILUJU TE!
danish : Jeg elsker dig
dutch : Ik houd van jou
english: I love you
esperanto : Mi amas vin
estonian : Mina armastan sind
estonian : Ma armastan sind
farsi : Tora dust midaram
farsi : Asheghetam
farsi (Persian) : doostat dAram
filipino : Mahal ka ta
filipino : Iniibig Kita
finnish : Mina" rakastan sinua
flemish : Ik zie oe geerne
french : Je t'aime
friesian : Ik hou fan dei (sp?)
gaelic : Tha gradh agam ort
german : Ich liebe Dich
greek : S' ayapo
greek : (Ego) philo su (ego is only needed for emphasis)
gujrati : Hoon tane pyar karoochhoon.
hausa : Ina sonki
hebrew : Ani ohevet otcha (female to male)
hindi : Mae tumko pyar kia
hindi : My tumko pyar karta hu
hindi : Main tumse pyar karta hoon.
hindi : Ham Tomche Payer Kortahe
hindi : Mai tumse peyar karta hnu.
hindi(Kannada) : Naanu ninnannu premisuththene
hokkien : Wa ai lu
hopi : Nu' umi unangwa'ta
hungarian : Szeretlek
hungarian : Szeretlek te'ged
icelandic : M-Ig elska M-~ig
icelandic : Eg elska thig
indi : Mai tujhe pyaar kartha hoo
indonesian : Saja kasih saudari
indonesian : Saya Cinta Kamu
indonesian : Saya cinta padamu
indonesian : Aku cinta padamu
irish : taim i' ngra leat
italian : ti amo (if it's a relationship/lover/spouse)
japanese : Kimi o ai shiteru
japanese : Watakushi-wa anata-wo ai shimasu
javanese : Kulo tresno
kiswahili : Nakupenda
klingon : qabang
klingon : qaparHa' (depends from where you are in the galaxy)
korean : Tangsinul sarang ha yo
korean : Nanun tongshinun sarang hamnida
kurdish : Ez te hezdikhem (?)
lao : Khoi huk chau
latin : Te amo
latin : Vos amo
latin : (Ego) amo te (ego, for emphasis)
latvian : Es tevi Mlu (s teh-vih me-lu)
lingala : Nalingi yo
lithuanian : TAVE MYLIU ( ta-ve mee-lyu )
luo : Aheri
madrid lingo : Me molas, tronca
malay : Saya cintamu
malay : Saya sayangmu
malay/Indonesian : Aku sayang enkow
malay/Indonesian : Sayah Chantikan Awah
mandarin : Wo ai ni
mohawk : Konoronhkwa
navaho : Ayor anosh'ni
ndebele : Niyakutanda
nepali : Ma timilai maya garchu, Ma timilai man parauchu
norwegian : Eg elskar deg (Nynorsk)
norwegian : Jeg elsker deg (Bokmaal) (pronounced: yai elske dai)
osetian : Aez dae warzyn
pakistani : Muje se mu habbat hai
persian : Tora dost daram
polish : Kocham Cie
polish : Ja cie kocham
portuguese : Eu te amo
romanian : Te iu besc
russian : Ya vas lyublyu
russian (malincaya) : Ya Tibieh Lublue.
russian : Y'a liou-bliou tibya
russian : Ya vac loobyoo
russian : Ya tebya loobyoo
russian : Ya l'ubl'u t'ebya
russian : Ju ljublju tebja!
russian : LJUBLJU TEBJA!
russian : ya lyublyu tebya
russian : Ya polubeel s'tebya.
russian : ya tebya ljublju
scot Gaelic : Tha gra\dh agam ort (ascii prob here?help! )
serbian : LUBim te.
serbocroatian : volim te
shona : Ndinokuda
sinhalese : Mama oyata adarei
sioux : Techihhila
slovak : lubim ta
slovene : ljubim te
spanish : Te quiero (I realy-realy care for you)
spanish : Te Amo (I love you)
srilankan : Mama Oyata Arderyi
sudanese ( Bari ) : Nan nyanyar do (I love you)
Nan nyanyar do parik (I love you very much )
swahili : Naku penda (followed by the person's name)
swedish : Jag a"lskar dig
swedish : Iaj Alskar Dej
swiss-German : Ch'ha di ga"rn
syrian/Lebanes : BHEBBAK (to a male)
tagalog : Mahal kita
tamil : Naan unni kathilikaran.
tamil : Ni yaanai kaadli karen.
tcheque : MILUJI TE^
telugu : Neenu ninnu pra'mistu'nnanu
telugu/india : Nenu Ninnu Premistunnanu
thai : Ch'an Rak Khun
thai : Phom Rak Khun
tigrigna/ Eritrea, East Africa: yefqreka iye (to a male)
tunisian : Ha eh bak
turkish : Seni seviyorum
urdu : Mujge tumae mahabbat hai
uzbek : Man seni sevaman
vietnamese : Em ye^u anh (woman to man)
vietnamese : Toi yeu em
vlaams : Ik hue van ye
welsh : 'Rwy'n dy garu di.
welsh : Yr wyf i yn dy garu di (chwi)
yiddish : Ich libe dich
yiddish : Ich han dich lib
yugoslavian : Ya te volim
zazi : Ezhele hezdege (sp?)
zuni : Tom ho' ichema

Hi,
my name is julie and I am in love with my best freind that is incarcerated and is in forsyth,mo.
taney county jail annex. I am in des moines iowa.
I am so lonely for him and cannot seem to move ahead very well or think of a life without him.
I wont live a life without him. I am trying to
forgive him for abandoning me but I know I am on
the path of forgiveness. its just hard and I get on the pity pot with this. he asks for my forgiveness alot and I keep telling him I forgive and support him and will stay true and not leave him and I will be loyal no matter what.
we had a 2 yr relationship that was wonderful with no physical relationship. hard to believe but true, we were both married to other people.
this is how we became so close. even though our marrages fell apart we stuck together and decided after a hug (first contact) that we actually had some serious feelings for each other. we moved out of state and he went to jail.
now Iowa also has a hold on him so when he comes back he still has to find out what his PO will do with this. and he was dropped down to minimum supervision before he did this. but he didnt notify PO of leaving state of Iowa and committed a crime in Missouri. damned. I was left alone to handle all of it and ;pick up the peices. I am not really that angry except he doesnt write as much as I need him too. I guess I just need to talk to people who wont judge so I dont have to defend. thankyou so much for being here, you are really needed.
julie

Lovelostjack,

Have you checked the Va DOC yet? If you have his full name, you might be able to find it. I'm thinking that once David was moved to Deep Meadow I was able to locate him on the DOC site. Type is Va DOC in the search box and find it that way. They have an inmate locater box. Good luck.

Ceil

well ladies, I think my boyfriend just couldnt take it. I came home to find a "goodbye" note on the computer. I guess he has had it. I called him but he wont let me know where he is or what he is doing. He just kept saying sorry and asked me for his forgiveness. He said that he wishes things were different for us and wants me to move on and find someone who could make me happy like he did at one time. He doesnt think he deserves my love. So here I am now writing to all of you. I couldnt even make it to the point where he was in and we were working it out. Thats 4 weeks away and we just couldnt make it. In the end, I told him that I cannot sit here and keep crying for someone who doesnt feel like he is worth the fight. In my mind, for my sanity, Ill try to let it go and I told him that I love him, all is forgiven and that he knows how to reach me when he needs and wants me. This sux so bad!

Hi, everybody. I'm sorry I've been gone so long. Lorraine, I feel your pain. My husband did the same thing to me a while back...thinking he was being a knight in shining armor and well, for me, it was the worst thing he could do. My daughter wrote him a nasty gram and told him he was blowing it and all. We went through several weeks of agony and then finally got back on track. I can't say that this is the right move for everyone. I told him the best time to cut it off with me is 10 years 2 weeks ago before we got involved in a romantic relationship after than the next best time to break it off is when I approach him telling him I can't do it any more...but any time in the middle is just plain old bad timing.
He put me though so much pain and grief I told him he is gonna have to win me back. I mean, I am not unmarried or out of love, but the drama for drama's sake is not cool and it put me through a lot of pain.
I don't know if my husband will ever come home and I don't know if I could have done 10 years without my kids to occupy some of that time because the past 3 years have been the hardest because I have an empty nest and all.
To answer the question on loneliness. I was an only child of a working mom and so I am accustomed to being on my own...however, I joined an outdoor club to go on hikes and things so I can be active, camp and make friends. I also do a lot of crafts and well, anyone who has been on this website a long time knows I went through an excessive pets phase. Ha. I only have 2 dogs now. :) Still, I just do what I want to do. I made a list of 50 things I want to do before I die, posted it where others can see it and then I do those things. I would like to have my husband at home with me. Make no mistake I miss him every single freaking day...but I gotta make this work for me and make this reality the best it can be.
Well, I wish you the best. I don't know what else to say. It is a personal decision and nobody can tell you what is best for you. Logic is plain and simple but matters of the heart enter into all this and well, that is where the right choice for you becomes yours and yours alone.
I know one thing and that is your boyfriend believes he is being a man and doing the best thing for you by doing what he did. Like one of my counselor friends said...why would your husband think causing you pain now would keep you from hurting later? But my former boyfriend said that it wasn't a quesiton of now or later but the length of suffering that my husband was concerned with. My husband, 'Johnny, said he was right he was just trying to cut me loose so I could move on and have a happy life. I get it but that wasn't what happened...not in my case. I just felt alone.

Oh my goodness Julie, I totally can relate to what you said, you just need people to talk to who won't judge decisions. My husband and I are in the tail end of our time, six months left. And I do mean OUR time. He may be the one incarcerated, but I am in a prison too. Everyone judges me for sticking this out, but I had to give him this chance. We have a love that I didn't think would ever be possible. But now that it's almost over, I'm more heartbroken than I have been this entire time, why? Well because he should've been home last month. All of this mess is from so long ago, long before I met him, but now, my son and I pay for his demons of the past. I used to be angry, I'm over that, now I'm just heartbroken and sometimes, I seriously feel like I can't go on. My friends and family have a "suck it up" attitude as if I shouldn't be in so much pain, why because he "deserves" it. I don't think so,not like this, I understand you reap what you sow and you must answer to your actions, but sometimes I ask the question that every one of us in this position asks, "Why do I have to suffer too?"

I have tried that web site. I think I have tried every web site there is and he is on the DOC's site but there is no release date. I even had a number to call and they didnt have anything on file for him. And now of course I cant find the number. Thank you Ceil.

Daryl said he should know in the next few weeks but I figure they should have something now. I know the DOC takes there time in giving the inmates any type of information. I should have some patiences and just wait but he was sentenced in January 05 they should have something by now.

On a positive note a got a phone call last night to let me know that his clearence came through, I should hopefully be able to go see him this weekend. I'm alittle nervous about going to see him. It's crazy I havent seen or talked to him in alittle over a month, although I've been getting letters every day from him. But I guess because it's been so long since I've seen him (now there's no glass in the way) I'm alittle nervous. Is it crazy that I'm nervous. This is my King, my heart, soul and I'm scared to go see him?--------------He also asked me to marry him? I want to but once again that fear is kicking in. What if he hasnt changed? What if things dont get better once he's home?--But in the same sense if I didnt think things were going to be better would I really be waiting for him to come home?

Once again a million thoughts are going through my mind. And I dont know why I've been doing this for 8 months and I plan on doing the rest "of the time with him" so why do I keep doubting and questioning things?!?!?! If it wasnt for be able to get to this site and having somewhere to vent I think I would loose whats left of my mind.

Thanks again ladies for listening--Keep your heads up :)

Toni thanks for your words. That was his reasoning also. He loves me and I know that he does. But he said that he doesnt want me to suffer. He wishes things could be different and that I had come to him before all of this happened. I cried a lil more yesterday but then I realized... all I can do is tell him that I love him and want to be there for him but now I am just going with the flow so to speak. I havent called his phone and dont plan to. He hasnt called me either. I mean, I am sure he is going to end up contacting me when my absence becomes to overbearing but I dont think I would accept his calls. I mean, I have been devastated and decided that I would do whateva was in my power to stand strong and be there for him. I get scared thinking of waiting for him because these are those crucial years in my life. Im 24 in ten years when he is done, Ill be 34. In those years, I desperately wanted to have children and a husband. But I cannot drive myself insane. If at this time, he thinks it best to leave me be then what ca I say. I understand his reasoning and all. My only thing is dont put me thru a roller coaster of emotions. I would love mainlyfor his to be over and for him to be with me. I know thats not going to happen so then I wanted to be by his side. Now, no matter how much I want to be with him, be his wife, the mother of his children, the love in his life, I think I should probably let it be. If he feels so strongly about letting me go instead of holding on to me despite my many attempts to show him how much I love it, what can I do? I guess I will just keep myself busy. I have started my applications for graduate school and iI hope to be accepted that way I can have work and school to keep me occupied. If he comes back to me, Ill let you know. Right now, I am just leaving it in God's hands. If he is meant for me, God will find a way to bring him to be. If he is not for me, God will clear different paths for us which will never cross again. I just dont know.

"If he is not for me, God will clear different paths for us which will never cross again. I just dont know."

You're right, Lorraine, you just don't know. You just might cross paths someday again.

For me, I really enjoy the company of a handful of really kind men. I watch a lot of sports at my Ex's house (he's disabled). I meet a lot of men at work, many I've known for 10, 15, even 20 years. We go to baseball games together, arena football games together, they come and help me with minor repairs around the house and with cars and stuff. They all know I'm devoted to Kenny, and it's not just that I don't like being alone, it's just that I've been able to cultivate a large handful of really sweet "malefriends" (to distinguish them from "boyfriends").

My life is going on out here. There's lots of work to do, there's lots of fun to have.

So take it one day at a time. You're right: your young and you want a family. Not that it's not doable at age 34, but this is your life you've got to think about.

My prayers are with you.

Joyce

thankyou Christy for your response! yes it does feel like all of you know exactly what I am talking about and I am sure I dont know the half of how bad this can get. it seems like a lot of you know what its like to have a man gone for a substancial amount of years! this is both sad and uplifting to know that you have made it, you are among the living, but living and waiting...
this is so hard I am not sure unless you have been there, there is NO way possible to understand this kind of pain. also, I really appriciate that he can call me, but the gouging that goes on with the price of the calls is outragous! this is really a crime in itself!
we are the ones paying for these with an income gone not added, this is really bad! 4 dollar hookup fee, 89cents a minute. OMG I can only afford one call a week. he is not good about writing long letters or even regularly. I am getting angry about this because I can pump out
10 pages(no kidding) a day to him. weve never run out of things to say and I have told him that he needs to try a little harder and I wont except less, especially since I left him so many stamped envelopes and paper that he could write daily for a yr and not run out. I need more from him than a few paragraphs a couple times a week.
do any of you have this problem?
its not like he doesnt have the time, I am really busy and I find time for him. this is something that I find myself getting very bitter and angry about, it makes me feel like I am not that important and that he gets what he needs and i dont. I am out and waiting, some of you get letters daily! how did you do it?
I was thinking of not writing him at all for awhile and he could see what it felt like.
the wierd thing is, this isnt how he is...communication is very big with him. he just doesnt like to write. well, neither do I. but i do it. wow....complain complain...man I have got some anger issues going on with him.
I let him know he needs to write more. I almost feel like I dont really mean as much to him as what he says and what I want to think. but yet,
he makes me feel like I am the only thing keeping him alive. sometimes I wonder if really,
I am just his only contact on the outside number one, and two, all he has for family and freinds now. so he is just hanging on for dear life, but not because he loves me. odd thing to say.
wonder if that really makes any sense at all.
thankyou for listening ladies. my email is open too, please email if you want to.
julie juliepettorini@myway.com

Hi Ladies,
Wow, I was off a couple days and woohoo, the sites been busy.

I understand everyones anger. That was me last week. Doug really "beat himself up' over the burden remark. I don't think I ever have to worry about him saying that for a long long time.
It goes back to the "Stupid Button". These guys do not want to go through this alone. I wonder sometimes if they are testing us to see if we will stand by them. But, they are the ones that have to decide if they want our support.
Lorraine--Doug went through the "I don't want to drag anyone else into this." He also went through the you deserve better. But, God had a reason for us to be together. We lived almost 900 mile apart. I would have never met him if God had not wanted us together. This is coming from a woman that God DID NOT hear from very often. He probably gets tired of hearing from me now. LOL Pray and put it in God's hands.
Julie---Welcome to the site. What we are going through is not easy. And everyone here can relate to what you think and you feel. At times, all any of us can do is vent.
We are all here for each other.
Suzanne

I am now a true believer in the stupid button. I guess no matter how gud things are going, every man has that button on stand by. My only concern is that if he leaves, then stay gone. Today was a gud day and I found myself thanking him in my head for making the decision for me. My only concern is that he will reach for me when he is finally in. He will reach for me because I am all he has otherthan his parents. He will reach for me to take care of him. I know this. ONce dayout of the blue will be a call or a card and then it will all start from there. And by that time, I probably wont be so compassionate about his situation. He has less than 4 weeks left and if we r not usinfg this time to give me what I need from him and solidify our relationship, then I wont be so willing and ready to go thru a day, a month or 10 years with him. I would probably be pissed if he waited until he went in to start to deal with me again. I think that if he genuinely wants me to get on with my life without him, then he should prepare himself for my moving on. If not, he shouldve stuck with me and we couldve been preparing together. BUt alas, Im not crying anymore and I dont feel so sad. It wasnt as difficult getting up this morning and going about my daily business. Men get stupid but we love them. Do you ladies ever stop and wonder that if the shoe were on the other foot, would they do the same for us. Would it be as hard? Would they remaiin so dedicated? I commend all of you ladies and I keep you all in my prayers.

Lorraine,
It sounds like he is having a "pity party." And you are going through the normal emotions. My mother-in-law told me that I would go through all the emotions of a death. I thought that was the dumbest thing I had ever heard. She was right. Leaving Florida without Doug and not being able to talk to him for a month or see him for 3 months was the toughest thing I have ever went through. But, none of us are having to visit a grave site. Our Loved one is alive and well. And we thank God for that every day. Even though there are days we would like to "do away with them".

We all feel sorry for ourselves. We all have the major stress of every day living. And everyone of us have had days when we don't know if we have the strength to go on. That's why we are here. to vent our weaknesses. And draw on each others strengths.

Go ahead be angry. We have all been there.

And I have to say that everything he is doing is out of fear. He is scared to death. The day we went to court to accept the deal, I saw a side of Doug that broke my heart. I saw fear and sadness.
Hang in there.
Suzanne

Lorraine (tiff5782)

I have often wondered if I was the one in jail would Daryl do the same thing I am. I have even asked him would he do the same for me. The crazy thing I thought I already knew the answer (was expecting him to say no) he didnt. His answer to me was God puts people in each others paths for a reason. We both truly believe this. He also told me that he thinks this was supposed to happen it gives us a chance to see that our love is pure and real. That we both need each other and that this is showing us and giving us the time to truly learn each others personalities.--So in that sense he said that yes he would be doing the same for me. I truly believe him but then again I truly dont know.
I think the main reason I believe him is we both came from rough backgrounds more along the lines of the streets raising us and you dont back down on your word. I know I wish I wasnt going through this because the pain sometimes is inbearable--but everything happens for a reason I just havent figured out what the reason for all this is.

Good Morning Ladies,

I just need to vent. As you all know there is a block on my home phone that prevents any prisons to call my house. Well that will be taken off this weekend. I have been telling Daryl that in every letter I have sent him. So he has been calling a friend of ours, since it's the only phone that has been approved besides ours. Well to make a long story short he called there last friday and had told me in a letter that he was going to. So I wasnt thinking and didnt go over there. Was at my own house with my roommate (who are like family to me) just chillin playing a game. So my friend calls to let me know that Daryl was going to call back in about 15 minutes---I was drinking, my license is suspended granted he lives the next neighborhood over but it was raining and there's always cops between the "hoods" so I didnt want to risk it. That and the last time we talked we did nothing but fuss and I didnt want to do that at someone elses house.
So Yesterday I got a 12 page letter yesterday of how wrong I was and that I wasnt there from him and now he doesnt want to see me on Sat. which is his 1st visit in over a month that we'll have. He wants to know how I could tell him I Love him when I didnt even go to get his call. Accused of me being with another man says I dont care about him that I've turned my back on him and all this over one time of me not being there. I can remember numerous times when he was still home that I needed him and he wasnt there getting high was more important. But I never said anything to him about it until last night when I wrote him back--now he doesnt know how he feels about seeing me this weekend, incase I wasnt scared enough about going now I have to deal with this. I have always been there for him--shit where is he now in my times of need but I dont take one phone call and I'm the bad one.
Any suggestions?????

Hey ladies,

I thought I would post. My boyfriend and I have not gotten back together and have not seen each since I told you all that he left me but he has communicated with me thru email and that gave me an opportunity for me to tell him how much I loved him. I told him about you ladies and how I believe Ive gotten alot of strength from your stories and I KNOW that it will be okay. I know I will still end up being his primary support outside of his parents despite the fact that he has left me but with the support of you ladies, I know we will be okay.

Leisanne you and your mother in law was so right to say that you go thru all of the emotions of a death. Ive bee through them all and I know Ill revisit all of them again time and time again before this is all over with.

Lostlovejack, are you still going to go see him despite his pushing the "stupid button" this week? Also, you are right, we would never know if they would do the same for us.

Hi Everyone,
LostLoveJack--Isn't it amazing how men can be such babies when they don't get their way. He may be angry now, but just think how he is going to be if you don't visit him this weekend. They don't seem to think about, we are the ones paying to hear from them and paying to come see them.

I Love Doug very much. And we had talked about the finacial situation. He sent me a budget he came up with. Believe me, there was still money to go in his Canteen account and the money to pay the high phone bills. He also included an amount for me to make the trips to see him. Yes, I'm angry at him again. I had a garnishment put against me and that is taking 25% of my take home pay. I am working oddles of OT. But the more I work, the more they take. We have to take care of us first.
Suzanne

lostlovejack,
hi, I am new here and really feel kinda presumptious saying what you should do, but I guess that you wanted some feedback so, I will just say what I would do. you seem really torn up and that you really love this guy, seems like he loves you too. one thing about men especially mine is that they seem to be very selfcentered!!
arg...but what would happen if you walked in there to see him? I would bet the anger would melt and you both would feel a huge amount of relief just in seeing each other. I mean if I dont hear from troy I get really pissed at him.
just see what happens? good luck

Hi, Ladies. I agree with having male compainonship. My girls call me a "Shop chick" the Tomboy type of person. I don't see other men as a treath to our marriage and neither does my husband. It's just I like guy things. My whole life my friends have been mostly male and the men I do have in my life support my relationship with my husband and are my pals. If I felt something for someone then I would be back peddling like a mofo or seriously considering what the heck I should do. To me avoiding males would be the end of my marriage because I just don't generate female friendships that fast and they seem to lose interest in our friendship as soon as they get a boyfriend anyway. So, that is another thing that helps me put in the time. Having guys to go to the movies with, eat at resturants on occasion and to explain my husband's nobel reasoning for hitting the "stupid button" I can hardly wait to tell the lady prisoner who first coined that phrase that it has caught on so much.
Oh, here's the info on the radio show I did. It is on Lime.com and also on sirus ch 114. This is the promo for "Living Successfully" a program on the radio.
Monday, May 22 at 8 a.m. - "Chicken Soup for the Prisoner's Soul"
with Tom and Laura Lagana, plus...
counselor, Marvin Skinner and Toni Cyan Brock, wife of man serving life.
As an engineer, Tom Lagana gave dry technical talks, but did it so often his wife, Laura, suggested he join Toastmasters.

Knowing the power of a great story, he was deeply moved reading a story from a prison in-mate in a Toastmasters magazine. He felt led to a Jack Canfield workshop where he and wife, Laura, volunteered to edit a new book; it would be called Chicken Soup for the Prisoner's Soul.

On the same show, Marvin Skinner who works just outside the gate helping ex-offenders move into society. And Toni Cyan Brock, wife of a man serving a life sentence.

Recorded before a live audience at the Center for Therapeutic Justice's east coast office in historic Williamsburg, Virginia.

Rebroadcasts: Monday at 2 pm and 8 pm; Tuesday at 4 and 9 AM and 3 PM; Wednesday at 3 AM
(Eastern).

The weird thing about being in this book is that I told my family a few years ago when it came out. I showed them and everything and then I showed them POL and all I got was, "Why can't you write for people who didn't break the law." and now, all of a sudden the family wants to see the writing and all. It is almost like they are finding out for the first time now...nearly 5 years after the fact. Maybe 5 years ago the scandle that I was married to a prisoner was so big that any good was lost. Who knows? I hope you guys listen. It's pretty short and I hope, my big hope is it drives more folks to our website so they can get the support they need. I hope they kept that part in. :)
Take care! God bless everyone.

LostLoveJack,

I'm thinking how powerless these men must be feeling, and if he called you and you weren't there, well, he must have been devastated. If he were free, he'd understand that you couldn't take the risk of driving after you'd been drinking, but since he's in, he just doesn't get it.

I think inside, they're all almost always on "panic mode" worried about what is going on out here, and they have absolutely no control over anything.

Plus they're all under moment to moment stress of just being in there. Let's face it: they're not in there with their best friends. There's a lot of what you could consider "tribal warfare" and I try to have compassion when Kenny hits the stupid button. But I am lucky, because he hasn't really done that. He's very mild-mannered and low-key, and he'd argue that I'm the one with the stupid button!

Toni, I love my man-friends! But I got a call from a friend I've know since I was 12 last night and we talked for and hour and a half. Of course she wanted to know why I was sticking with Kenny, and all I could say was that it's because I love him. I love him. That's why I do what I do.

Love you ladies too! You're all my foundation. I wouldn't want to face a day without coming here and reading, venting, and gaining my strength.

xo -- Joyce

Hello Ladies,

Thank you everyone for the advise I have been driving myself crazy about Daryl's letter. After a few sleepless nights. I know in my heart he's just having a moment. So I plan to go see him after my sons game. His game ends around 10:30a so I should be able to make it to Goochland by about 12p. I know he's not made he's just hurting and yes he was pushing the stupid button through all this. He's been having a hard time. In the past few weeks his grandfather and one of his best friends died. The last time we talked it was a fight so I need to go see him just to reassure him that I am still here for him. This will be the first contact visit we will have since he's been down and I know we both could use a hug.

Joyce you are soooo right about him feeling powerless because he has meantioned that to me so many times in different letters. I know no matter what he wont turn down the visit (since his letter said he wasnt going to contact me until he got a response) and what better way then to go see him and look him in the eyes and tell him yes I was wrong for not going but he needs to stop thinking I've found someone else. He is truly my soulmate and I love him to death. I know if he was still home things would be so much different w/this situation but as you said he has been in "panic mode" alot more lately then usual but I know it's because of the lack of communication.
I will let you know how everything went this weekend.

Just as Joyce said you ladies have become my foundation and I too dont think I would be able to face a day without coming here to read and vent and of course to see that there are other women out there that give and gain strength from one another.

Ladies enjoy your weekend I'm hoping I will enjoy mine.

lostlovejack, I am glad that you have decided to go and see him. If you didnt, you wouldbe getting another 12 page letter telling you how you dont care about him. I think it takes string individuals to be doubted and criticized by the one person you are supporting and still decide to be there for him and so for him. I am sure he will be happy to see you. I am curious to know about his behavior toward you during the visit. Well anyway, good for you in deciding to go anyway.

My boyfriend has actually read the site, my postings and your messages back to me. Im kinda happy about that because it shows that there are women who actually are standing behind their men despite the length of time they will be apart. You ladies are really an inspiration.

This is weird, but often I don't think of Kenny and me as "being apart." Yes, we're physically separated, and the pain is real, but we HAD a life together, HAVE a life together, and WILL HAVE a life that's together.

Not that there's not some other man on the planet I could love who would love me. I'm not a fool like that.

Look, I went through 3 years of him out all night using drugs, wrecking motorcycles and cars, being marginally employed, being in debt, all the usual signs, and I loved him through all of that. When he would come home, I'd be ecstatic. Then he'd be gone again, and sheesh, the only reason I put up with it was because I love him.

If you're lucky enough to have children, you know you'd take a bullet for them, cover them if someone comes in blasting away with a shotgun. That's how I feel about Kenny. I love him so much, want to protect him. I just wish he felt the same way about himself. He needs and deserves protection. He deserves a good life with me.

Oh, shit, now I'm crying. Too early on a Saturday for getting all emotionally messed up. But you all know what I mean.

Yet, I must continue because I am not sure these guys understand how special it is when you love someone who's incarcerated and you're going to continue your relationship. Love just doesn't die because he's somewhere else. Sheesh, if he were dead, I'd still love him, but eventually, he will come home, and after all these years of sad times, we will have times of joy that will be indescribable.

TMI, I know, but....

Joyce

Hey Ladies,
Well I haven't been on in a couple days and wow things have been busy. My man had to come to county for court again and we had 11 days of 1.50 phone calls!!! We blew the phone up! I just don't understand though, why he wants to spend our few but precious moments fussing about things. I don't know how to prove to him that I'm going to hang tuff and be there. He's constantly worried that I'm going to find someone and leave him before this is over. It's been 2 and 1/2 years and I'm still here, why would I bail when we're down to 181 days and we definitely have an out date now? It just doesn't make sense. I write him every day and pay for two $10 phone calls a day and visit him every 14 days as I'm allowed and do everything as he asks... I spend most of my time with his family... what more can I do to prove it??? How do you convince your man that you'll stay? I think he knows in his heart, I think he just needs me to remind him... any thoughts? But for some reason I just can't stop the crying lately and even when I'm not actually crying I'm swallowing back lumps in my throat. Does it ever get any easier?
take care
christy

Hey ladies,

Boy, there sure has been alot going on lately. I read everyday but haven't been posting lately because life has just been doing on - actually quite well. It seems like a lot of you are going through a bunch of mess because of letters, phone calls, etc., from your men accusing you of stuff, etc. I just have to think - what would he do if you did leave? There isn't a darn thing he could do and it seems like they have so much control. Remember, YOU are the one in control in this situation - not him. When I allow David's incarceration to control my life too much, I get absolutely crazy. Basically, remember that these guys are lucky that they have us. We are busting our butts trying to keep things together and they have no right to put us down or question what we are doing. We are in this situation because of them. I don't think of myself as being all that strong for sticking with him. Sometimes I even think of it as being weak because I don't want to go through the pain of leaving him. But whatever it is, I have made my decision to stay, but he better darn well appreciate what I am doing. And he does. I don't mean to be preachy or anything, it just gets me upset to see these guys trying to control us from inside. If David has irrational thoughts about what I might be doing, that is his problem not mine - especially if I'm not doing anything. but David has already told me that there wasn't anything he could say if I did start seeing someone. he is locked up and there is not a darn thing he can do about what I do or don't do. Its not that we don't love each other - we love each other very much. Its just the reality of the situation.

Ceil

Thanks Ceil, I needed to hear that, I truly did. Sometimes I do drive myself crazy over this stuff. But you're absolutely right, I am absolutely remaining true to him and he just needs to hush about it, it's his problem that he can't stop his irrational thoughts. Quentin loves me and I love him dearly, but I can't take it when he gets in his moods, if he calls and I didn't pick up on the first ring or whatever... I really did need to hear that.. Thanks a million!! I'm going to have to just let him know, he has to shut up and trust me or move on... RIGHT? 180 days and counting...
Christy

hello ladies,
I just got a direct call from troy...yes you heard it! direct. the phones are messed ;up and allowing direct calls. they dont know yet, but I am sure they will figure this out when they see a line of men waiting for the phone and staying on it all day!!! I got an hour out of troy. it was wonderful, no time limit. wow. anyway, i let him know i have been angry and why. he understands but says every time he puts his emotions on paper that he cries and its not that good of a thing to cry everyday with 20 men in one room. so, i guess i ;understand. but he said he would try to write a little more and is sorry he didnt know. anyway any concerns I had about him are gone and feel like I am on cloud nine.
wait till he gets out! anyway, he did get a little sexually suggestive with me on the phone so I am not worried there either.
I was worried that he had taken our relationship back to a non physical one, matter of fact...
he is going to ask me to marry him the right way when he gets out. that is the condition for me to marry him;.) so, one sad girl a happier one today! thanks for being there.
julie

I'm glad that you had a good day Julie. I know the ups and downs of this miserable journey. I was thrilled with $1.50 calls from Quentin when he was in county for 11 days. He left Thursday and won't be allowed to make any calls for 30 days so I have some very sad days ahead. Some are easier than others. Thank God he's the king of love letters. He does so good. I get mail every day the mail runs. But I'll start to miss the sound of his voice real soon. Wish their phone system would mess up. I'm so sick of hearing that lady's voice, "You have one minute left for this call." I swear though anymore when the phone rings my heart skips a beat. But for the next 30 days, it will be false excitement. Julie, out of curiousity, how much longer do you have?... me 180 days and counting! But I'll tell ya, I'm real happy for you because I know exactly the doubts and concerns that can run through one's mind in this situation and I definitely know the relief of a good phone conversation... so congrats and remember this feeling when you might have another bad day... OK!! There has to be an end to all this madness!!
Christy

Hi Ladies,

Julie and Christy---Take advantage of the cheap calls if you can. Doug's calls to me are $19.19 for 15 minutes. FDOC has a contract with MCI and the get half the phone charges.

It has been a good few days off for me. Doug called this morning and I told him I was worked Memorial Day weekend and wouldn't be down until the weekend after. I could hear the disappointment but he understood. He knows if the time is there, I need to work it if I can.

I do have compassion when Doug hits the "stupid button". And you are right, they aren't in there with their friends. In fact many of Doug's "best friend's" haven't even contacted him since he went in. You know, the ones that wanted to tell us exactly how we should handle this whole situation. And I know it hurts Doug that they are no where to be found.

Doug's Mom, Step-Dad and sister drove up to see him yesterday. It was a great visit for all of them.

Hope all of you have a great week.
Suzanne

Hello Ladies,
Just thought I would update everyone. Went to see Daryl on Sat. When he walked into the visitation he looked over at me and tried his hardest to have that mean mad face which lasted about 30 seconds and turned into an ear to ear grin.
The visit was increditable. 8 months and I was finally able to get a hug. He said he didnt think I was coming and he wasnt told he had a visit until 3 minutes b/f he walked in. We laughed and joked around and really enjoyed each others company. We spoke briefly about his letter. He said he was jut getting to deep into his "feelings" and is just scared that I'll find someone to replace him since he's not home. I told him he should know better he's stuck w/me.
So all that scared nervous energy turned into a great day.

oh smiley smiles .... we're stuck together. NO MATTER WHAT. sad and sweet, those reunions, I hope you got the biggest and best hugs you ever hope to have.

I think it totally sucks to have our government keeping checks on our "lack of sex lives" but those CO's for the most part go home to an even colder environmnent than they have at the camp.

Kenny's in a fine place, headed to a better one, and we'll all be happy when he is free.

feeling good and empowered for some stupid reason................ ;)

joyce

joyce

i don't like my name that much! but "Joy to the world"

I'm glad that you got a great visit. I get a visit June 2nd. No hugs this time for me. Unfortunately for this last 6 months all visits will be behind glass. But I'll be okay, we had good long 6 hour contact visits until April, so I'll be all right. It will just make his welcome home all that much better.. Right??? June 2nd.. I can't wait!! Take care all and I'm praying for every one in our position!! Keep me in your prayers too all!!
Christy

Im also happy that your visit was so wonderful. Its great to see some happy times in your lives. Christy, I am also happy for you too because even though u can only see him behind glass, you know that he is down to his last 6 months. Now the countdown begins.

I have been reading the postings everyday but couldnt muster up enough energy to post anything myself. We are down to three weeks left and Joel will have to turn himself in. In one day I go through so many emotions its unbelievable and when I think I dont have another tear left in my body, I will cry until I fall asleep. Ive been angry at the system and Ive been angry at him ALOT. Then I am sad, devastated and just lost. Its been somewhat easier on me since he left the house and stays elsewhere. We dont see each other much or speak to each other but I pray all day everyday. I still feel so connected to him. I just wish all of this was behind us and we could live our lives without his freedom hanging over our heads. I shock myself everyday by getting up, going to work and living my life. I think that for me, it hurts even more because he is still out here. And though its a bad thing to say, I wish he were in because I sit here and have so much hope that something will happen in the next three weeks and he wont have to go in anymore but I know thats false hope. I know its inevitable. I rather him be in so that we can get into a routine like you ladies. Im so scared and I have never felt so lonely in my life. I wish I didnt love him like I do, I wish I wasnt so invested and attached, I wish I could just forget him but I cant. I love him so much. I could barely see this screen because I my eyes are so filled with tears that it all seems like a blur. I guess Ill stop here and cry myself to sleep yet another night. Thanks for letting me vent. Please keep us in your prayers.

Lorraine, Keep praying, God will give you strength. Quentin and I went 2 and 1/2 years not knowing how long he'd be there. It was worse than any punishment I could ever think of. As of two Thursdays ago, we finally have an "official out date" and we can now ride out our time and breathe for the first time in so long. I understand the hope for a miracle, I hoped for so long that some crazy technicality would bring him home. Just keep praying for strength. I'll pray for you. I can feel your pain... Christy

"I shock myself everyday by getting up, going to work and living my life."

Amen, Lorraine.

Just little old me getting up on time and doing the same old, same old.

Keep the faith, ladies.

Joyce

Lorraine,

I agree that the hardest time is waiting. I had one night with David before he turned himself in. I had bailed him out and there was another charge coming, so we actually had the first bail revoked. The bailbondsman didn't know what to think when I called him and told him that I wanted to revoke the bail and he was turning himself in. As hard as that day was, it was only a day. I don't think I could go for 4 weeks KNOWING what was coming up. In the past we had to wait 3 months for him to go to court and not know what was going to happen and that was horrible. If you are anything like me, you are doing most of your grieving now, so when the time comes you'll be fine. Maybe you can pretend he is already in, since you aren't seeing him anyway. It probably won't work, but this is one of those times that you (me, us, everyone) really understand the word powerlessness. There is absolutely nothing you can do to change the situation. Sometimes all we can do is get up and do the next right thing.

Ceil

Ceil, that's how I felt when Kenny was going in. Absolutely powerless. He was going to go, and frankly, I was thinking, the sooner he'd go in, the sooner he'd be home. And he wasn't exactly putting his affairs in order or trying to help me out of this mess, he was just out partying more. He needed to go. I hate to say that, but he needed to go.

And now he's gone. My days and nights just grind on.

We had about a month before he turned himself in, and it was worse than any month I've done since he's been in. He probably has a very different opinion, but drugs cause selective memory.

Thats how I have been thinking. I just say that he is in. But when he calls and when wemeet up occasionally, it all comes back and I get all sad agai because he is not in but will be soon enough. He goes in on June 12, 2006 and its crazy knowing that a month from now, we would have started our journey. I have been on the internet so much trying to find loopholes and other options but I know its not gunna change anything. Its hard for me to think that the sooner he goes in, the sooner he will be home but thats in 9 years and 9 months from now.

O hey, did anyone ever hear anything about one year in Federal Prison is only 10 months? I dunno, my boyfriend said he had heard something like that

For good time, Federal prisoners earn 15% off of their sentences. How long was he actually sentenced for?

ps ... the federal system is unlike any state system. I'm here to help in anyway I can. Do check out BOP.gov though. It's a lot of sugar-coated crap, but depending on where you're located, and whether he's been designated to a camp, or a medium, or a low, you might be able to figure out where he's going to go.

Joyce

Christy, you remind me of something funny with regard to phone calls. In the middle of every 15 minute call, the dweeb-o-maton comes on and says "this call is from a Federal Prison" and one of us always says "thanks for reminding me!"

Then there's a click with one minute left, then we're not done talking but the line goes dead.

When he was in Alexandria last summer (hell hole! long story!) the CO's used to get on the PA to announce this or that, and at the end they'd say "thank you for choosing Alexandria Detention Center for all of your incarceration needs."

It's funny, I must admit, but so sad and cruel. That place was bad, but it wasn't the worst place Kenny was at. The worst place Kenny was at he had a blanket and a foam mattress on the floor of some "hole" or "special housing unit" (since that was not his destination) and he told me he was in a dreamstate, thought he was at home, and thought one of our cats jumped on the bed, but it was a rat!

Maybe that wasn't the worst place, though. The worst was Redneck Regional Shithole, where he passed a kidney stone the size of a match head with no medical intervention whatsoever. oh, except a clean bed and an aspirin.

Give a guy a second chance, yo. This is all too cruel.

Joyce

Joyce,
Doug and I refer to the voice as my ex-husband's. LOL It's like Shut Up, Bill.LOL Yesterday, MCI put a block on my long distance until I pay them. They have been making me pre pay. And I refused to do it this month. They were estimating my bill. What really sucks is MCI is not my long distance carrier.

As for medical, Doug did something to his foot 2 weeks ago. After seeing the nurse 4 times (at a charge of 4 dollars a visit)and being on crutches, he was allowed to see the doctor. The doctor told him to take off his shoe and sock. He looked at it. Never touched it and told him to put them back on. He then as Doug was he allergic to Ibprophin and wrote him a prescription.

Doug tries to justify that they are short handed. But, when you find out that half the phone charges are going to the FDOC, it is really irritating.

I'm in a s#$% mood. Tonight is night three of 5 at work and I'm just working for MCI. And Doug can't call Sunday because I don't get paid until the 2nd.

Sometimes I wish we had never started the calls.
I can drive the 384 miles every other weekend, spend 6 hours with him, cheaper than I can pay all these phone charges.

Then a co worker told me, this morning, that I shouldn't have married Doug until his time was done. That p^&*!@ me off. Isn't it nice how everyone has an opinion.

Sorry ladies, it was my turn to vent, I guess.
Suzanne

Hey ladies..
I'm having a rough night. I can't sleep and I can't stop crying. The crazy thing is, I feel guilty for being this sad. It's almost over and for some reason this is harder than when this all began. Honestly I think it's because I had my heart set on judicial release and it didn't go through and now I know we have no other chances, he has to ride his time. And now he's in the hole and God only knows for how long and I can't talk to him on the phone, and I haven't gotten a letter from him in a week and that may not sound like a lot, but he writes every day, I keep USPS in business, I send him envelopes like they are going out of style... so my lack of letters means something is wrong and I have no way of knowing what... This is enough to put a woman in a mental institution... Indiana was so much better than Ohio.. I hate his Ohio time... I despise it! I'm praying for every one... Good night
Christy

Hi Ladies!

It's been a while since I posted but I just wanted to come by and read up on all the messages. This forum was so supportive and helpful to me when my relationship situation seemed to be going down the drain.

I wanted to say welcome to all the new members, I am sure that you will feel very supported and not as alone.. These ladies are great!

As for me, I have just been busy with work. I have been pulling agency and my supervisor seems to have a personality conflict with me, because she is not very nice. I don't understand...Sometimes I think I unknowingly offend people because I am so strong willed and don't really like to bite my tongue.

My relationship has been going okay. He is due to be out in June (he lucked out and got a few months and probation, Thank God!) but he may have to be in there a while longer because they have no place to discharge him too. I tried looking for a place but I have come to realize that they do background/credit checks here and this may pose a problem because of his record.

I'm also worried that he may end up going back if he does something stupid. I've seen a change with him since he started taking his medication, but I am still fearful and scared because I CAN'T go through another episode. This last one about sent me to the cuckoo's nest- literally. I also wonder what his job possibilities will be like because of the situation. I keep telling myself that I need to stop worrying because there isn't anything I can do about it, yet, I can't seem to stop. I guess I am looking to the future and although we will be together, I don't want to forever struggle either.

I hope all of you are having a wonderful week. My prayers are with you all. Blessings to all!

Well, I found out why I wasn't receiving letters. I finally got one today written on borrowed paper with a borrowed pencil. They wouldn't let him have his property back when he transferred. Again, they took everything. I've replaced his pictures and envelopes and paper three times now. They keep taking it from him and putting it in property. I swear when he gets out he's going to have a stock pile of envelopes and about 20 copies of his favorite pictures. So now he's down to just a pen that's out of ink and a borrowed pencil and everything that I have to resend. Three pictures, three envelopes at a time. Lord I pray that his lead doesn't break. He's in lock down, can't make phone calls, and no rec time. I swear I hate that place. Oh and he's freezing but not allowed to have commissary even though he has a ton of money on the books that I keep sending him. I'm about to have a break down over this crap... Pray he gets to his parent institution soon... so all of this craziness is behind us... 177 days and counting...
Christy

Christy, I know you can't see a bright side and it sucks when you think about how he must be suffering. The bright side is 177 days means he'll be home by Thanksgiving. That's a happy thought! Hang in there.

We've got 1885 more days. Even though we talk on the phone and visit every other week, and he's not being treated badly, the time is so long to be seperated. My heart aches.

Weird thing too: I get panic attacks in the afternoon at work. I'm a morning person, shot out of a cannon at dawn, ready to take on the day. But by 3:00, I'm ready for a nap and vulnerable to all my worries. Can I manage to keep my house? How am I going to make it on the $37 that I have until my June 2nd paycheck? What if my car breaks down? What if my job goes south? I just tremble and try to put it all out of my head, but I often end up in the ladies room having a good cry/pity party.

Prison sucks.

Joyce

Joyce, I totally know that no matter how bad I ever have it, I'm sure someone has it worse. And believe me I do the same thing about the worrying, only my worries come when I should be asleep and I haven't had good sleep in God knows how long. 1885 days is more than I can even comprehend. I am now putting you personally in my daily prayers. I hate being in this position and I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy. Even though at times I get down in the dumps, I do count my blessings. This could have been so much worse. Quentin caught so many breaks during all of this, but believe me, it was almost that my son would have grown up entirely never having a father around... Now his father will be here before his 3rd Christmas... Oh and I just got excellent news.. He's moving to a minimum level security facility, contact visits will resume once he moves and he'll have outside gate clearance to work... My prayers have been answered... and for those of you that prayed for me too... thanks so much... everyone here is on my prayer list too.

Christy, is Quentin a Federal inmate? If he is, let me know, because Kenny is too. If he's lucky enough to spend the last 4 or 5 months at a camp, he's going to have a pretty easy time and it will fly by. They'll put him to work Monday through Friday, you can visit on weekends, and before you know it, your ordeal will all be over. ;)

On a very, very encouraging note, I got word from Kenny's attorney that there is talk of one of his charges being dropped. I hate to get excited about the possibility of something like that happening, but it is a ray of hope.

Overall, I keep my head and realize it could very likely be another 5 years. I don't hold out hope for every possibility, but he HAS to take the Residential Drug Addiciton Program (RDAP) and the time off given for that is up to 12 months, but the average is 8. Some guys get none. The last six months he is supposed to go to a halfway house, so there's so many things up in the air, and it is hard to tell when he's coming home. I guess I tend to go with the worst case scenario, and if anything good happens, then we'll just feel lucky and happy.

Have a good weekend all. I have a visit tomorrow, and I'm really looking forward to it.

Joyce

I have had a "bad" week with my kids being sick, having to take off of work, and this we were taking our standardized state tests that my school HAS to pass. Everyday was a challenge. When I picked my 3-year old from daycare on tuesday, I had to talk to the administrator because my son has been hitting alot, including teachers. She told me their policy is 3 times and your out, but they will work with me. His teacher told me not to worry that they will work with me, but I was still upset. I was having a really good pity-party - I've been to the dr's 3 times this week for my kids and the drug store twice, etc.

Then I talked to my mother-in law. My husband's cousin is someone who I always looked at as having everything. She had a really good job as a nurse supervisor and her husband had a great job with a fortune 500 company for the last 25 years. They built a big house with 2 master suites, one for them and one for her parents. They have 3 kids - ages 8 - 16 - who are good kids. Well, about 4 months ago she had some heart problems and went into the hospital. They told her she would never be able to be a bedside nurse again because of the stress to her heart. That same week her husband lost his job. She wasn't responding very well to the medicine and they did some more tests and found that she has cancer in her brain and her lungs. She was receiving radiation treatment at her local hospital, but last weekend was taken back to Duke because she didn't know who anyone was. Now she has had some breathing problems and they wanted to put her on a respirator but were afraid that if they did she would never get off of it. So they have stopped all radiation and chemo treatments until they get this other situation taken care of. And to make matters worse, her brother committed suicide at the age of 18, and she was the only child remaining. so her mother is facing the prospect of losing not 1 child but 2. I am repeating this story to everyone I know because it really puts things into perspective. It is very possible that David's cousin will never come home and her children will be left without a mother. Her husband is still trying to find a job, because insurance is the big issue now. No matter what I am going through right now, I know Sandy would trade places with me in a heartbeat. 4 months ago their lives were going along, and now they are looking at losing a wife, mother and daughter. This stuff that I'm going through is NOTHING but an inconvenience. It really puts things in perspective.

Ceil

Ceil, You are so right. I try to put things in perspective and tell myself that things could be so much worst. But if they ever got worse, I think I would fall apart because this is taking its toll on me. Joel and I spent time together yesterday and it felt so good. We enjoyed each other's time and talked as if things were okay. He is scared and I am scared but his upcoming obstacle was not an issue yesterday. I was so happy to be in his arms, to fall asleep with his arms wrapped around me that I couldve exploded. Then ofcourse when it was all over, time to work, etc., I got sad all over again because who knows when I will see him again and if I do see him again, will it be painful since we are getting so close to the time when he has to go away. Man o man, I just dont want that day to ever come but its slowly creeping. But I will always think that things could be worse. Ceil, I feel for the family you spoke of. It seems that when things are going well, something just creeps up and throws us all for a damn loop. So unfair but its situations like these that make us stronger. I hope I can coem out of this stronger. Im still hoping and praying for a miracle. I just want to be able to move on like we have and go thru life with al the aggravations he offers. But I love him anway.

Hello Ladies,

Ceil, It's amazing how we think things are so bad for us then we hear a story like your families. I just received an e mail about "by taking one day at a time, we are writing our own books." All of us take things for granted at one time or another.

Lorraine, I did the same thing you are doing. Mourning a loss before it happened. It's an easy thing to do. Just take it one day at a time.

Doug isn't able to call home because of the block on my long distance. He calls his mom and she calls me. I know he is disappointed because the phone is off but it will take time for me to get things caught up. Just another day in "Prisondise".
Have a Great Memorial Day.
Suzanne

Ha, Prisondise.

you're a funny girl, Suzanne.

Ceil, sorry about your family, but any one of us is 2 shakes of a dog's tail from being up shit's creek. whether it's a matter of you made it that way (kenny did that for me!) or other stuff, you know it just creeps up on you, and you can't control it.

So much of this is being a victim of stuff we can't control, I think. I tried to make him NOT try to be a drug dealer, I tried to do this and that and he'd have never listened to me anyway. he couldn't even come home (edit).


he's a rockhead who might never listen to a decent piece of advice i have to give him....


he's always got a home with the BOP if he doesn't listen to me

But anyway we're both just missing one another, and kind of drifting apart in a way i can't quite describe.

We had a nice visit but it seemed oddly bittersweet. let's leave it at that.

Joyce


PS, he thinks he's got it together, but i don't think he gets it, so i'm not going to be here in 7 years crying about Kenny again ;)

Joyce,
Quentin is not a federal inmate and even though I was excited the other day, we got very discouraging news. The warden signed his papers and made him go to a different facility than where they classed him. He was classed to a going home facility but now he's going to a different place. The one I got excited about was only an hour away versus the three and a half to the one he is going to, and we are back to dealing with no contact for the next six months. I want to puke I'm so upset about it. I am really at an emotional breakdown point. I know compared to other situations ours may not seem so bleak, but I can't take the ups and downs of being given hope and then being let down. It's killing me.
Christy

All right, last night when I posted I must have been so tired that I missed a couple postings when I was reading through and didn't read the post about Ceil's family.
I've always known that no matter how bad things were for me, someone out there was going through worse. But I've held steadfast in my belief that God never gives us more than we can handle. Sometimes I think it's a close call ;). Anyways, prior to this ordeal and the issues that I've gone through with Quentin in the last 2 1/2 years, I was a party girl and not a very Religious person. However, since the birth of my son, Quentin's son, and the possibility of raising a son who would never have a father, I turned to the Lord. Oh I had always prayed, I prayed constantly even when I was a party girl. I prayed for money when I was broke, I prayed I didn't get arrested when I drove home drunked up, I prayed for all the wrong things. And all the while, if only I had realized that if I did the right thing, I wouldn't have to be faced with these kinds of situations I was praying my way out of.
I could sit here and blame Quentin for the life we've lived for the last two years. I could blame him for financially struggling, for being lonely, for dealing with pregnancy and birth and child rearing alone, all this pain and sorrow... but really even though he committed the crime, I had choices too, and I chose to fall in love with a drug dealer. I knew full well what he was when I met him and allowed myself to get to know him and fall in love with him.
But the reality that I've come to face with all of this, is it was in a plan, God's plan. Because without this, I may have never turned my life around. I've made so many positive changes in my life since Quentin's been away. And so has Quentin. I'm not just talking that he's turned to the Lord till he gains his freedom... he's not the same person I met and fell in love with two and a half years ago. He's grown up and I can tell... If I were to speak of him even a year ago, I wouldn't have said the same thing, because even after a year in prison, he still thought about coming home and just getting "one good flip."
I'm so elated with the changes I see in him. And every day that passes I fall more in love with him even when it doesn't feel possible to love him more.
But digressing, for everything that happens, there is a plan, and we have no rights to question God's plan. I will pray for Ceil's family because that's what they need the most. As a matter of fact that's what we all need.
I respect the diversity of all people, but I won't apologize because I'm a religious person and right now I'm hoping to comfort at least one person with this... I found this scripture on a day that I thought that maybe I should just give completely up...
Psalm 34:17-18
The Lord hears good people when they cry out to him, and he saves them for all their troubles.
The lord is clost to the brokenhearted, and he saves those whose spirits have been crushed.

I read that every day now, and have since I discovered it. My faith is the only thing that gets me through all the strifes of my life, not just this... but I do agree, this situation that I'm faced with is just a minor inconvenience compared to the struggles of Ceil's families and so many other families as well.
But this is the problem I know, and naturally I sometimes forget that things could be worse... I'm praying for Ceil's family and every one of us here.
Christy

Hi,ladies. I'm wishing you the best this weekend. I hope all is getting better for everyone. I'm feeling numb these days just going through the motions on some levels and trying to make life better on others. I get an ultrasound on Wednesday for that little tumor I have. It's going to be a regular part of my life I guess. I hope I can get the gas money to go to see my husband this month. Last visit cost me more than any other.
Keep strong.

Hi everyone...I just came across this site and am sittig here pretty much in awe. I'm not one for sharing much, but I believe I have found a place where I can sit back and draw strength and inspiration as I read some very real and compassionate posts. With what we are going through its important to know there are other people out there who know what its like to have a loved one incarcerated and deal with the everyday emotions, frustrations, and realities of loving someone many in the world think you should just throw away, not to mention the anger and frustration of dealing with DOC. God bless you all!

Myth,

welcome to the site. Sorry you have to be here.

Boy, I went to see a therapist today for help with my finances and boy, did he get me straight. He made me look at my part in my life, and not as a "poor woman with an incarcerated husband and 3 small kids." He even made me look at how I like to be the martyr and made me look at my own addictions. It was pretty cool. I didn't like what he had to say, but I was open to it. I can't wait to see what road this leads me.

Ceil

Man. It is refreshing and painful when someone calls us out on our behaviors isn't it? It takes some strength to be open to it. You go girl!
Well, I finally got the statistic I have been searcing for on my husband's odds of every being paroled. That is 5%. That isn't a good percentage but my former boyfriend who suffered the brain hemorage had a 5% survival rate and we talk every day for the past 11 years and both my kids were the .1% that birth control worns you about so 5% is better than nothing. I've decided to hire a real attorney, not the bonehead we had or the creep that robbed all those families asking for parole help, but a real one. How, you might ask when I am not making enough money? Well, I'm gonna freaking pull my head out of my broken butt and get a job anyway, not the little part-time temporoary style jail job but a real one that makes eatting daily an easy reality. I've been redoing my resume and putting it out on film websites and then I am also looking for jobs in higher education and hope that I can get back on a prosperous path. I can't let my health rob me of life.
I did get some good news. You old timers might remember over a year ago I was asked to speak at a convention on California and I was all excited about it but my car broke at the last minute and cost me 900.00 to fix and there was no way I could get there. I had my class all written out and ready to go and I was excited because I was finally being respected by people in the criminal justice field and then not making it around the time I also lost my house, the same week I think, anyway, It really hurt me and I turned my back on all that. Well, the other day someone called me from the same convention and asked me what they would have to do to get me there. This time I said transportation also. Lsst time I was just so excited I said I'd drive myself. If they actually do this it will mean a great deal to me because it will be like getting something I valued back. I'm doing a myspace for my husband so he can post his poetry and have a voice in the world. I'm at the collecting his information stage now. Take care,

hi everyone,
I am so glad i found you girls. My husband has been in jail for about two months. We were both drunk and fighting and he pushed me. I went into the door frame and called for an ambulance. If I knew now I would have never done that. The police charged him with malicious wounding. His preliminary in June 12. We have one child together and I have four from a previous marriage. I feel so alone. Everyone is assuming I am a abused wife and it's not like that. He has never laid his hands on me. He is a great father and husband. I do believe in my heart that the drinking needed to stop. I'm struggling with him being in there and I'm out here. The not knowing is killing me. Everyday seems to last so long. It's nice to know I'm not alone.
Joyce A

Toni, like you I'm in job search mode as well. I am a college student and have been living on student loans and pel grants for three years. For the first time in the three years I have been going, I was denied funding for this semester. So now at the last minute when I should be receiving my loans and grants to pay the bills, I'm left with nothing and I'm 7 days from disconnect on just about every utility there is, I have 30 days to come up with rent... So I've been out beating the pavement, mailing resumes to every ad in the paper even if I'm not qualified, and using every job search there is on the internet. I'll pray for you, keep me in your thoughts as well. oh and I assume you'll post the link to his site right once you've got it up so we can read his work?
Joyce, my fiance (son's father) and I spent 2 1/2 years of the "not knowing" it's a killer. Keep your hopes up and pray, the Lord will help you through this if you ask Him to.
Two days till visit... behind glass of course... but I sure do miss him so I guess it's better than nothing since he still doesn't have phone priveleges... I'm excited, yet completely nervous... Why do I get nervous every visit day? You'd think I'd be used to it by now... Oh well, at least the depression is off of me... I thought it was going to get the best of me... Well ladies, take care all of ya!
God Bless,
Christy

Joyce, welcome to the site. Boy, I sure know how drinking (and drugs on top of it) can mess up your life. Sorry you have to be here. Good luck on the 12th. Fingers crossed for you.

Toni, I like you sounding like you're grabbing the bull by the horns. You sound very hopeful and upbeat, and that tends to spread!

I get nervous and excited about visits still too. The behind-the-glass visits aren't that great, but they're better than nothing. Visiting at the camp is really nice, although I've heard that at some camps you can take walks, play checkers or cards, etc. We can pretty much just only sit there. But he's adorable, so I take what I can get.

We're having a little tiff right now because I happen to have a bunch of men friends, and one of them just got his motorcycle serviced and detailed and wants to take me for a quick spin after work one evening. He's all bent out of shape over nothing, but it's all about the powerlessness. I hate to think it would all be easier/better if he just didn't know, but then I feel like he's missing out. Maybe I'm stupid but I thought he'd want to live a little bit (kind of vicariously) through me and what I'm doing out here.

I can empathize with his fear and lack of ability to control ANYTHNG, but he shouldn't get all bent out of shape if I go on a motorcycle ride with a friend.

Hello Ladies,
Thought I would check in since it's been awile since I've posted. I have gone to see Daryl every weekend since he's been cleared. I even got to see him 2 days in a row b/c of the holiday. It's so crazy I couldnt wait to be able to touch him and now it seems like these visits go way to fast he only gets a little over an hour and then I'm back in my car driving home thinking about how good it felt to be able to hug and kiss him and then how much more it hurts b/c he's still not coming home with me. I never thought it would be so bitter sweet. I find it hard to turn and look back at him when the visit is over. I just keep looking ahead. I too get those nervous butterflies on my way down then I find myself crying on my way home.

At least things are sort of picking up. I have a good paying job, I get to touch him, I finally kicked my no good little bro (not the one that got hurt) out of my house he has until Aug 1st so that's less stress. I found out he stopped working and was dealing out OF MY HOUSE--HELL NO---so that's over with I can afford my house w/o him which he doesnt think I can--I just want him out. My best friend and her boyfriend still live w/me and we are splitting the bills 3 ways. So now I'll have 2 empty bedrooms--might rent one out just because--Daryl is doing alot better--he's been able to see and talk to more people in his family. It feels like a hugh weight has been lifted off of me and I know it can only get better. God has been blessing me in so many ways lately I'm truly thankful. I'm alive I'm healthy my man loves me now all I need is a release date and him home and live will be as normal as I think it can be.

Well tomorrow is visit day... Of course at the last minute I get a letter (we still don't have phone priveleges) he's mad at me and has told me not to come... But I'm going any way. The letter was written a week ago, I'm sure he's cooled off. I doubt he'd refuse the visit anyways. But, I'm upset because like Joyce it's all about the "powerlessness." They get so jealous don't they? Quentin was upset because somebody from the prison he left wrote him and I wrote him back to tell him I'd forward the letter and Quentin would get back to him as soon as possible. I thought I was doing a good deed keeping him connected, but apparently to Quentin, I'm now on the search for a new inmate... They must slip them crack from time to time... because he sure does talk crazy time and again... I'm going, and I'm going to act like the hateful letter hasn't arrived and then I'm going to move on with it... I explained myself in a return letter he'll get by Monday, after visit. But I had to go to the ends of this earth to come up with the funds and the babysitter to drive the two hours to visit him behind glass, he's not robbing me of the little bit I get. What do you think ladies? Am I making a wrong choice? Of course by the time ya'll respond it'll be too late cuz I have to leave by 6 am to get there at visiting time. It's just that I think he might have bitten off more than he can chew with his jealousy... I'm going to just see what happens... Pray for me, because I'm sure you could all imagine the seriousness of my disappointment if he refuses visit. Well Ya'll are in my prayers...
God Bless,
Christy

Well the day has finally come. Joel was supposed to turn himself in on June 12 so he decided to take a trip to Miami for Memorial Day Weekend. Well at the airport, he was arrested because they considered that trying to leave the state even though he had to report to do time. So they made him go in earlier. The wrose thing about it is that we were supposed to be together tday. I went to get my hair done and everything. Then I received a call from him saying that he had to turn himseelf in this morning. I didnt even know what to say. I held in the tears and broke down when we hung up. I dont have a land line so we wont be speaking. He cant call my cellphone. But his lawyer is trying to get him out for this last week so that he can go visit his son in Minnesota. I hope they let him. That way I can see him and say my goodbye or my see ya later. OMG this is the wirst thing Ive ever gone thru in my life. I hurt so badly and itsonly the beginning. We have ten years to go. What am I to do?

With eyes filled with tears,
Lorraine

Lorraine,

I also have just begun my journey through DOC hell. I remember that first day thinking this is the worst thing that has ever happened in our lives, and how are we ever going to get through it? I can only tell you, for me, I have to take it day by day. It's all I can do right now. Sometimes I feel so lonely and even inadequate. Theres so much to learn. I have so many questions and there seem to be so many rules. It has helped me to realize I am not alone. There are so many other people who have stood, and are standing, in these shoes. Some days I desperately need, and actively seek support from friends or wonderful forums like this one. Other days I just want to be left alone to grieve and wallow in my sadness. Everyday is a different and new day. I just wanted to let you know that although I could never know exactly how you feel, I do understand the pain. I care, and am thinking of you.


Myth

Myth,
Thanks so much for your words. I have been posting here ever since I foundout that his appeal hadbeen denied and he would have to start his 10 years in Federal Prison. I became encouarged through this site and new that I would really need it when the time actually came. I had no idea it would hit and hurt so hard. To hear his voice, he was calm and still in okay spirits but Im scared for him. Scared for us. I have so many thoughts in my head, so many emotions. I like to think of the positive. I will still continue to pray because I believe in miracles. I believe in GOD over man and if it is HIS will for JOel to do all, some or none of the time, then so be it. GOD can be it. I just ask that he help us get through this. Keep JOel breathing and able to communicate. Keep him where I can get to him. I dont know when I will see him again or when I will get my first letter. I just spoke to him yesterday as a free man and we made plans for today. I got all prettied up and I never got a chance to see him. my heart goes out to him and I find myself feeling the breeze through my window and wondering if he can feel the same breeze. I feel powerless and also inadequate. I just dont understand but Ill mak eit through. I would give anything for a "second chance" for him because I know he is a greatperson just did a stupid thing as a kid. I will never jugde him and hope that our relationship could strengthen just as you ladies' relationships have gotten stronger and maintains. Through you all I find strength, courage and hope. Please pray for us and ask GOD to help this confused 24 year old as she decides to start her journey with man HE put on this earth for her. Man o man I live him. He is just 23 years old. Please keep us in your thoughts.

I had my first visit alone, without the kids, in a year yesterday with my husband. It was wonderful.

Lorraine, I can honestly say that the worse part for me was the day the judge said my husband had to do 6 years. He had already been in jail for about 2 months and we knew he was going to do some time, but never in my wildest dream did we think it would be 6 years. It feels like a death sentence, but it also makes you realize if this is the man for you or not, or at least it did for me. When the judge gavehis sentence, I knew that I would wait for David. When my father died of cancer 8 years ago, his last 4 months alive made me realize how important he was to everyone, if that makes sense. It didn't matter how much money he had made, what mistakes he had made, or anything else, family and love is all that mattered. This is the same thing that happened to me when David got his sentence. I did get over that totally overwhelming grief from that first day. Some days are better than others. It has been a little over 2 years now, and looking back it seems to have gone fast, although I never felt that way during it. We will have over 4 years to go. But while in, he has finally written the book that he always wanted to write. And I am embarking on a business that will finally provide me and my family with financial freedom. We talked alot about it yesterday and I realized that this business opportunity would supplement my income during these last 4 years so I would be able to stop receiving financial help from my inlaws, plus provide the opportunity for my husband to stay home and write when he gets out. I have NEVER had goals in my life before. My goal was to get through each day. I now have goals and see positive changes in the future. Is everyday good. Absolutely not, but alot of days are good.

Lorraine, grieve for the lost that it is. But it is also a beginning now, because it is no longer 10 years, but 9 years and 364 days. Still along time, yes, but a day shorter than yesterday. Sometimes we have to grab on to whatever positives we can!

Ceil

Hi, ladies. It seems like tough times are going around. I'm sooo sorry. Keep strong. I am losing my grip on the "Horns of the Bull" I grabbed a few days ago. I'm working at staying uplifted. It is work some times.
I can't get Myspace to take the e-mail I created. I tried another and stil it says there is something wrong. He sent me all this stuff to post and I can't get it down. I had my daughter try also on her computer. I don't know what is going wrong. Perhaps the site is having problems. Anyway, if nothing else we can create strings for our husband right here on this site and post to it.
He wants so much to be a positive influence and his hands are tied. He has been feeling ill and I think it is the medication they give him for his back trouble. He must take it daily or be in horrible pain. I think after a couple of years it could effect his belly.
Okay gang. We can do this. One day at a time. If you doubt it...look at the other men around. My goodness. I know, at least for me, there is no comparison between my husband and the men I see on a daily basis out here. IF only second chances would happen for our loved ones inside. Everything in God's time. Right?

I guess it is true. I am one day closer to being with him again. His lawyer is trying to get him out again forthe last week so that he could see his son who lives outof state. If that is happens, he will be released tomorrow and I can finally look at him and give him the encouraging words that IO wish to give him face to face. If not, thats okay too because soon enough we will see each other and write each other. The only thing is that I do not have a landline phone so I cannot accept phones calls. Yesterday, he called his cousin colect and his cousin called me.

But ladies, now that he is in, how long do you think it will take before he is settled in a facility. He is gunan be Federal so I dont know if that makes things smoother or harder. How long should I expect to visit him? I just need a time frame to look forward to. I dont know the process of anything. I just wish I can get to the point where I can look back and say wow, the past 2 years have gone by quickly, the past 4 years have gone by. And hope that when we hit that two year and four year mark, we are stronger than ever. Its like I have so much to say to him and I cannot wait to write him and let him know everything that I feel... everything that I desire for us. I just dont know and since this is only day two, Im going crazy because all I can think about is that we will be home in 9 years and 363 days... right Ceil? :)

Toni, have u made a string here for your husband. That could definitely be a start. I am also interested in seeing his stuff. Keep working on it but post on this site in the meantime.

Keep praying ladies.

Lorraine, it might be a while until he gets settled into a Federal facitlity. Kenny was stuck in Alexandria, Virginia for a whole summer, then they started moving him around, further south, then up closer to home, and there was a 3 week period where I didn't know where he was and I didn't hear from him. I was beyond distraught. He was in custody from March of 2005, until August of the same year that he finally got settled in. Good luck, my thoughts and prayers are with you both.

Are you familiar with the inmate locator on the BOP website? That thing can make you absolutely crazy.

Email me! The Feds are not fun to deal with.

Ceil, your recent posts sound like you've found a bit of peace, and that makes me feel at ease. Yep, when today is done, we're all one day closer to these boys coming home.

Myth, you hang in there, girl.

Christy, how'd your visit go??

I was just thinking... what would these men do if they did not have a strong woman dedicated to them during their time in prison? I mean, I am sure that they know fellow prisoners who may not have the love and support from someone on the outside. It is hard for me to imagine these men incarcerated but I could not imagine someone behind bars for a long period of time with out someone outside helping them maintain. I read somewhere that the long men are in jail, even close family members forget about them. I think that it is phenomenal that you women have been so dedicated to your men and I truly hope that your men appreciate who you are and the sacrifices that you all have made for them. Sometimes I think tha there is no way I can make it. But when I get those thoughts, I just read this site and your postings even if I dont post myself. It is really uplifting and it seems that no one recognizes the women we are. We are looked at as weak to many people but I think that we (and I include myself in this) are very strong. You can all turn your backs at any time but you havent. You believe in the gud and the bad, the hard timesand the rough time and you believe in love and supposrt. I just hope that if any of us encounter something so devastating in our lives where we NEED the love and support from others, we get it. Be that from friends, family or the men that say they love us. All I know is that I am preparing myself for the long journey ahead but I hope that Joel's love remains strong for me and he helps me help him. Even though he is away in prison, I truly hope that he makes me feel the appreciation and the love and recognizes my sacrifices for him. I still expect great things from him and I hope that he uses this time to work on himself most importantly and continue to help me keep our love strong. I am so fearful of all the ups and downs we will encounter. I read your posts and I know that I have many ups and downs ahead of me. Ill just keep praying on it becausein my heart, I love him- poor, rich, free, incarcerated and I have never experienced love like this. I will keep praying.

Post and Pray ladies.... ;)

From what David has told me, I think the men either deal with having a support or they don't. There is no inbetween if they are going to keep sane. We had this conversation last week about me leaving him. He told me if I was, that he would just let me go. I asked him if he wouldn't fight for me and he said he was in no position to fight for me and he had seen too many men go crazy about women leaving them. He would just have to let it go. The guy who is painting my house said the same thing. He hadn't seen his kids in years because his wife wouldn't let him when he was locked up, so he just had to let it all go or he would go insane.

Talk to you later.

Ceil

Wow, I meanthat is god for them but what about me. NOt to sound selfish or anything but I want to have that effect. If I ask what wud u do if I leave, I wanna hear that you would go insane, that you couldnt go one, that I am worth a fight. Yes, they are in no position to fight but I wanna know that I have the effect and also know in my heart that I wouldnt leave you, that I wouldnt allow you to go insane. Damn, what do we get out of all this. Really.. what?

They let Joel out today for his last week so that he could go to see his son in Minnesota. His flight is at 6am. He called me and wanted to see me but I had taken one of my kids (Im a social worker) to the hospital and I knew I would be there for a while. I wanted to see him badly. I asked him if he planned on staying the nnight with me and going to the airport from there. He told me know because it would be too inconvenient going to the airport from my house. At that point, I got upset and said to hell with it. I guess I wont see u then because I am not going to rush from where I am and jump through hoopps just to see you for a few minutres. I told him to continue doing what he is doing and hopefully Ill see him when he gets back. He said that I didnt care, but frankly I am tired already and we havent even begun out time.

For me, because he is in and I started my mourning and then they let him out and I was happy again. Now I have to start my mourning all over again when he goes in on Monday for good. Im telling you. I just dont know how I am going to manage. Something in me just wants to give it all up. Why bother?

Kenny did some similar stuff before self-surrenduring, and it broke my heart. He went missing for a couple of days, and I was beside myself with worry, and pissed off that he didn't want to be with me much before he went in.

I've forgiven him though ;)

It was probably some weird defense mechanism on his part. Or maybe the "stupid button."

Its that damn "stupid button" again. I feel a lil bad now because I spoke to Joel and he is worried that this is me turning my back on him. Its not that. I am just tired of the up and down. I am now accepting our fate and future and I just want to start it to get it over with. I am viewing it as another step in our relationship. Another life and learning experience. Another way of getting to know each other better. I am just so tired at this point and sorta wishing he was in. The fatsre he goes in for good, the faster we can build on us, he can make him a better person and we can just survive. Its wearing on us bad right now. And I try not to tell him how bad I feel and all that because ofcourse he has it worst. He did tell me to stop caring (stupid button) and I said okay and hung up the phone. He called back immediately and apologized and said that he needs me. I think he is scared that I will turn my back on him because he didnt leave me when things were perfect. There were many things he needed to work on to make our relationship better but he will not have the chance at the moment. You ladies have told me that things will get better but they will get worst and if it gets worst than this, I just may not make it. Please keep sharing with me, keep telling me your stories. I feel like I am falling, sweaty, and out of breath with nothing left to give. I need this site to carry me for a lil bit until I can catch my breath, wipe the sweat and continue forward.

Lorraine

Hey Ladies,
It's been some days since I've been on. Thanks for asking about the visit Joyce... I'm about to unload about it right now... It was very bittersweet, very emotional, and somewhat relieving to at least see him. First let me tell you this... I hated the "behind the glass" visit, especially since we were in a room where everyone else enjoyed contact visits...We looked like caged monkeys... him more than me obviously... Then I noticed immediately that he's dropped about 20 pounds since he came back to the reception center from court. He looks gaunt and sickly... They lie there, they've told me he has a Bible... he doesn't, they tell me he has access to commissary, he doesn't... He's being treated like an animal. I'm so angry I could spit nails... But to top it all off, right before visit he decides to pick a fight. He told me not to bother coming... of course I didn't listen, I went. I wasn't allowing his emotional distress rob me of the one thing that was going to keep me sane through all of this. He spent the first hour of our visit basically tearing me down emotionally... I just sat there and took it in stride because I knew that it wasn't my man talking... the place has finally starting breaking him down. That place sucks... he's been classed though so he should get to his parent institution soon. I hope... I pray... The visit finally got better, and it turned out okay. There were several blessings of the day... We weren't limited to only the four hours per the rules... they let me stay the entire day. They weren't going to let him eat but I talked them into a sack lunch.. he couldn't enjoy the vending machines like the other inmates but it beat going hungry. I am so glad I went to see him. But on a more solemn note, I'm doing a favor for my friend who has just been released from prison but is doing 6 months work release and this is hard for me because truthfully I'm so jealous, I'd kill if this were my fiance...But on the brighter side... next week is another month down... Just a week over 5 months of this long stretch to go... there is light at the end of the tunnel ladies... Ceil, I really enjoyed your perspective and I'm so glad that there is some positive things going on for you. Lorraine, you are right, we are all strong for supporting these men, and though sometimes it may not seem like it, they do appreciate it. And no matter what the future holds for all of our relationships, we will learn and grow from this experience.
Well, God bless everyone!! Everyone is in my prayers daily.
Christy

Christy,

your note about how you "hated the "behind the glass" visit, especially since we were in a room where everyone else enjoyed contact visits...We looked like caged monkeys... him more than me obviously... "

Christy, that had me howling out loud, sorry for your pain, but I appreciate your keen observances of stuff.

And you even "talked them into a sack lunch." Quite the negotiator! you are cracking me up!

I'm a little tired and bored and sick of being alone, but on a bright note, I took my son to a dr's appt this afternoon, and he's 14 (very painful age for a male human being) and he was cordial, funny, engaging, kind, nice, and respectful. We managed to talk about school and his older sister learning how to drive, and even looking at pornography on the internet, and he kept saying how "mom, this is so awkward!" but I kept saying that it might look fun and interesting, but there is one main drawback: when you find a girl you love, and you get intimate, she's not going to be like or do anything like the chicks on the porn sites. it's kind of like thinking about mountain climbing, then watching people climb Mount Everest, then you get to go hiking up the little hill near your house. Yawn.

I flat out told him that it definitely has the possibility of souring him on sex for his whole life. I don't want to turn this forum into an argument for or against pornography, but even the most liberal of us (like me) can grok how it might spoil a 14 year old boy's lust for just plain sex.

I know i'm off topic, but I just need to vent. It's one thing to have a man in the can, add to that a disabled ex- and 2 teenagers. UNCLE!!!!

on a bright note, my 16 year old daughter thinks she really CAN tell the difference between the accelerator and the brake.

lemme tell you ladies, i pray A LOT.

joyce

Hi Girls,

I see our online community is growing. Welcome to Prisondise. It's tough being here, but we all know we are not alone.

Good news everyone, MCI dropped the rate for the calls from Florida from $19.19 to less that $5.00 a call. I think the FCC finally caught up with the rip off.

I got to see Doug this weekend. It was a very good visit. The only "hitch" was they forgot to send for Doug on Sunday morning. He was worried then irritated. He thought I could have had a wreck, car trouble, then decided I had slept in. When He came to the visiting area, He said "I see how it is, you drive all night from Tennessee and can get here at 8:00a. But, you don't get here until 9:00a when you are only 15 minutes away." I had been there since 8:00a. Doug had been sick on Friday night and had been taken to medical. I thought he was back in medical and they just weren't telling me. The tears were there because I was so worried. When he said what he did to me, they flowed like a waterfall as I told him I had been there since 8:00a. He took me in his arms and babied me and told me it was okay. The officers never said a word about him holding me for more that a Quick hug. They also never admitted it was their mistake. Alls well that ends well.

This was the first time I had visited two days in a row. We talked last night and this visit was a lot more comforting that the one day visits. The drive home was lots better for me too.

Toni and Ceil.....Both of you have read my mind. Doug is the first person I have ever seen myself growing old with. And all of this is just a bump and/or pothole in the road God has for us to follow. In fact while I was at the hotel, Saturday night, I wrote Doug a letter saying lots of things I feel I had never said. One of which was a thank you for making me his wife.

Have a Great week.
Suzanne

I have to blow off steam because my ex- can be such a shithead sometimes. He's disabled (failed back syndrome, 8 or 9 back operations, each one with a worse outcome than the last). And he has quite literally been laying on the floor for the last 12 years. He gets around a bit in an electric wheelchair and a wheelchair accessible van, but he cannot walk at all. And he's in chronic pain, and he's probably gained 200 pounds since I knew him back in high school. It's pathetic. He's got a morphine pump and more medication than I could ever hope to keep track of.

So he calls me at work basically to give me a bag of shit about letting Kenny live with me those last couple of years before he got into trouble. If I hear the term "DRUG DEALER" used in that same sneering tone again, my head is going to pop off. What a dickhead.

I understand his pain, but it's possible that he could be a malingering jerk off and actually be enjoying himself, although I don't think that's the case. So he's got nothing else to do but call me and try to ruin my day by telling me what a bad mother I am and how could I let a "DRUG DEALER" live with our children?

He's going to be a pain in my ass my whole life. God, I don't think I deserve all this bullshit. I definitely should have picked another guy to have kids with. I almost typed "sperm donor" but that wasn't the case.

It's all enough to make me just want to swear off of men. How can they all be such jerks so often??????????????

Joyce

PS ... I'm not even PMSing!!

After a long search I finally found a support forum. My husband is in for 6 months. I should be grateful I know. (He could have gotten 6 to 10 yrs. in prison) It just hurts knowing that I'm going to be deliverying my baby alone. I see him on Sat. and Sun. Now for 2 hrs. Which is great, but that's if the weather permitts it. I miss him so much. We got married last Jan. and he went in on May 18th. He's not coming out till Nov. 24. He's so afraid that I'm going to leave him, and I don't know how to calm his anxieties. I really just came here for support from women that actually know what I'm going through.

Welcome to the site, Jenipher, sorry you have to be here. When are you due?

You've found a good place for support and a group of women who really care about one another.

You know how fast summer comes and goes, then the leaves will change, and before you know it, he'll be home. Kenny's been in for 14 months, and sometimes it seems like yesterday that he went in.

Visiting really helps, and I find it easiest to count weeks instead of days. A week flies by, you've got 26 of them, so while I'm sorry you'll be starting your family without your man there, your 26 weeks will fly by. Hang in there, you can do it!!

Hi....My fiance has been sitting in County Jail for 4 months now and he had his revocation hearing today. Insted of giving him an actual prison sentence they gave him an ATR of 9-12 months in the M.I.C.A program at the oshkosh correctional facility I guess thats better than getting revoked for 6 years wich was what he was facing. BUT- i have absolutly No idea what kind of arrangment this is and how visiting works does anyone have any information about this program? All i know is that M.I.C.A stands for Mental Illness Chemical Awarness. I'd appreciate any feedback from anyone, i really had my hopes up that he would be released either today or within the next few weeks only to find out it will be at least 9 more months...How do you guys do it for years and years??? You are so much stronger than i could ever be!! I fell like my world just completly fell apart!!

I'm due Nov. 9th. your right if you look at it. it's just 26 weeks. That makes it so much better. Joyce, when does Kenny get out. How long do they have them there?

-Jen

Jenipher... I can totally relate to your story. I have a son who is now going to be 2 in July. Well my fiance (we didn't even make it to our wedding before he got locked up) went to jail when I was only about three months pregnant. I went through the majority of my pregnancy alone, the first birthday and now soon to be the second. I know it's tough but Joyce is right. This will all be over before you know it. My man gets out November 17th, so I am right with you... but when I think of what's behind us... it seems like nothing. We're down to days practically. My best friend supported me through labor and I'll bet you'll find that you'll have at least one person step up and really support you in this situation and probably bring you closer than ever before... Keep your chin up... nothing can stop time from passing. And Angel... I bet if you were to take a survey amongst everyone here... namely those of us who have been waiting years, you'll find out that not a one of us thought we were strong enough either... but love makes us do things we never thought we could or would. Sometimes you find strength when you really didn't think there was any to be had. But yes... definitely, when the reality sinks in, your world does feel crumbled... and not to depress you, but it may even feel worse before it gets better... but time will pass... 9 months beats the 6 years you could have been dealing with... count your blessings, that will help you remain positive.
Joyce,
I have the similar ex hex... "drug dealer" rings as a dirty word in my ears as well. I give up caring what my ex says... It's his judgmental and hateful demeanor that caused me to divorce him in the first place.
Well, I wanted to tell you all that things seem to be looking up for me. I finally got a job for the summer so that I can support myself until school starts again. And it will especially get me out of the house so I can stop obsessing about the "horrible" conditions that Quentin is going through right now. I got a letter today, his mail is moving slow in this direction. It was still a bit on the nasty side but this was "pre-visit" so I'm hoping that I'll get possibly an apology letter soon from after visit. At least he managed to let me know that even though I made him furious (unjustifiably so) he still loves me. WEll HOpe every one has good fortune and everyone is in my prayers..
Christy

Ladies...I just want to tell everyone that you are in my thoughts and prayers every single day though I "lurk" here more than anything else...I guess I need a moment to vent to someone...anyone...who will hear...and understand. I haven't seen or spoken with my husband in over two months. He is in min security, but on his first day in the yard ended up PC, complete lockdown, no visitors, no calls, and all for something someone else wants to do to him. He is treated like an animal, and I have even heard some people call people like him a "wuss". From his letters I am beginning to see what this kind of treatment can do to a good man's soul. He is definitely losing his faith and it breaks my heart. I feel there is nothing I can do. They lied to me as well, he DOES NOT have a Bible. He does not regularly receive the letters I write every day and begins to think I am starting to abandon him as well. They say he is not being punished, but he cannot participate in any programs to speed his time and cannot even take a shower without handcuffs and shackles. He is medical, with failed back syndrome, not quite as severe as your x's Joyce, thank the Lord, and certainly in better spirits about it, but he has had five back surgeries and does endure a lot of pain as he gets around. In PC he doesn't even receive treatment or medication. I find now my faith is being tested as well. I do not understand why when they say family is important, they send our men as far away from us as they possibly can, then find every excuse to deny us contact. It all seems so inhumane, but as they told me, "Where do you think he is, the Hilton?" I don't think his case manager could be any more callous. I feel my spirit darken, and my faith fail as I watch him deteriorate mind, body, and spirit through his letters. How much longer can we endure this? I don't know, but I'm still taking it day by day. Thank you so much for this forum and for being here day in and day out so that those of us desperately needing contact with people who "know" and care, can find some comfort and release some pain. God bless you all. Thanks for letting me vent this time.

Myth

I just wanted to say venting to you ladies was good luck for me.. :) My hubby got moved today! I don't know where yet, and that will drive me nuts, but at least I know he is out of that place! Maybe he can call now...and we can visit. I can't wait...keeping you all in my thoughts and prayers...

Myth

just on a side note...I heard from my son today....who is over in Iraq...he'll be coming home for a two week visit in August. They say it gets darkest before the dawn...I hope this is my dawn!

Myth

That's great to hear Myth. I'm happy for you. I'm going to pray that you see him ASAP! Hope all is well. Talk to you guys soon.

~Jen

Myth, is he a Federal prisoner in Prisondise?(LOL, Suzanne, we have to keep our spirits up!)

If he is you can track his movements on the inmate locator on BOP.gov, which is this useful tool that has become a weird obsession of mine.

There are about 15 Steven Walkers in the fed system, most of whom are home now, but I was tracking all of them because 2 just came home in the last month, and one is due home like on the 15th or something. My favorite was Stevie Ray Walker....he just got out in late May and he's a pup in his mid-20's. Just have to hope that 65% boomerang rate comes down.

which reminds me that if kenny gets in trouble again, i just HAVE to walk away from this. i'm not married to him, even though we've been together for 9 years, 3 of which have been hell on earth, but if he disappoints me again, i have to find a nice man my own age who likes good food, good sex, good life, good woman, goodness, period.

he's getting a second chance with me, but not a third.

sometimes i see myself posting here in 15 years about kenny again and all this anguish. how pathetic is that?

Myth, don't just lurk, post more, you're insightful and i like to read what you wrote!

joyce

Holy Crap joyce. How long has he been in for?

~Jen

Kenny's been in for 14 months, with 60 to go. Sure hope we both learn a few lessons in these years to come.

Joyce

Myth,
Boy do I know what you are going through. My man is PC also. He gets treated like an animal as well. Though he gets my letters regularly, they won't mail his to me. I can tell by the dates that he's writing everyday but they are holding them before they send. I also know what kind of liars they are. I'm so glad you have good news and your man has been moved because I know how broken my man's spirit has been and he's started to turn on me even. As you read when it was time for visit. Quentin got news that he's been classed but not moved yet. And Quentin is not federal but I can track him daily too. Just go to your states department of corrections website and you'll see an inmate locator. WE've dealt with three states and all three updated their site daily and I was able to keep track of Quentin. But you can start calling facilities. I did once when I couldn't figure out that he'd already gone to the reception center from county. I called every institution in the state till I found him. The Ohio, Indian, and Kentucky department of corrections are going to get super tired of me and either arrest me or let him go just to get me off their backs before this is all over ;) But we're in a countdown any day now and this PC bull crap will end and he'll be in his parent institution and the limited rights he gets will be returned. BUt I'm not too fond of what one of the wardens had to say to you about your man... he may not be at the Hilton, and he may be a felon, but he's still a human being with feelings. And it's a prisoner's right to have a Bible. After Quentin is out of CRC, I'm writing the governor about the horrible treatment there and the lies they tell family. It probably won't matter, but I want a voice. I want him to have a voice and to be heard.
Joyce, I feel like you do about Kenny... no more chances... get it right this time, or I'm out.. I feel like it has to be that way. This has been the most emotional and most difficult thing I've been through in my 31 years of life and I've been in some pretty tough situations. I can't decide to put myself through this again, so if he decides to screw up, he's on his own... well he's without me and his family... It's harsh, but it's reality. I love him from the depths of my soul... I've been married before and I've been in and out of relationships, but I've never loved anyone like I love him, that's what keeps me here now, but I'll have to let all that go and swallow the pain... so if you see me here in 15 years, it will be to support those that are going through what I'm going through now... not because I've allowed myself this torment ever again.
well, everybody have a great weekend
God Bless
Christy

Nice post, Christy. Thanks.

But what is PC and CRC?

You girls who have men in State have a whole other situation than me and Kenny with the Feds.

Joyce

Everybody here is just soooooooo amazing i'm sooooooooo glad i have found such a woderful website to cling on to for the next 9-12 months. I cant even remember how i stumbled across this site but by the grace of God i did. I just love reading about everyone elses strength it makes me feel a lot better about my situation and gives me the strength i need to get through this. It's definatly not easy and it's hard to find people who understand and dont think your completly nuts for going through this! Most people think it would be much easier to forget about them (our men) and to just move on, but honestly do these people know what LOVE really is or maybe they have just never experienced the real deal before but i could NEVER just give up and call it quits espically when the person that i love is going through the hell that they are going through on a daily basis...That seems so selfish to me how could you just give up and throw every thing away so easily??? I guess my man is right when he told me there are only certin kinds of people that can handle a situation like either they are TRUELY in love or they really love God. Maybe our men are our blessings in disguise....Anyhow it's week 1 of my 9 months and all i seem to wanna do is write and write and write...In my journal, letters to my man and anywear else i can and i am so thankful to have found a place like this to be able to do that...God bless you all!!

CRC is Correctional Reception Center... it's where all inmates go to be "classed" and sent to their parent institutions... it's called other things in other states... that just happens to be what Ohio calls it. PC is protective custody... or security control... people are in PC for various reasons... either they pose a threat or they are threatened by other inmates... Joyce, my man was in fed for the first year of his run... but now is serving state time... I've been through both scenarios... none of it is pleasant..
Angel, you keep writing.. I have prayer journals.. personal journals... letters to my man... I even picked up a few other pen pals from prison to help make their time easier... it's so therapeutic for me... You keep on.. and I know what you mean about everyone thinking you're nuts for sticking this out... but love makes us do crazy things, eh? Well God bless all of us...
Christy

Helloooooooo Sisterhood,

Welcome Christy, Angel, Jen and Myth. I'm sorry you have to be here with us in prisondise. But, God has graced us with a place to vent and make new friends.

Joyce....I have the ex-husband from Hell. He knows the whole situation with Doug's daughter but has tunnel vision that Doug is guilty no matter what. My son loves Doug but his Dad has bad mouthed Doug so much that he is afraid to even answer the phone when Doug calls. Hang in there. It's no easier hearing the ex call your man a "drug dealer" than mine calling Doug a "child molester." My ex was abusive verbally and physically. I don't think he ever loved me. With Doug, I have never felt so loved and adored. And I have never seen myself groing old with anyone until Doug.

I agree that counting the months is better than the days. With gaintime, we are under 3 years. WOOHOO!!!!!

Maureen...how are things with you? Did Michael have surgery?

Lorraine...How did things turn out with you?

Hang in there and Pray.
Suzanne

Suzanne, it would be so much easier if my ex- was even half-assed supportive of me during this ordeal, but he has chosen to be confrontational and basically a dickhead about it.

While I understand and feel like a bad mother for putting Kenny before my own children, Kenny is a good and talented person who made a mistake and shouldn't have to be deprived of family and friends for years and years. That's why I brought "a surprise" with me today when I went to see him. His old, old friend David (they met where we worked 10 years ago and have a great deal in common, not the least of which is being short little blonde welders...) and when I saw him up the hall waiting for me and he saw David, he started cracking up and I was so tickled. It was the best thing that's happened all year for Kenny, I know. They talked for 3 hours while I kind of snoozed and watched the freakshow in the visiting room, and we all had a real good time.

"Child molester." "Drug dealer." "Tax evader." I don't know what all of your men's supposedly did or didn't do, but that's just nasty name calling if you ask me. People can be such jerks.

But I'm not going to let anything get me down. I'm grateful today that I got to see and hold and kiss my Kenny, and I have a nice little house and 2 great kids and a chicken in the oven, and I'm so happy to have Kenny alive and healthy and we're both looking forward to being reunited even if it is another 4 or 5 years.

Those 4 or 5 years are years of LIVING, and even though we are seperated, we're still breathing, still having a good, solid relationship, and right now I'm just so happy to have seen him and to know that he is well and safe.

It's an "UP" day and I want to share the vibe.

Thanks, sisters!!

Joyce

Joyce,
I absolutely appreciate you sharing your good spirits... I certainly smiled knowing that you are in an "up" day. I am kind of middle of the road today. I've not allowed our nasty weather to get to me. I know that soon Quentin will be in a better place where he will have some priveleges and his mood will be lifted as well. I'll be able to enjoy long contact visits (well at least that's where it stands now..it keeps changing from moment to moment..) but we're finally in the final countdown and the world doesn't seem as gloomy anymore. I know that there might be hard times ahead, but knowing that the man of my dreams loves me is all I need for now!
God bless everyone
Christy

Today i got up at like 6am just to get to the Jail by 7am just to get a 15 minute visit at 8am and when i got there they are gonna tell me that because of overcrowding they have changed the visiting policy and insted of having orginized visits by the inmates last name it was now on a first come first serve basis and i was pretty much "shit out of luck so to say"....I was furious!! and this was probably our only chance to have one last visit before he is transported to prison. By the way he is going to Oshkosh WI correctional institution is there anyone here dealing with Wisconsin Prisons?? This is the first time for all of this so i'm still pretty much "DUMB" about everything. But I sure hope that once he's out of County Jail the visits will be longer and maybe i can at least get a hug or something, even tho the drive is gonna be a much longer one but hey.....I'm really not doing to much anyhow so i'll just look at it like my little vacation every few weeks or so. I just cant wait to finally be able to actually start the countdown it seems like we've spent so much time just sitting back waiting and wondering it will finally be nice to have an EXACT release date..Anyhow the weather here sucks and that makes for a really long depressing day i think i'm gonna take a nap....Bye 4 now

Angel, keep your chin up... in all of my dealings in the last 2 1/2 years through about 6 different county jails and 4 different prisons... prison visits beat the heck out of county jail visits. Usually they are longer and are contact and you have a much more relaxed atmostsphere... Now of course I haven't dealt with Wisconsin... just Ohio, Indiana and Kentucky... but I bet they are all pretty similar. But you can make calls to the institutions and ask about visiting policies and procedures. I'm sure you'll get uplifting news. But our day was depressing as wel, very nasty and rainy. That's why I forced myself into having a girlfriend over so that I could keep my spirits high. I'm always a rainy day away from a mental breakdown. Well everyone is in my thoughts and prayers... Christy

Thank you christy for all your wonderful advice and support i really appreciate it and Thank you Joyce for the links that you e-mailed me,your right that site is HUGE and probably will take me till my man is out to completly figure it out but hey...it's something to pass the time away, God knows i need as many things as possible to do!! My man called today and i dont know if you guys go through this but now that he knows that he will be going away for 1-2 years it's like all of a sudden he has NO faith in me what so ever. He's convinced that i'm not gonna be strong enuf and today he even asked me if he should just break if off with me just to make my life easier. God i wish he could just realize how much i love him and how serious i am about sticking this out with him, But i guess time will only be able to prove that to him. And as much as this does suck i kinda look at this like Gods way of strengthening our relationship We've been together for 9 years and let me tell you it hasnt always been pretty i hope now that were both grown and mature we can use this time to better our relationship and learn to love more completly.. He cant look at things that way now cuz he's going through so much and i try to understand his situation and the pain that he must be going through as well.......Everything is just so overwhelming! He's just having a bad day today and you all know how that goes....His bad day becomes your bad day to!!!! It's ok I love him and nothing is gonna make that change!!! No amount of time is gonna make that change!!! Bye 4 now

Okay, ya'll can tell I'm bored as all get out this weekend because I've posted so much... but anyhow... Angel, after 2 1/2 years I still get the "you're not gonna be strong enough to get through this" speeches from time to time. Sometimes I think to myself, "Lord have mercy, have I not proven myself yet?" I'd be interested in knowing how many others of us here experience the same with their men. Our men go through a lot and I know it's hard for them to think of us being free and having choices to "cheat" and do things they'd rather we didn't, and for the most part I remain understanding with Quentin and I told him a long time ago that I'd tell him everyday that I'm only for him if I had to, but sometimes, I have to put him back in check... Ya'll know the old saying about opinions... but mine is that you should remain as supportive as you can, but don't let him make you miserable with his insecurities... there's only so much we can do to let them know we will remain by their side... do that much and if it isn't enough, he'll just have to wait to see who's still standing in the end! But I totally know what you meant when you said "his bad day becomes your bad day too!!" How true that is! And heaven help the days that both of you are in a bad way... But I have grown to realize that we cycle in ups and downs... This is totally not an easy thing for any of us, but we do what we feel we have to for love and happiness... but sometimes I really can't help but wonder if this has just become a challenge for me to prove I can survive this!
Who knows?
God bless
Christy

Oh, Christy, this is definitely a battle to show everyone who doubts me and Kenny that we can make it through this. We'll be married and happy at some point in the future, and all the people who abandoned us and told me to leave him can suck eggs.

You're a funny girl, because I, too, and just one rainy day away from a complete breakdown ;)

Joyce

Do you all ever feel really disconnected from your husband, that you are all alone, fighting the battles that the two of you would in "normal life" and start to feel that it's too much and that you should just end it??? And then, you see him and fall in love all over again?? I can't understand my own feelings....I feel that I'm doing everything to struggle through things, and then I want to give up, everything, my marriage, my kids, my very life....and then, we visit, and like a school girl crush, I just fall in love all over again.....

Reading all these posts, I guess I sound like a broken record when I say that I never imagined I would be in this situation, but here I am...

I guess you can say Im a newcomer to the game. My boyfriend of (off and on) 5 yrs has been locked up for about 4mths now and is getting sentenced to 5-6yrs. It breaks my heart just thinking about it. 5-6yrs of OUR LIFE TOGETHER gone, because of one stupid mistake that could have been avoided. Now I embark on the journey of making those faithful trips upstate, and writing letters all the time.

He loves me to death, I think because to him I appear to be taking all of this with ease, and I appear to be strong (only if he knew). I feel I have to be...for him. It doesn't make sense for both of us to depressed and sad all the time. Someone has to be the rock in our relationship. I guess that someone would be me. But thats only on the outside. Inside....it hurts so bad. And I dont know what to do. None of my friends (although they try) can really help because none of them have been through this. Sometimes I think why me??? Or is it really worth all this stress, pain, and frustration?? But there is no doubt how much I love him, and I guess this just proves what lengths I am willing to go for him.

(OMG...am I talking too much??) It just feels good to get this off of my chest. Ive been praying for him, for us. I know God will give me the strength to get through this. But it gets so hard sometimes. And even though he doesnt expect me to wait for him, its like I cant be with anyone else. It sucks being alone. Anyone I try to date I find no interest in them. I dunno...My friends say to find someone just to keep me company, and give me money and to use that to send to my man lol...

Anyway, Im reaching out for help. Im happy there are women who have and still are going through the same thing as me.

Well, welcome Swillie, but I'm sorry you have to be here. This isn't an easy journey, ask anyone here, but if you keep praying to the Lord, He will give you strength, even when you feel there is none to be had. He'll also bring you the answers, maybe not the ones you're looking for, but you'll find your answers. Believe me I know it's hard to always be the "rock" but eventually your man is going to have to be strong for you too. You can't always hide your pain. But that's what we're all here for, because we know your pain, we understand your pain. But speaking for myself only, the only "pain reliever" I've ever found is prayer. I too have thought of "passing my time" with someone else, but the thought always escapes me immediately because I am in true God sent love, and I could never taint it. We only had 3 years of this misery and we're down to the last 5 months, but time goes faster than you think even if it doesn't seem like it right now. You'll have good and bad times, but remember your life doesn't stop until he comes home and he wouldn't want it that way I'm sure.
But yes, certainly it feels good to get it off your chest, I know. Listen, I found strength in reading some of the posts here. There are some amazingly strong women here. Actually all of us are! We all have our moments, and thankfully we have this forum to vent those moments and seek advice and comfort.
Goldylox,
I am so amazed sometimes when I read these posts because I realize that what I'm feeling is normal for my situation. I too was starting to feel very disconnected to Quentin because he was unable to make calls and the mail was moving so slowly. I hate that disconnected feeling, but I always feel better when I get a letter. And good news everyone... Quentin is finally in his parent institution and is able to make calls, unfortunately not to me because I can't even do prepaid on a cell phone, but when I stay at his Grandma's house on the weekends, he'll be able to call me there. I'm so excited! And he found out that our visits will be contact, I haven't verified it yet, but he asked the warden and he said yes... That's good news for me! He called his mama yesterday and she called me, he is in much better spirits now, AMEN! WOW, his stay in the reception center was a long and grueling one, but now it's all over and he can ride out the rest of this time in a little more comfort! His mama sent him the money for his TV, thank God, cuz I didn't know where I was going to come up with the cash, and I'm sending his food and sundry box today! He is going to be a much easier man to get a long with now! Oh and I got letters filled with so much love yesterday! I am so happy!

If I'd get one love letter a week, I could cope so much better. Seeing him every 2 weeks is good, but going to the mailbox and getting only junk mail and bills just sucks.

Swillie, welcome. You're on a difficult journey but come here anytime to rant, rave, and cry.

I'm doing OK today. I have got to cut out the drinking before it causes something bad to happen...on the wagon again!!

Joyce

PS...Christy I'm happy for you, you sound so relieved!!

Hello Ladies,

I havent posted in a while things have been very hetic at home. Welcome to all the new ladies. Been trying to read all the new posts but with only being able to go on line on lunch it's alot to take in. As I said in my last post my little brother is moving out. I actually had to write up an eviciton notice (giving him till 7/8) things were getting worse at the house with him, people over all the time, being disrespectful so he claims he'll be out of the house by the 19th of this month. I know if he truly is I'll be doing the Happy Dance. Daryl didnt know exactly what was goin on w/him so at 1st he wasnt happy about my decision now he knows and wants him out ASAP, especially since my landlord will be here this week. Alot of things at the house need to be fixed b/f he comes and lil bro doenst want to help since I'm throwing him out. Looks like another family memeber will be cutting me off. but I truly dont care it's like he'll never get his life straight and he just had his 1st baby but wants to keep sellin. Not out in my house.

As for things with Daryl and myself there going as good as any relationship where one half is only there part time. Been having those moments where I feel like this is never going to be over with and those moments where the longer he's gone the harder it seems to get. Still waiting for this to get easier. Starting to really loth the emotional rollercoaster. Still no release date but I guess I should know by now I'm on there time and when they finally give us one I will be truly thankful. He told me he's tired of hearing me say that I want him home b/c it's hurting him that he's not. But if he wants to know how I'm feeling what am I supposed to do lie?????!!!!???

Well my break is almost over---Keep your heads up God only knows we all want these nightmares to end it's just a matter of when

Joyce, I am so relieved, life is so much better now. I keep getting wonderful letters filled with so much love. I got another one today. The one thing I can say is that Quentin does write me almost every day. They don't arrive like that because I think that they hold them or something, but I can look at the dates and see that he is writing daily. He every now and again gets mad at me and goes on a "writing strike" but usually it doesn't last long because he will get a letter from me that he can't help but respond to. I do that on purpose, when he's on strike, I say things to spark reaction, things I know he feels he has to respond to. So I at least get mail moving again, then I butter him up and he forgets he was ever mad to begin with. It's almost comical to "argue" by mail. Joyce, please don't do the drinking bit... I've been there too, and I know how easy it is because of the amount of stress we are in. But drinking only makes all things worse. If you need to talk to someone you can personally email me, I'd love to hear from you. I'll be praying for you.

Oh my God... they let him have a free call!! He called me direct! I sat there in complete shock I didn't know it was him, then I couldn't believe it was him! I'm so happy! He sounds so wonderful! I'm crying, but only they are tears of joy because I was so blessed to talk to my man today! It's been since visit and I was so happy!

Christy, thanks for sharing your joy!!

Joyce (second sober day in a row)

Go Joyce... stay sober... you need me contact me... Keep smilin' I'll keep prayin'
Christy

Hi, ladies! I"m back in Virinia. I've got to tell you what happened at visit. I was talking to my husband and I put my head down. I wasn't feeling good. The ride to Amarillo is so hard on me my visits suck. Anyway, he yells, "Toni. What happened to your head?" He thought it was bleeding or something. Well, no, I am going bald! The Lupus and stress and all has attacked my hair and it is falling out to leave a growing bald spot the size of a nickle. Happy, happy joy, joy! I was so mortified. You know, nobody looks at me long enough to notice stuff like that but well, in a face to face 4 hour contact visit he sees me. He really sees me. Anyway, I am trying to get the hair loss to stop. It is pretty rapid. I've been pretty discouraged.
Oh, I am finishing up the beyond incarceration book I've been writing so if anyone has any stories about overcoming an obsticle to parole or release success that is between one sentence and 1500 words long please let me know. I have room for 12 short stories that are ultimately positive.
Okay, I better go. I go to the jail to work tomorrow. I will be here for 3 weeks.
I could never get my husband's myspace to work. I don't know what the deal is.

I am new here. I was wondering if anyone would like to become pen pals with me. I am having a really hard time. My fiance is in a Mass. Correctional facility. I just got back last night from seeing him. I live in NY and he is 5 hours away. I am having a serious problem missing him. He is going to be moved to another prison. I just could really use a good friend who has been thru this and could be a good friend. If you would like to talk some more you can email me @ tinavasco06@yahoo.com.

I want to say I admire all of you.

Thanks!

Tina

We were just approved to get married there on December 27th. Has anoyone got married with their husbands in prison?

well...I just got a letter from my hubby...and it seems things went from bad to worse. His new facility has decided he has no medical problems. His disability, and five back surgeries mean nothing. According to them, he has been nothing but lazy and a drain on the SS system. As such, he has been put out in the heat hauling rocks from ditches. Apparently glaucoma is nothing either, and he does not need his eye drops or medication for his kidneys to produce enough citric acid to prevent kidney stones, of which he has endured the pain of over 30 and has never been able to pass them, they have had to be removed. He is generally not a complainer, so I know things are serious. He is begging me to find some way to help him before he loses his ability to walk or his eyesight and I do not know what to do. I have learned the hard way that sometimes trying to help just causes them more grief. Does anybody have any ideas how I might be able to help him without getting him into more trouble with those who have control over him? Any help would be greatly appreciated....

Tinamarie: How long is your fiance in for?? Thats great that you guys have been approved to get married! December tho??? Was the process really long??? Just wondering because my fiance thinks that as soon as he gets to wear he's going for the next 9 months to a year that we will be able to get married as soon as possible. Thats probably not going to be the case tho eh?? So what exactly did you have to do to get approved?? Like how do you even get the marriage licence with out him with you??? These are the things that i've been wondering the last few months and i would totally love keeping contact with someone who is going through the same struggle as me cuz not to many people can understand.. And thats why i love this site sooooooo much because everyone here is just sooooo great and supportive......Christy wow they let him call direct!!!! thats amazing!!! did he have to beg or were they just that nice???? thats really cool i would have totally freaked out. I had to stop pre-paying my phone because now calls are 25$ insted of the $5 that they use to be dont ask me why but i was so mad when i prepaid 50$ and only got 2 calls insted of 10. but anyhow my fiance is getting transported to the prison this monday and then we can actually start counting down the days..Gosh this whole county jail thing was the longest 4 months of my life!! They suck at county!! Anyhow hope you ladies are all doing good! God bless you all!!

Angel,
I was just wondering, based on your post if you are ready for marriage... I'm interested in knowing what you had to do to be approved though as well Tinamarie... But yes, they did let him call direct... it's the nicest thing that any county jail or prison has ever done for my man. We got so many details of his packages settled in that phone call, yet he managed to let me know that he loves me dearly. My best friend gets married Saturday and though I was jealous before I truly look forward to it now. I only have a little less than five months now and it will be me planning a wonderful wedding... I'm smiling at the thought...

Mythangel, what I would do in your situation is get on the phone with every government official I could think of, and stomp down to city hall with records of his medical problems, and send copies to the Governor, State. I'd probably print up flyers detailing the situation that urge my friends and neighbors to call and send letters. (Provide addresses and phone numbers!)

I'd definitely contact the warden wherever he is and calmly explain that your husband is in a very dangerous situation, and you're very worried. Sometimes people have compassion.

Good luck.

Hello Ladies,

I need to vent. For some reason today is not a very good day for me. I'm missing Daryl more then usual which I dont know how that's possible because I miss him like crazy everyday. I'm sitting at work and I have pictures of him all over my cubical. I have the one of us from the 1st contact visit at Deep Meadows and it's crazy we both look so happy but I know we're not. It was the first time in almost 9 months that I was able to hug or kiss him so I know that's one reason for the smiles. I'm supposed to go see him 2morrow but dont know if I can b/c of no gas and I dont get paid until Tuesday. His brother has been staying w/me for the past 2 weeks, Daryl asked him to help me out in anyway possible while he's down, and it's been great but it's not the same.

I'm supposed to be the strong one while all this is going on but I'm so tired of having to keep my head up all the time when right now I could truly go home and stay in bed all weekend. Pull the blanket over my head and not talk to or deal with anyone. Since my lil bro is moving out Daryls' brother is moving back in and I havent decided if thats what I truly want. I know it's what he wants because he's worried about me but I have my best friend and her boyfriend living with me now, but in the same sense my family is there and having his family (or at least some) there is almost like having him. His bro and I get along great were like brother and sister---GOD I JUST WANT DARYL HOME I'M SO SICK OF THIS----and of course still no release date I love having to waiting on DOC time they told me 3 months after he was sentenced he would know it's been almost 10. WE pay there salary w/the taxes they take from us but we have to walk on egg shells dealing with the DOC. Doesnt make much sense.
Ok I'm rambling on and on so I'm going to end this now--I cant wait to get home so I can have a good cry--which I'm tired of doing but lately I feel like my tears are all I have.---One day they turn back in tears of joy instead of having to deal with this miserable bull shit.

Oh forgot the maker of that show 30 days that airs on FX did 30 days in Henrico County Jail (New Kent) he was there as an inmate to show what the drug program is all about it airs on July 26th but I dont know what time. Daryl is supposed to be on it as well--Hoping my parents dont see it since I'm in the middle of a custody battle with them for my son. Thats another thing I'm not to happy about him doing. he thinks it will help reduce his time. Yea OK

Oh God yes i'm ready to be married and raise our family!! We've been together for almost 10 years already 3 of which he was in prison. But i thought that i could move on and do this thing called life on my own with out him and that was the stupidest thing i have ever thought in my life!! We stayed in contact during the 3 years he was gone but we both at that time agreed that we should go our seperate ways..But as soon as he got out we realized that we were still very much in love with each other and NEEDED to be together and that was 3years ago. The only problem that we were facing was that his parol was in WI and I am living in IL so we were actully in the process of getting married and getting his parol changed to IL but with him being in IL and practly staying with me 24/7 anyhow that turned out to be the biggest mistake ever!!!! ( PAROL VIOLATION ) so here i am again this time around with my man but i swear that this time i'm gonna stick it out and we WILL be together, i just wish he had half as much faith as me! He's so worried that im gonna get weak but i know with out a doubt that i want noone but him!! So anyhow i have faith that everything will turn out for the best..Take Care

hi ladies!!!!!!! thanx for all of the love and the warm welcomes...you ladies are really admirable and i am so thankful for finding you!!!! as for me, ive been in good spirits (just thought id share some good news) i took ur advice (thanx christy) and prayed and i felt soooo much better. God does listen. ive accepted the fact that my love (oh by the way his name is brian)is going away for 5 years and that the only thing i can do is try to support him the best way i can and continue to pray for the both of us that we'll get through this.

i had a visit with him yesterday, and it was a nice one. i guess im going to try to see him as much as possible before he gets sentenced and shipped away to a state prison. his mother actually called me yesterday and we actually had a nice convo, the most we've ever said to each other in the past couple of yrs (her and brian have a bad relationship, and ever since hes been locked up, its like she has something against me because ive been helping him) but yesterday she broke down and told me that shes sorry we never had a real chance to talk and that she appreciates everything im doing...i was like wow...i guess things are starting to come around- slowly but surely...

well thats my thought for the day..enjoy ur weekend ladies!!!!

Angel,

He is going to the parole board sometime in January. Actually the process wasn't really that long. He proposed in March. He just had to speak to someone and put it in writing. He needed my info and then just waited. But now that he is moving to another facility, I don't know what in the world is going to happen though. No letter from him in 4 days. He is without stamps and it is driving me nuts and with the digital phone thru the cable company, they don't let you get collect calls from the correctional facilities. So needless to say I am going crazy. To get the marriage license without him all you need to do is to tell them he is incarcerated and all u need is his SSN and his parents names. That's it.

My name is Karina and I just found this site. I hope I can find something here that will help me. I have never felt so many emotions at once. My love of my life is leaving me for 3 years. We haven’t been apart for a week since we met. He is my best friend & my happiness. He is the only close person I have in my life that knows my life, what I like, what I fear. He is the greatest man with the most amazing qualities.
His trial is over and he has to turn himself in on the 28th of this month. (less than 2 weeks!) I have no clue how to feel. I go through such anger and sadness than I feel like I’ve lost my mind. What am I supposed to do without my strength, my passion, the person that makes everything in my life, wonderful? I feel like I want to break down everyday. I know I will in court. How am I supposed to just watch him leave? I want to be strong for him. I want to appreciate the time we have left but I can’t stop crying & feeling helpless. I know this is hard for him. I don’t want to make it harder for him by breaking down but I don’t know how to hide it. I can’t believe this is going to happen. Every hardship thus far, I’ve gone to him for comfort. He made me feel like everything was ok because he was by my side. Now what? Everything makes me think of him and the memories we made in our relationship. I really think I’m gonna lose it. Why am I not able to accept that this is happening? It’s just not real to me. They can’t do this. They don’t understand how much his family, kids & I need him. Please tell me what to do. How can I help him right now? Don’t let him see me crying, right? My head is too cloudy. I can’t think clearly enough to make the right decisions. I admire everyone here that is dealing with this pain. I want to find the strength you all have to get through each day. I want to help my baby get through this too.
I’m fearfully counting down the days until they take my heart from me. I don’t know what to do.
- God bless us all & give us strength. Please
karina

Karina...

I know some of what you are feeling. I waited so long to find the love of my life and to have him taken from me was one long nightmare. The waiting was awful, you try to be strong, both of you, but one or the other of you loses it eventually. My husband tried to be the strong one, but when I fell apart it was torture to him. He felt so terrible that his stupid mistake was causing our family so much misery and would cause it for years to come. When he fell apart, I felt helpless and knew there was really nothing I could do to ease his fear and pain. He is a good man and it hurt me to hurt him, so I kind of went into denial until court. At court I completely lost it, but I think its OK. I think everyone grieves the loss of a loved one no matter the length of separation.

Everyone is different and will find their own path...but for us, even though we knew there wasnt much time left, we tried our hardest to set aside the reality of what was to come and just spent time together doing everything we could think of. We spent a weekend away, just the two of us and believe it or not we played and had the best time, even knowing it would be our last for a long time to come. We did extra things with the kids, just simple things like picnics and movies. We took lots and lots of pics and videos--we made wonderful memories. When I send those pics..it sustains him and reminds him what he has to come home to. It gives him beautiful memories to cling to when his reality gets too much for him to handle.

Its going to be hard, but I have faith you will find your strength. And all the wonderful people in this forum will be here for you with caring hearts, listening ears, and some really good advise and suggestions. You and your family are in my prayers.

Myth

Cant wait till tomorrow: our last visit at "county", then he gets transported to prison... I'll be so glad when all this "county" crap is done and over with! I cant wait till all this is done and over with to be honest with you! But i just keep praying that this time apart will make our love for one another so much stronger!! I'm gonna really look into getting that marriage licence as soon as he's moved to the next facility because i so bad want him to be paroled out to me when he finally is released...Anyhow i hope all of you are holding up ok. For me it seems like the more time that goes by the easier it is to accept all this! And for all you new ladies i remember the first few weeks of when my man went to jail and it was complete torture, because EVERYTHING reminded me of him so EVERYTHING made me cry it was almost as if i was mourning his death! It was the worst feeling ever, but now it's already been 4 months and we both seem to just be focused on our future and what were going to do when he's out. In the begining there were just so many emotions going on between the both of us that it was alot more stressful. Now i think maybe he finally beleives me when i say i'm actually gonna wait for him.. Anyhow i hope so! But you ladies have a good nite.Bye4now

Hi Ladies,

I see the site is busy. Welcome to the new ladies. Sorry you are here with us. Prisondise is no easy place to be. You have found a place to laugh, cry, vent and will see other ladies "reading your mind." I feel that I have made bonds that will last for ever.

I haven't posted in a while. I was down with Strep and ear infections since last Saturday. I laid in bed and wished to be "struck by lightening."LOL It was the worse case I have ever had.

Way to go Joyce.

Suzanne

Hi I am unfortunate to be looking for this site but so fortunate to have found it. No one else seems to understand what I am going through! My husband of 40 yrs. just went to prison on Wed. for 3 1/2 yrs. I still can hardly believe it is true. This whole past year has been a nightmare to me. He is in a state prison and currently in pc because he is at risk. The pain in my chest is so huge it feels like it is going to explode. I haven't yet seen him even though I have been to the prison twice, and they don't know when they will let me in. Something about his time in pc. He is supposed to be shipped to another facility for assessment but I don't know when that will be and then it will be at least a month until I can see him. J's attitude seems ok right now. He can call me when he has rec. so I have talked to him. He just had his second angioplasty and they are not giving him all his meds. so I am also worried he might die just from his heart disease and not getting treatment. He also doesn't have a bible although he tried to take one in with him. A guard loaned him one for an hour the other day. I just feel so alone, and sad, and hurt, and angry. It seems like we are the ones who are punished so harshly and yet we didn't do a thing. There was an article in our paper this week, front page with a picture, so I am still weathering the storm of that. I am so surprised at the people who have abandoned me, ones I thought were friends. But the surprise is that a few have come forward that I didn't realize were such good people. I've rambled enough. Thanks so much for making this board available. You all have been so much support already. Babs

Hi, Tinamarie I married my husband while he was inside on December 27th 1996. In Texas we had to marry by proxy. It was interesting. I conducted a wedding in Alabama and that was more civil with a cake that had to be cut up and we could dress up and the couple exchanged vows in the same room. I surprized my husband with our wedding certificate. He didn't know I found someone to stand in so I drove from Arizona to East Texas, got married and showed up. We had wrangled with the system for 6 months trying to get it done. I wish you well.

I need to know if a lady I talked to in Albany is on the site. I misplaced her address before I left for Virginia. Can you please contact me?

I fear I am rambling with this post, it's just, you ever get to a place where everything is bothering you on a personal level? I'm feeling vulnerable. I'm not doing well with the incarceration thing and being so far from my husband when I come out here. I want so much to get up on my feet and take my life back from health issues and stay close to him and my family and my animals. I just need some support myself you know?
The worries of life are a little much these days, my former brother in-law had a lung transplant and is not doing well in California so please pray for him. His name is Geoff. He is my daughter's favorite family member.
Then and this lady isn't my family but by the nature of her life I feel she is part of our family here at POL. There is lady here in Waverly,Virginia who was killed by her prison pen pal this week. I feel so bad when that type of thing happens. When people are given a second chance and believed in and then they harm the people who care. I feel such sorrow for she and her family and the family of the man who did this. He had only been home 2 months. Please pray for her family.
I'm with Suzanne in sick bay. It seems like every trip out here I catch something horrible. I've been down all weekend with some horrible crud and hope that it is all gone by tomorrow morning.
I will end on a lighter note. Happy father's day to all you father stand ins! I hope you have a great day. My husband sent me a fathers day card. LOL.

Hey, I nearly forgot. We need to keep ourselves healthy as we wait and this situation can drain the health out of anyone. I wanted to encourage you to take this real age quiz. It will tell you how you are really aging and how to help you slow the aging process. I am chronilogically 47 and my real age is 50.6 so I am going to take steps to get healhier where possible. It's free. I found it told me more valuable information than my doctors.
www.realage.com
We've got to take care of ourselves.

Welcome Babs, Tinamarie, and hi everyone!

I had a really nice visit with Kenny today. We're not sure how long of a bid this is going to be--worst case scenario is another 5 years after the 15 months we've done. (his lawyer is working on get one of his charges dropped, so that might make things a bit more manageable.) either way, we were talking about the FUTURE, like there is actually a light at the end of the tunnel, even if it is 5 years out.

He's in the Federal System, so while there's no parole or conjugal visits, he has an opportunity to get into RDAP (Residential Drug Abuse Program) for 9 months, which will be tough because it's only offered at certain facilities, and they're all pretty far away. Anyhow, it can earn you up to 12 months off your sentence, the average is 8. Then the last 6 months is at a Halfway House, so I might actually get a naked hug in 41 months, and that's a conservative guess. 3 1/2 years seems doable to me, but Kenny's already been down for 15 months now. It's amazing how we're in a great groove right now, enjoying each other's company, calls and letters, and getting along just great.

And I'm taking your advice, especially Toni and Christy--I need to keep myself healthy so we can enjoy ourselves for a spell when he gets out. What sense would it make for me to have a liver problem or lung cancer just in time for him to come home? That would be a sick joke. So, I'm off the booze and cigarettes. Period, end of story. They were making me sick and sad.

I love Kenny too much to do myself any more harm.

Joyce

Hi Everyone,

It's been a horrible day for me. Vent time.
Doug had another inmate start to harrass him. It was things like coming to Doug's room and demanding smokes, etc. It was adressed and the man was told to stay away from Doug. It was quiet for about 2 weeks and it started again last Tuesday. On Wednesday, the guy somehow got Doug's ID and refused to give it back until Doug gave him cookies and a soda. Doug called me Wednesday night and asked me to call his classification officer to find out what to do. Some of the other inmates told him he needed to do this. I heard nothing Thursday from Doug. And he never misses a call when he says he will call. I find out on Friday, they have Doug in "protective confinement". I am mortified. My husband has spent Father's Day in a tiny room, all alone, because someone was harrassing him. He can't call me. He can't have visitors. And he will not be allowed out until the investigation is done. And NO ONE can tell me how long the investigation will take. And this is at the end of my "sick bay" week.
Thanks for listening
Suzanne

Suzanne,
I know exactly what you're going through. We just got through dealing with "protective custody" Quentin was unable to make calls and had to stay in a cell all by himself for a little over a month. He was able to write of course, but by the time the end of his time was up he became very nasty and bitter even towards me. Everyone became his enemy. Just pray for Doug that he can maintain his sanity. But remember being confined could be his safety and prevent something worse from happening which is the only thing that got me through the time Quentin was in "PC".
On another note, I was completely trashed during my last post, I had no idea I posted, my friend told me. My best friend got married and I went to her bachelorette party and wow, since I never drink, you all can imagine how I was. There are time periods of the evening that I can't even recall. Anyways, the wedding was beautiful and the last four days blew by... if only time always moved as fast as it does when you're on vacation.. eh ladies? Well welcome to all of the new ladies... I have found so much comfort in all of the strong ladies here. I hope you do as well. I missed a lot while I was gone but I'm hoping that everyone is doing well.
Joyce... I'm so glad... I've been praying for you. Well I'm calling tomorrow to find out about visiting... I think that I can get a visit this week... I'm so excited. Have a good day everyone...
Christy

Christy,

Thank you, I feel so "kept in the dark". No one there really gives a direct answer. And God hears from me a Whole.....Lot..... Also, everyone is due a "getting trashed" every now and then. LOL

Welcome to all the new ladies. Our sisterhood is growing. As Christy just proved, there is someone on here that understands how you feel. And Christy's words are very comforting to me. You can tell yourself this a million times. But, until someone tells you, it just doesn't "sink in" sometimes.

Joyce, hang in there. We are all with you.
Suzanne

Suzanne,
I forgot to say to you that if you are persistent but nice you will get the information that you need. I've called so many times to the facility he was in that I began to build personal friendships with the employees. Most often my "buttering" got Quentin needed items that he had been deprived of prior... For instance, they didn't let him take in paper, a pen, nor envelopes. One day I got a letter on toilet paper written with a borrowed pen and sent with a borrowed envelope. I called and a week later I got a letter from him that said, "I can't figure it out but one day I was sitting here and a pad of paper, a pen and an envelope slid under my door." He thought the Lord sent it because he'd been praying for them. They also allowed them to have his pictures back because I called upset that they had taken them from him. And that's how I got a direct call from him from his new facility... I called and told them that the phone company wasn't going to allow me to lift the block and they went and got him and let him call me... yes, buttering them up truly can work because you can sometimes appeal to their sense of compassion because after all they are human beings too and they get to know our guys and realize that they are nice guys too. However, it doesn't solve all problems, but you really need to write Doug often but make sure you keep the family stresses out and only fill the letters with love and encouragement... trust me, I learned the hard way after one month. One month in lockdown in the PC "hole" and my man's imagination became the most vivid of all the earth. He imagined me doing crazy things that would be "deal breakers" for us. So be prepared for some truly desparate words and possibly even some not so pleasant words. Try to be understanding and let the hurt roll off your back because chances are he won't mean it... he's just lonely, lost and confused. I'm praying for Doug that the investigation goes quickly and that it gets resolved in a manner that pulls him from the "punishment" of PC. Hey and my email is gladiator852@yahoo.com if you or anyone else ever wants to email me... I'm up for some good correspondance. Hope every one's day is good and flys by...
Christy

Hello ladies. Its come that time for me to vent.

U know, its crazy...one day you can feel on top of the world like "yeah, I can do this" and the next its like the world is crumbling. Im just so thankful for this site where there are women who understand exactly what Im going thru and can offer some insight.

Lately, Ive been feeling like I cant do this for the next 5 1/2 years. I mean, I love Brian so much, and I would never abandon him, but it just feels like its too much. Some days I try to think positive, like us being apart gives me the time to focus on my school and my future career, and for him to finally get his head together.

He said there are gonna be alot of changes when he gets home, and we've even made plans to get married and start a family together. But Im so scared that hes gonna go back to the same lifestyle that got him where he is now. See this is not his first offense. He just came home last summer after doing 8mths for a drug charge. (We weren't together during that time) This time it was a violent offense and a weapon was involved, which surprised the hell outta me because hes not a violent person. He says he just snapped. I dunno what to think of it. And to make matters worse, my family is in total disapproval (Ive only confided in my uncle) and all Ive been hearing from him is that since this isnt Brian's first charge, it isnt gonna be his last, its no use sticking by him because his opportunities are gonna be extremely limited when he gets home so we're not gonna have much of a productive future, but to make sure that Im sticking with him for the right reasons. But I want my family to meet him and get know the person that I want to spend the rest of my life with. Wat do I do??? I know that as soon as they find out he has a record, all theyre gonna do is judge him. And Ive already lost a best friend to this, because he became extremely jealous of Brian (my so-called "best friend" had a thing for me for the longest)and instead of supporting me thru this, he says some of the most hurtful things.

But I love Brian. Ive never felt like this with anyone before and I believe that God placed us together for a reason. And somehow, someway, everything is gonna work out, and someday we're gonna be together again. "There is light at the end of the tunnel". But it just gets so hard, u know? The frustration, the LONELINESS....OMG thats whats been killing me. Hes been down for about 4mths now, and thats been rough..I cant imagine how I am gonna get thru 5 1/2 more years.

Also, hes being sentenced next tues and being sent to a state prison in NY i guess so can anyone give me some heads up on what to expect concerning like the run around with the moving of jails, visitation, and sending money to him.

I finally had a chance to read all the posts from start to finish, and I have to say your stories are amazing. I actually teared up a lil (and Im usually not a crier).
Thanks ladies for listening. If anyone can offer some advice my email is swilliams@yahoo.com

God bless

oh my mistake my email is swilliams815@yahoo.com...

okay have a good one ladies

Hey,ladies. I am extreemly excited at the growth of our group. It has taken 9 years to get it this far and now when you put prisoners of love in a search engine we come up first. Yippie!
The thing I want to talk about is possiblities when they come home. Someone said, and I was going to mention you by name because I wanted to cheer you up about the possiblities after he comes home,but now I can't find your post. Anyway, my friend Bruce got out, went to a half way house, and got a job in a factory now keep in mind he had drug issues, a lot of arrests and sex offender status and a monitor and GPS and he gets a job making more than I've ever made in my life. The thing is people can have hard times or they can have good times. If he (my friend) has problems I know it will be his own fault because I see that he has become addicted to prison. I told him I thought he was going to go back the first few weeks he was out. He seemed terrified of freedom and used any excuse to think about going back even sassing the half way house folks.
I would like them to officially recognize prison as an additive situation because the withdrawls are exactly the same as for any drug. They call it institutionalized but what it is, is addition. I didn't read that anywhere. That is my opinion. But no official I have said that to disagreed with me. If your loved one gets a good parole person, if they have a program that helps, if you get a list of companies that hire people with records then he can have a good start at a new life. The hard part is to keep our expectations down and theirs too. Because in there they get to hear about money as if it grows on trees and how folks are just waiting to help them and all and then when it doesn't happen they get discouraged. Also, our time, and I say this because I let someone parole to my house, is not going to be spent with them all the time. They have to work, go to parole, go to drug counseling, counseling, what ever and when we expect them to be home we are in for a lot of disappointment. Okay, that is me just spouting off on the possibilites. The possibility of doing well is as good as the one that they do poorly just like everyone else with a slight disadvantage. One that others have overcome so he may well do it also with strength and courage.
I wish my husband could come home and make the money Bruce is making. I could spend that money up...let me tell you!
Take care and hang in there.

I know it may not exactly be healthy for me, but the only thing I think about him coming home is the possibility of his success. I don't even allow myself to say "what if." I know it isn't healthy to think, "that happens to everyone else but not us" but I do a lot of praying about it. He's going to be down for 3 years total when it's all over and I feel like I've kept him connected to his family and the "outside world" well enough to prevent him from becoming "institutionalized." He has so many people out here that are counting on his success, I couldn't bear the thought of failure. I pray about it everyday and hope that when he does get out opportunities will arise and prevent him from feeling like he has to "hit the streets" for a "way" in life. I'm going to be as supportive as I can, but I've said all along that I'm not doing this again. This was it for me. My children, his children, cannot handle it either... we all miss him. We have 8 children, none of them over 11, our youngest will be 2 next month (I was pregnant when he went in)... if he can mess up and walk away again, then he definitely isn't the person I thought he was. But now that we are just down to "days"... 150 of them to be exact... I begin to think more and more of the possibility he will return home and mess up again... I just pray... that's all I can do.
Well visit is tomorrow... I need prayers please... it's a long trip, it's my first one to this facility and he's been moody, so please pray for me a safe and pleasant visit... I'll tell ya all about it tomorrow night. Hope everyone's day is pleasant... and speedy!!!
Christy

Hey, girls, I haven't been posting because I'm dealing with 2 teenagers and their father (who's worse than the 2 of them put together). Seems they've decided that I am not welcome to go with them to the beach house that I researched, signed for and paid for half of.

They had me over on Father's day to "celebrate" when what they did was ambush me and tell me that all of everyone's problems are caused by my drinking. I haven't drank in over a week. I hope they have fun down there without me, especially when it comes time to get the key, since the person who signed the lease isn't going to be there. AND she's not going to be available either.

At first I was sad. Sad that my kids don't want to hang out with me, then I got mad at my ex- for (1) not siding with me and telling the kids that WE ARE THE ADULTS and children respectfully do what their parents ask, and (2) actually ENCOURAGING them to bitch and moan and complain and cry that I ruin every vacation we've ever been on, and that they didn't want me to go.

Their smiling faces while snorkeling in the Flordia Keys, at Disney World, camping and fishing up in the mountains, I guess they forget about all that.

And I'm the only one who works her ass off all year to pay for this shit. They can go alone and fight amongst themselves. Mark (the dad) is disabled in a wheelchair, and my daughter only has her permit. I don't even know how they're going to get down there. Probably one of Mark's sisters. It'll be a "Bash Joyce Festival" to be sure.

FUMING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Joyce

Hello Ladies!

I hope everyone is doing well and for those who are frustrated, just remember there is always light at the end of the tunnel. =) (Sometimes it is just hard to see) I just wanted to drop in and say hello and share a bit.

Things have been so busy here. I went through a bad time and had to withdraw for a while because I was so frustrated from my toxic mother. I am staying with her and she is sooo mean and I found myself feeling blue. She is old so I really try to be there for her but she says such mean, wicked and unsupportive stuff it is hard to ignore it or even be nice to her. Yesterday she told me, "You are so stupid. Its not like you are ugly or something; why are you putting life on hold for that loser nut?" This upset me a lot and made me angry as well, because it is not a choice for someone to be clinically depressed. It is hard to have a mental illness and I was feeling so hateful that I keep running into people who are so judgemental and mean that at times I feel like I am going to burst into tears or have a rage moment.

My baby was supposed to be released this month, but one of the victim's that he defrauded had a major fit and the judge decided to keep him in jail. That hurt because I was all prepared for him to come home and I felt like I got kicked in the face. The victim even made me more angry because he filed for restitution but the thing is, no money was taken from his account because it was caught in time. However, he is moaning about pain, suffering, and justice and didn't have a problem saying that my man was a menace to society and deserved to be in prison for several years. *Sigh. It was really frustrating.

Prior to that, I about busted my butt trying to find an apartment that would take someone with a criminal record and for three weeks I kept getting insulted and having doors slammed in my face. It was horrible. I had many tell me that they did not "want my kind in their complex" or flat out told me, well you shouldn't break the law then you wouldn't be going through this..." By the grace of God, I found this very cool lady to finally rent to us... And he is not even here to enjoy it and although I have faith he will be released soon, I am trying not to get my hopes up.

I've been so tired from work, so stressed from bills, plus the guilt, loneliness, and anger sometimes gets the best of me. Robert called me yesterday and told me that the food was giving him reactions because it had onion (he is allergic) and asked me to put some money in his account. I felt crappy when I said I couldn't because there wasn't any money. I got rent to pay now and I haven't even started to pay the other important bills yet- car insurance, car payment and gas for the week.

I just got home from work and even though I know in my heart that things will work out, I feel blue. I feel like an island and I hate having to feel like I have to be so responsible for myself and for his needs too- I love him to death, but I keep praying that when he does get out, he doesn't screw up again; I think I will go nuts because I have been working so hard for us and I think I will crumble and melt if my expectations of us aren't fufilled. I know that sounds horrible, but thats how I feel. Granted I would have to take care of me too, but I still feel like half a person since he has been locked up.It really hurts.

Anyway, thanks for being here and letting me vent.All you ladies are great and I still wish someone was local because it would be great if I could just sit down and talk to someone who understands what I am going through, without the judgement.

- Azalea

Well, it seems like today is quite a day. I got fired from my perfect little job that took me forever to find. I thought that I had it all worked out and that I'd be fine... then this. What next? It's visit tomorrow of course... that gives me hope, only Quentin has been in quite a mood lately. I do everything I can to get everything he needs and I stress and go to the ends of this earth for him... and I swear it seems like nothing is ever good enough... I try really hard to make excuses for him and say that it's just the pressures of what he's going through, yet sometimes I truly wonder if I will ever do "good enough" for him... I don't know... I'm kind of down today... Why is it that when you think things are going well, something comes along and bursts your "happy" bubble? Well, I am praying for everyone... Joyce, if you wouldn't mind I'd like to share something with you... if you're willing, look through my past posts and you'll find my email address. I won't be offended if you don't want to or don't have the time... it's just that I can relate to what's happening for you right now.
Take care all
Christy

Hi Ladies,

Well needless to say I am having a HORRIBLE time. Vasco isn't able to write, he is w/out stamps, so it's been 10 days w/out a letter. But today I got one. And needless to say I was not happy at all with the letter. He called free on Monday to tell me his mom died. I just sent her a card for her birthday on Sunday with a photo of us at the last visit. to make it worse he has NO idea when they are moving him. I am also DEPRESSED because an old boyfriend who just happens to be in Folsom, wrote and stirred up some feelings. I guess I just never got over him and this just complicates things more. I also found a personal ad that Vasco's niece put up at www.prisonpenpals.com on May 17th and he won't take it down because he said in today's letter it is already paid for. If any7one has any advice, I could really use it and would appreciate it. My email address is tinavasco06@yahoo.com

Hope to hear from you soon!


Tina

Hey ladies,

It's me yet again. I got yet another letter today from Vasco. And in this letter he yelled at me because I said something about him not kissing me at visit. He told me in no certain terms that I was f'in nuts and that he will walk away. He also said that this was my final warning and he means it. I am REALLY confused and so upset that I am not even going to answer his letter. What do y'all think?

Tina

My feelings Tina is this situation ( having a loved one inside) is too hard to stay in if you are being treated badly. Life is too short to be anything other than kind. You are valuable. Your feelings matter and you must care for yourself, stay, go, whatever you decide but factor your own health, heart and needs in when you make your decision. You are free and need to be enjoying what you can enjoy and limiting toxic interactions. Personal opinion not meant to sway.
I never get when I hear men brow beating their wives at visit. gee wiz, if I liked that treatment i could get an abusive butt head out here who could at least pay the electric for me. You know? I don't want to influence you to do anything but take care of yourself.
Oh, and Azalia. I live with my mom also. I feel ya. Ugh. At first I thought I had a slip of the bit and got up in the middle of the night and wrote you guys about my feelings on the topic of living at home when you are old enough to have your own place. It is hard. The words were almost identical. Ha. I am glad you found a place! I have to pay my truck off first. I have like, I guess 6 more payments.

Christy - 8 kids? And he's moody? My goodness. You have my life time admiration. You take care of yourself and I sure hope you have a great visit. My husband is grumpy this week also. The heat I guess. Also the frustration over our situation. Keep strong ladies.

Okay Ladies... Today was "V" day!! Listen,I am on top of the world right now... I really hope that I can spread some cheer and hope... This absolutely was the best visit ever... I swear it was. First of all, it was our first visit since he was moved. The rules are so awesome where he's at now. I rested in his arms all day long... Yes ladies, 7 hours of bliss in my man's arms. I swear I felt so normal for a day... I forgot where we were, I forgot we weren't alone... I fell in love with him all over again today. It's been a long time since I touched him and today was so awesome... And YES... he apologized for all the tension and stress he's caused... we were able to work out so much, and we're finally planning the "big day" and it actually feels like a reality now... There's light at the end of the tunnel. Two and a half years of misery and we're in the final countdown... I went shopping for him today... he gets a sundry box... for the first time, it didn't feel like such a horrid chore... I skipped around the store looking for the little extras to put a smile on his face. The food box I sent was "perfect" he said... Yes.. finally I did something right!!! AMEN.. I love the guards at his facility, they are so nice and helpful and giving... I've only one small complaint about the whole thing, the only rule that Miss Matthews said was "unbendable"... absolutely no kissing except beginning and ending... she said even a peck and your suspended for 60 days... talk about some torture... He was my forbidden fruit and I was malnourished... but I thank the Lord for what I did get of him, and I look forward to our future....

Okay, now I almost felt guilty posting this because I know that we all experience "lows" and I didn't want to feel like I was rubbing it in... but I changed my mind, because I know we've all had a good visit or a good phone call or letter to look back on and I wanted to rekindle those memories for everyone... I may not even be "high" tomorrow, but for right now, I'm on cloud 9... and when I'm here venting somebody remind me of June 22, 2006 the day I fell in love with my fiance all over again... I'll remember this feeling, I really will!!!

Okay... I'm praying for everyone... and I've thought and thought about what I might be able to say to comfort or help you Tina, and I'll say this... Quentin sometimes takes his frustrations out on me... I hate it, I hate it more than life itself, but most the time I'm the only one he has to "bitch" to... so when he's in his "low" points, I try to be a bit more gingerly with my complaints, especially when they are minor... I wait until we're in a calm and express the minor irritations that we deal with. Now I'm not sure what kind of vibes you're getting from Vasco right now, but if he's in a "low" point, he's probably just a little oversensitive and wouldn't normally take it that way... Or at least I'd really like to think so... Here's what I do, and this just me, I'd welcome all the other ladies to tell me how they handle it... I kill him with love and kindness when he sends me his "bitch" letters... I make it damn near impossible for him to continue the "poison" (that's what Quentin and I call the "yelling" letters). 99.9% of the time after 1 or 2 letters filled with "overkill love" I get an apology letter and he tells me what a jerk he's been for taking his frustrations out on me...Hey, you never know it might work... But Tina, I get the impression that you are conflicted in other ways, and for that, you just have to search your own heart... Pray about it, you may not get the answer you want, or it may not come the way you expect it... but you'll find the answers... Keep your chin up, you're in my thoughts...
Christy

I am still looking for the lady I sold a book to 2 weeks ago. I lost her address and I owe her a small refund. Hee. Please, you know who you are because I called you at work before I lost stuff. What a bonehead sometimes. I know your name but don't want to write it here. I like to keep my word and here I am 2 weeks and don't know how to get it to you.

Toni, your post reminds me of "My Name is Earl." If you haven't seen this show, I recommend it highly. It's about a guy who gets hit by a car and while he's recuperating in the hospital, he gets an epiphany and realizes that he has to make up for any wrong he's ever done to anyone.

He has a moron for a younger brother, and a crazy ex-wife, and in every episode, something goes hilariously wrong as he tries to make some past wrong "right."

5 thumbs up. Thursdays, NBC, usually at 8 PM.

It makes me laugh. Last night he tried to pay the government back for some income taxes that he never paid, so he volunteers to spend a day on a chain gang, and at the end, the original guard isn't there, and despite all of his protests, he gets thrown in the hole. (Not funny unless you see how well done it is ... )

Just a little jailhouse humor that hit close to home. Watch it. It's always a morality tale, and a bunch of really deep belly laughs.

Joyce

Toni- Thanks so much! I appreciate you taking the time to give me your advice thanks awhole bunch!

Christy- I usually do that, but I have this feeling it isn't going to work this time. This is the very FIRT time he has ever talked to me this way. Especially knowing how abused I was in my last marriage for 10 years. It's terrible.

I didn't get a letter today. I even sold my car that has been sitting in my driveway for years, and I was thinking of going to see him again, but I don't want to go thru what I went thru last time and what I am going thru now. BUt seriously, I can't let myself get hurt like this again, like you said Toni, if I wanted to be treated like this, I could find someone outside the walls. But that's not what I want.

Have a great weekend ladies! I really love it here.!

Hi ladies,

I was off for a few days. I finally got a letter from Doug after ten days. I have been fed so much BS. His classification officer told me he was in a dorm, hd a roommate and that the only difference was he couldn't use the phone or have visitors.

Doug's lettersaid he is in a tiny room with no windows. No TV. and can not talk to anyone else. The review was Wednesday of the protection order. Doug told them he over reacted. I know my husband well enough that he told them that to get out of that section.

We should know by Tuesday if they are transfering him or he will just go to a different dorm.

I've decided it's the Florida department of deception. Instead of correction.

Joyce, I love that show. Good choice.
Everyone have a great weekend. I get to work all weekend.
Suzanne

I remember all the lies I was told. I think I just might "steal" your line Suzanne... only for me, it's OHIO. For us, the PC days are over and finally things are starting to calm down and he's finally starting to get his spirits back. I'm going to pray for Doug and hope that he settles in somewhere safe and that he can get back the few privileges he's being robbed of right now. I know how those conditions can break a man's spirit.
Hope everyone has a great weekend!
Christy

Today has definantly been the WORST day of my life!!! It's been a while since i've posted and part of it was because i thought things were going alright only to find out today that my fiance's Parole agent has been full of crap this entire time!! She promised us from the begining of all this that he would not be revoked WHAT SO EVER!! She reassured us not to worry at all. He had his revocation hearing on June 7th and all seemed to be going well she was going to put him into a program for 9-12 months called the MICA program for inmates with mental illness' and drug abuse wich is something he could have totally benifited from. But today she calls me and tells me that there are absolutly NO openings in any programs and now her only choice is to revoke him!! FOR 6 YEARS!!!!!! I dont even know how to feel about this?? I feel like she has completly betrayed us and i dont know who to talk to about this and the worst part about it is that she hasnt even told him yet. I'm going to visit him tomorrow and she wanted me to break the news to him and apologize for her..I THINK NOT!!! He is going to be complety crushed. We finally were able to accept the 9-12 month thing and look at it like a test for our love but 6 years is a really long time. I know that i want only him and i will wait forever but just thinking about it is devistating, i feel like his p.o should be in trouble for not being honest with us this intire time but i dont even know wear to begin or who to talk to???? Any how, this is a lot harder than i ever imagined!!!

Well Girls,

It looks like prisondise is crappy for all of us right now.

Angel....the hardest thing for me is that I have been trusting of these people, too. And all we know is what we are told. ANd I should have known.

Story: When Doug first went in, I was trying to get some information. I talked to his classification officer at the reception center is south Florida. She told me that she had a meeting with him the next day and we should know where he was headed. And to call her back the next day. That night at 8:00p, our phone rang. It was our 1 month anniversary and I was expecting Doug to call. But, not from the Florida panhandle. He wasn't even in South Florida when this woman was feeding me her bull. Then they told Doug he would be at that facility for several days. The next night he called from where he is now. SO the people are not truthful. They tell us what will keep us off there backs.

Angel, it is her place to tell him about the revoke. Not, yours. But, you don't want him angry with you because you knew and didn't tell him. Ask God what to do.
Suzanne

Angel,
Unfortunately, I have no information that could be helpful to you. You could possibly write letters to your Governor about the situation, but I'm not sure what that would do... but hey, maybe you could write him/her everyday and eventually he/she would get sick of hearing from you about it and check into and get something done.... Pretty lame, but I don't know... I absolutely have you in my prayers... I totally feel your pain, I would be devistated if in the same position... Turn to the Lord, He'll guide you and help you if you trust Him... I promise... I'm proof of the power of prayer...
Take care,
Christy

Hey Ladies,

Wow! It looks as if we are all having a rough time.

I again did not get a letter from Vasco yesterday and does it surprise me? No, I am just starting to get a little ticked of is all. He just promised me he was not like the others and I fell for it hook, line and sinker. I dunno, but the more I read Billy's letters, the more I get confused. Atleast Billy writes you know?

I am keeping y'all in my prayers!

Tina

Well, needless to say I am WAY more upset that I was alittle while ago.

I found yet ANOTHER ad on inmatemailpals.com and I have been speaking with the owner of the site. Come to find out, he sent a freeoffer to several people. He got Vasco's ad he believed, last week. He received a nice letter to the ad. He also said he had no idea that Vasco was involved. He was also not under the impression that he was involved.

Well He is going to get a real wake up in the letter I am going to spend the rest of today writing.

Please keep me in your prayers I am COMPLETELY confused and hurt in ways I hope none of you understand.

Tina

Hi Girls,

I got canceled from work last night. We only had 12 patients. A friend and I went and ate Chinese and went to Walmart. I live on the "edge". LOL

Tina...I know you are confused and angry about the ad. Sounds like he is as confused as you are and doesn't know what he wants. I know it is hard to ignore but let him have the ad. If he isn't good about writing you. He isn't going to write anyone else on a regular basis. And NO ONE deserves to be mistreated. Doug and I both were in very bad marriages the first go around. I was physically and mentally abused. He was married to a taker. You need to think about you and what you want. And you need to tell him how you feel. And pray. God has a plan and you need to look to God for guidance. But, you also need to do what is going to make you happy.

Have a great day.
Suzanne

Thanks Suzanne. I appreciate the advice. :-)


Tina

Hello Ladies,

Thought I would drop in since I havent posted much lately. Well as you all know I gave my lil bro an eviction notice, he has abut 2 weeks left. But on Saturday at 4am I got a phone call from the local police dept. It seems him and his girlfriend were outside fighting and the neigbors called the police saying they saw him dragging her by her hair. Of course she denied it. So the whole house was up b/c of that. She just had his baby and now all they do is fight. She's only 18 he's 25 but doesnt act it. I wish there was something I could do to get them out now.

When I went to see Daryl and told him he dropped his head down. It's all unnecessary drama that I dont need at my house. As for thing w/me and Daryl they are going ok. We've learned alot about each other through this whole wonderful experience. I'm going to see my sister this weekend and when I told him that he was upset b/c that means I cant go see him, yet I go every weekend. Then he started to question me b/c I'm going to MD for the weekend and my ex works up there so it was "are you really going to see your sister or are you going to see your ex?" I'm getting tired of him always thinking I'm not gonna stay by his side and be faithful. I know it's only b/c of this situation but it hurts soo much knowing that he thinks like that. I dont know what else I can say or what I can do to make him realize he's all I want need and desire. I tell him that ALL the time. His ex-wife cheated on him when he was locked up on 2000 but I keep telling him I'm not her. I guess I'll just have to keep dealing w/that until he comes home--whenever that is since it's been 10 months and still no release date. I love waiting on the DOC. I think check the BOP web site has become a new hobby.

Well ladies hope everyone is doing as well as can be expected. Enjoy your week

Ladies,

Wow, alot has been happening. I haven't posted for a while because I've been so busy. School ended and I went out of town (twice) and I'm starting a business out of my home. I was introduced to it by my sister-in-law, and after 5 months of thinking she was nuts, God "spoke" to me and Igot the message that this is my chance to change my situation. Nothing I'm doing now will change my financial situation and I don't want/can't work any kind of part time job because of the kids. I have a four year plan that involves my becoming financially independent (now I depend on his family to help) and also being able to provide David with an employment opportunity when he gets out. If nothing else, I'm too busy focusing on myself and today to worry about David not being here.

I've been reading the past posts, and there really is alot going on on this site. I have to echo Toni that this is hard enough without a bunch of mess from the men. As far as the guards and other administrative people giving wrong information, I have to remember that I, and David, are powerless over them. That is part of being incarcerated, I guess. They've got nothing but time so there aren't many emergencies in their eyes because the inmates are going anywhere. It sure can be frustrating.

If anyone is interested in more information on my business, email me at ceilfitz@cox.net. I would love to share it with you.

Ceil

Well, we're about to start a new month... it's getting so close for us... we're down to just a little over 4 months. I'm starting to get worried about things... Like what to expect when he comes home... will he and I have the same vision of how that day should be... The last thing I want is the day that I've been looking forward to for 3 years to be a huge disappointment. I'm afraid I'll over crowd him or if I give him space, I'm afraid I'll offend him as if I don't want to be near him... I'm seriously getting jitters over this... Maybe it's too soon to think about it... but for the first time in so long the end seems near and it actually feels like his coming home is going to be a reality. Has anyone here been through this before? (To be honest I kind of hope not, because that means you have had to deal with this in the past, and I wish this on no one). Anyone that has any advice I welcome it. I just want things to be smooth. It's going to be an adjustment for both of us. He has a son he's never been with... and has only met once. He'll have to form bonds with him, and I don't know how to make that easier for him. Isn't there counseling for this sort of thing? I don't know... I'm just nervous, someone talk me down from this ledge...
Christy

Hi Ladies,

Christy is so right, we are starting a new month. Time is passing until the love of our lives will be home.
Doug is still in confinement. He was told a week ago Wednesday, he would be out by last Friday. Well, it's Friday again and he is still in. I just try to look at it, that he is safe. And he is getting some attitude with me. (Thanks for the warning, Christy.) I just made a joke out of it. He keeps telling me how lonesome it is. I write him everyday.
Doug is such a "people person" and not interacting with anyone is hard for him.
Since he has time to himself, I told him he had to learn the words to "Rocky Top" before he can move to Tennessee. So I sent him the words. LOL And he has to sing it to me when I pick him up. LOL
Have A great weekend.
Suzanne

I hope everyone is doing well & hanging in there.
I posted about 2 weeks ago about the love of my life having to leave me for 18 months. We went into the court room on the 29th. I want to thank MYTH for the kind words and encouragement. I took him out camping and tried to go out and make as many fun memories as we could. It was really hard to not break down in front of him. We cried and fought but at court when they just called his name and took him so fast, I lost it. I had an anxiety attack and had a hard time leaving the building. I sat outside and felt like I would be ditching him if I left. I haven't heard from him yet. I miss him so much already and it hasn't even been 24hours. I don't know how I am going to deal with this for over a year. There's no doubt that I will be by his side, I just hate that I can't be in his arms for so long. I'm really glad I found this site before he went in. It really helps to know I am not alone & that others know how it feels to be on this end.
I do have a question though. I heard that he's going to be moved around from place to place..like county for a couple months then prison or something? I'm not sure how it works but how long does it take before he is able to get letters and visits? make calls? I'd appreciate the info help. I'm gonna start my 1st letter :)
take care ladies! God bless!
-k

Hi Karina. Is your man a Federal inmate? If not, what state is he caught up with?

Kenny spent about 5 months getting moved around; there was a 3 week stretch where i didn't know where he was and i didn't hear from him. Hopefully you'll hear something soon. if you have his register # or inmate #, send a money order so he can call without having to call collect. where to send it depends upon which jurisdiction has him.

you hang in there. kenny's been in over 15 motnhs, and what i'd give to have him away for only 3 more. you can do it.

Hey everybody... Hope everyone is doing well...
Karina,
Most places that I've dealt with during Quentin's bit have been really nice and have given me all the information I've ever asked for. Quentin has seriously been moved more times than I can count now. I swear... as a matter of fact we have a running joke that he's all "intaked out." But letters he'll always get, visits depend on where he is... call they'll tell ya everything you need to know... but make sure you ask about visiting rules and such as well. No sense in wasting a trip to see him to get turned away because you weren't wearing the right shoes... (some rules are pretty lame.) If he's state... (I've dealt with 3 states and all were the same so I'm only speaking from my experience with this... some states may be different and I hope to never find out :) More than likely if he was sentenced to a "prison" term (sometimes they can serve their sentence in county) ... then he'll only be in the offending county for a short time, then move to a "reception center" or an intake center... it's been called three different things in the three states I've dealt with. They then get classed and sent to an institution with an appropriate security level based on their sentence and their security risk. Some of this stuff seems like it takes forever, but soon he'll be setttled in where ever he's going and with an 18 month sentence I doubt that he'd be moved too much. They get moved if their security level changes or maybe for other reasons that have nothing to do with him. Joyce gives good advice... get money on his books so he can maybe get a calling card (although Quentin has been in three places now that do not even offer cards... the only way to get calls is either collect or by me setting up a pre-paid account.) But my best advice is to call the facility or jail where he is and ask questions... I've called dozens of times a day in the past. If I think of something I call and ask. And believe it or not, I've gotten to know certain guards at certain facilities and they are so nice and helpful. I've encountered my fair share of jerk faces... but for the most part everyone understands that your upset and sad and they know you just need answers and they oblige. So keep your chin up, I've managed to survive over 2 and a half years... If I can survive so can you, cuz I'm a mental basket case (LOL). Expect high and low mood swings from your man too, cuz he's about to have a huge adjustment to go through and I'm sure it's not pleasant. I'll be praying for you both so that you can relax and get through this. When you're really down ask God to be with you... He will and He'll get you through... Take care...
Christy

Hi Girls,
Well, Doug did not get out of Protective and there will be nothing done until after the holiday. I've gotten two letters tis week. He is trying to stay positive but is being "snippy" with me. Oh wee, he has to take it out on someone.

Karina, The day I left Doug at that courthouse was the hardest day of my life. Like you, I felt I was deserting him. He said it was the worst day of his life because he didn't know when he would see me again. I'm in Tennessee and he is incarcerated in Florida. But, thanks to God's blessing, they moved him to the closest facility to me. It's a 5 1/2 hour drive, I make once a month.

In the words of Christy, send love letters. But, also let him know that you are going through this, every step with him. He isn't the only one in prison. Everyone has a "come apart". The letter that you will regret sending. You will go through all the emotions of someone dying. But, feel very blessed that you can visit them, touch them, hug them, laugh with them and cry with them.
Hope this helps.
Suzanne

Thanks to everyone for the advice. SERIOUSLY, I felt so much better when I saw all of your comments. your men are very lucky to have such strong women with loving hearts.
I just found out that my phone company doesn't accept collect calls! I was so mad! Well, my man and I are in California and he was sentenced to state prison but he's in county right now. I am going to put money on his books first thing in the morning and go have the 15minute visit. I remember the visit at this same place in Feb. before I bailed him out. I hope it goes well. He sounds so sad. I just want to get out of this stage where i'm either crying, eating or sleeping. I really need to get back into handling all these bills and everything. He left a storage unit filled with crap i've gotta clean up. Is it selfish for me to feel kind of pissed at him for leaving me with this load to clean up? I know my poor baby must be going crazy in there but I keep wanting to vent to him about all the lawyer,bail & other fees i am stuck with. But I can't stress him out like that, right? It sounds so childish but can you believe he hung up on me over insecurity issues?! I FINALLY get to talk to him and he starts asking if i'm home alone and who have I talked to.. IS HE FOR REAL? like i could just forget him and start lookin for something else. I don't know if anyone has these immature insecurities w/ their loved ones but if so, what is a good way to reassure them? (i'm so embarrassed :P)
I have already told my man, Julio,about this site and how all of you have helped me deal with this. I think it helps him too, knowing that other couples have survived this.
well ladies, thanks again. You are all in my prayers! take care.
-karina

Karina,
I giggled when I read your post... not because it was funny... none of this is funny... but because I have dealt with these insecurity issues this entire bit. I thought I was the only one that had to deal with this crap. I've thought about it and I understood in the beginning when he first went in that he didn't think I'd stick with him... but now that two and a half years have gone by and I'm still here, raising his son, taking care of him and everything that he'd eventually realize that I'm not going to stray. However, lately he's tried to convince me that women usually cheat at the end of the bit... Now is HE for real???? LOL... I'm as equally embarrassed when he acts like this. I told him once that I'd tell him in every letter and in every phone call and in every visit that I'd never cheat on him if that is what it took for him to believe it, however, I'm kind of weary of telling him. But I understand their insecurities... they totally have NO control whatsoever over their family... I know how I feel when I get the feeling of being out of control. That's how they feel all the time. Now the one thing that I do sometimes remind myself of... I do feel bad for him for being in this current situation... BUT he did break the law and he did know his consequences so a certain part of me does get angry about this. So I think it's perfectly natural that you feel angry at him for leaving you to clean up "messes." But I'd give the same advice to someone whose partner isn't incarcerated... if there's nothing you can do to change the situation... there's no sense in arguing about it and certainly no sense in brow beating him over it. But you know what's funny? I told him about this site too... and now I regret telling him because he's going to be home soon and I don't want him to read my posts about him, not because I've said anything bad.. (I don't think I've ever said anything bad about him) but there are some things about this that I don't want him to know I've felt. Oh and I'm having issues with MCI, the phone company that bills for Ohio facilities. I've tried to set up an account with them since the beginning of June and they still claim they haven't received a copy of my phone bill. I've faxed it twice and mailed it once. So we haven't had phone calls since May. It's been hard to not hear his voice every day like I used to. Well I hope every one enjoys their holiday...
Take care,
Christy

hi,
i just found this site and i hope it works out for me. My husband got locked up for 3 years 2 months ago. I have no one to talk to and it feels like i have no reason to be here. If i did not have these kids i would not be here i would just leave, but i have to take care of me son and daughter. Sometimes i cant even read his letters without crying. My sisters think that im crazy for not cheating so i distance myself form them. I went everyday for the last 8 years wakeing up to him and now after only being married to him for 6 months he is gone out of my life and i dont know how to tell the kids. The bills are out of control and i need to make him feel like he did not fail us. I love him and he knows it i just dont know what or how im going to take care of this family. how have you guys got though this, why did this have to happen to me. I lied to hom and told him that I dont cry anymore. I'm just worried about him. Thank you for letting me vent please reply.

Othella,
This isn't an easy journey... everyone here will tell you that. There are many bumps in the road to face. Prayer is what has gotten me through. Something that may be some what encouraging is the fact that over two and a half years ago, I thought my fiance's 3 years would never end... we're down to four months. It's gone a lot faster than I ever imagined it would. But the only thing that can get you through is prayer. Trust in God and He'll see you through this. Definitely don't listen to your sisters, the guilt of cheating on the man you love would take you over. But I know exactly how rough it is to manage the family finances with the missing income. My man and I have a lot of children... I'm not exaggerating. It hasn't been easy. We've seen our fair share of utility shut offs and we've sacrificed a lot. But we've always gotten through it. I know it doesn't seem like there are any positives in this situation. But do your best to try to find something to give you a glimmer of hope. One thing for us has been the fact that we've learned how to communicate with each other and we've learned patience with one another. And seriously (though I imagine this is different for you two since you've had a long relationship) my boyfriend and I were still in a young relationship when he was incarcerated, and I would bet any amount of money we wouldn't have lasted if he hadn't gone because we would have never taken the time to get to know and appreciate each other the way we do now. I know the tears and I know the pain... but it doesn't last forever... they can take a man's freedom... but they can't stop time from passing. Hang in there and pray, the Lord will see you through. I'm praying for you...
Christy

Christy,
thank you so much for your mwssage. I needed to here that from somebody who has or is going through the same thing. I'm not going to cheat on my husband that was never a option but i just get sick of listening to my sisters. I hope that the time go by as fast as you say, i hope when he gets home to you that you guys make it. But anyways thank you for understanding i may need more words of encouragement so could you just please be there for me. I'll do the same for you even though your situation is just about over.
Thank you so much.
Othella

Well,
Christy thanks for the comment. Feels good to know that i'm not alone on that one. So you have 4 more months to go? WOW. You must be so excited. Did you and your fiance ever talk about getting married while he was in there?
Othella, I am kinda new to this site too. My man was all I had out here too. he is my best friend and we spent every day together. I know how lonely it feels without the love of your life. My man is sentenced to 3 years, as well. This site has already helped me SO much.(and my man just went in last week) I found this site a couple weeks before he went in & I knew it would be a big part of helping me get through this pain. It is hard to deal with having our men taken away from us. plus, no one really understanding how hard it is (sometimes family & friends). I think we are really lucky to have stumbled across this site. You and I both can learn from & find strength in these amazing women that are surviving this struggle.
-k

Happy Independence Day. Kind of ironic, eh?

Yeah, I have to echo the sentiments I've seen posted lately about friends, family, co-workers, neighbors: they just don't understand. Particularly about the family finances. Othella, welcome to the site. My sisters and I email just about everyday (3 of them and me). They're all happily married with great jobs and loving husbands who never got into any trouble. They can't understand why I don't just forget about Kenny. I won't because I can't.

Everywhere I look is something that reminds me of him. If he was in the service and got sent to Iraq for 3 or 4 years would people be pressuring me to move on? I don't think so. And more and more people keep getting locked up in this Free and Independent Country that people fought and died for.

I live near Philadelphia and last Friday I took myself on a field trip to the Eastern State Penitentiary. Horrendous. Absolutely horrendous. Men locked away for years and years in solitary confinement. They even hooded the prisoners when they moved them. No communication was allowed between prisoners. Let my post a link, if I can. I was appalled. And it was Quakers who came up with the whole idea. That's where the term "Penitentiary" came from: the Quakers thought this solitary confinment idea would make criminals penitent. It just made them crazy.

Prison sucks.

Joyce

http://www.easternstate.org/

http://www.missioncreep.com/mw/estate.html

Check those out. Totally scary. I was petrified on a summer day at noon. I cannot fathom that place on a winter day at midnight. But my son wants to go and check out whatever they do on Halloween at that place. Scare the Bejesus outta ya!

Joyce I checked out the links... pretty cool stuff. I could have spent hours on the page... plus there were some pretty cool links on that page as well. Thanks for posting them.
Yes, yes prison sure does suck. I'm pretty tired of it to tell the truth.
But like Joyce, every thing in my day reminds me of Quentin. I spend all day imagining life's little scenarios with him here. I'm sure I've made people think I'm an absolute lunatic because I drive down the road and have "conversations" with him... (Of course no one is really there :) But I think it's been somewhat therapeutic for me to do that.
Karina,
I am super excited yet nervous at the same time that the time is drawing near. We definitely talked about getting married while he was there. If his stay had been longer I'm sure we would have. But I had a stupid little courthouse wedding the first go around and I always dreamt of a big wedding and let's face it I wasn't exactly going to get my dream wedding in prison... so we decided patience was a virtue and we will be married in May of '07. I've already began planning and preparing. We have colors and some items bought... Still no dress and we are in debate about the location... but it's going to finally be a reality. And you are definitely never alone here... that's for sure... for me though I've only had this site for the last couple months... had I had something like this all along I know I'd had a much easier time coping with this... especially in the beginning.
Othella,
I will definitely do my best to be encouraging to you and everyone. I wish this on no one... not even my worst enemy. But I'm glad you found this site...
Well it's funny that Joyce mentioned how ironic it is to think of Independence Day... I was thinking about the irony of it last night... Well I hope everyone had a good day anyways... It's a stormy mess here... Well take care and you're all in my prayers...
Christy

Karina,
I could not agree with you more about learning things from this site. I wish i found it before he left like you but i was trying not to think about it now that is all i do, other than crying and being stressed out. Let me know if you need anything i dont know if you have support at home but i will give all i can. I dont know what it is but i feel a connection with everyone here and i usually stand back from things like this. Just let me know.
Christy,
I hope you get everything you want with the wedding. I have started planning mine with my husband already. We are going to renew our vows, that way I can have the big wedding like i wanted when he gets home. So have fun.
Joyce,
hi this will be the first time speaking to you but i went to that site. I could not look it was too scary for me but then again that the kind of person that i am. Hope to get to know you too.
Othella

hey one more thing,
can anyone tell me how vists work because i have not had one he is still in jackson getting classified right now. Dawon(my husband)said he wont be moved for anoth 2 weeks if not sooner. I just want to be ready for the visit. And what are the rules for sending them things-what can i send him.
thanks

well ladies...there has been a lot going on here...and lots of new..."faces" so to speak...welcome everyone...to the good and the bad of loving the incarcerated...I pray for each of you every evening...these are some of the hardest times of our lives...but there are lessons to be learned here...and believe it or not...blessings to be found if we are willing to look for them...

and Im sorry...but I really need to rant...and i know this is a safe place...and so many of you can relate...sometimes you just gotta blow off steam....

Ok...here I go...as if having my man taken away isnt enough...I got left with all the "stuff" he usually takes care of...can anyone relate to this? Two incomes down to one...and all the same bills to pay...(of course we all can)....oooh, the anger sometimes...I admit I get angry he left me with all this...even though I would never dream of telling him...he has enough on his thousand pound plate...

but I am feeling like the worlds biggest sucker...Im a soft-hearted idiot...I am definitely not my husband...our renter has seven kids and is pregnant with her eighth...she got behind on rent (of course only after my husband isnt around) She told me some hard luck story that she was waiting on some child support etc...and I see those little kids eyes...well...what do you do?...I let her go on the rent last month and told her to pay me as soon as she could...

well...then I get a phone bill...it was part of her lease that the phone was in our name...and in one month she ran up almost 600 in charges...when I ask her about it...she says it was one of the kids and she cant pay...so of course I shut the phone off....

so on the first she calls to tell me shes moved out..the keys are on the table...f* you cuz I turned the phone off ..she broke the lease...and owes me over 1200.00

Now,theres no renter in the house..the mortgage is due...the motorcycle payment...utilities etc...and she left the mess from hell in our rental....my husband is just going to be so upset if he finds any of this out...so I cant tell him...and I feel like the biggest failure in the world...or as if the good lord hasn't heard my prayers...like I'm still reaping out bad seeds...

I know in my heart God will somehow provide, if I stay strong, and keep the faith...So may I just ask anyone who's willing...to say a little prayer for me...to keep my sanity...and let go these awful...wrong...feelings I have inside toward another human being. I could sure use the extra thoughts and prayers... thank you so much for letting me vent today....and I hope everyone is finding some joy in the holiday...

Myth

Well... I bet you all can tell I've been quite bored the last couple days. Because of the holiday I've had the last three days off but no money to do crap... yep, I totally understand the one income coming in but three income worth of bills needing to go out....
Anyways... Myth, I will definitely say a prayer for you each day that your situation works out.. but I'm glad that you have the right attitude. With your faith you will find the means and all will be okay.
Othella,
You really need to call the facility he is going to because visiting rules and procedures are different everywhere. Some things remain the same.. as in make sure you have your ID... appropriate clothing... but visiting days and times vary from place to place... some places require reservations others go by the inmate number for the day you can visit on. But if you call the facility you will get all the answers you need. And I know for Ohio the standard visiting rules are posted on the website for the Department of Corrections and for each facility the days are listed. So that may help you... look up your state's site. Well Take care all... everyone is in my prayers... I'll say an extra prayer for you Myth... I hope it all works out.

HI My Name is Heather. I'm not sure If I am in the right page or not. I am looking for a support group or maybe just someone who is going through the same things as I am with the love of my life behind bars. We never got the chance to get married but my intention is to wait the 10 years out. You see we lived in Florida and I have since had to move back to PA witht he kids. They denied me visitation because they say I am victim/witness. My loved one did the unthinkable, something I always said before would be the end. But now that I am in this situation, my love for him is still there,if not stronger. I hope and pray that he comes out of this a better person. I whole heartedly belive in my love. We have two children together and 4 from past relationships. His kids aren't even allowed to see him. Because of the high price of collect calls I share 15 minutes a week with the kids and write endless letters. And how do I explain to our 4year old daughter that the cops have her Daddy and he can't come home even though he wants to. He says stuff like "Am I sure I can wait that long" and I know its just that place bringing him down. Although I did give him reason to doubt me once, and I try hard not to give him doubt ever again. We are more open now with eachother than we ever were. I won't lie I do go through times where I feel lonely and doubt myself, this is why I am seeking women that are going through the same as I am.
Thank you for your time, Heather

This is my first time and it's very hard... it sucks... i miss him so much and i'm trying to be really strong. He has 14 yrs all because he decided to take the advice of a friend. now all i want to do is find a way to get him home quicker... and see how and what he has to do...i miss him. he is the love of my life...

Heather&aireessz,
hi this would be my first week on here. It helps alot to know that your not the only one going through this. Maybe I went about it the wrong way with my kids but i told them that daddy had to move to his new job and we can write and visit soon. my husband just left two months ago. He will be gone 3 years and that shit hurts. If you need to talk just email me or speak out on here because it helps alot.
just ask alot of questions and they will help you out.

Hey ladies. This site is really helpful lemme tell u....I couldnt imagine going thru this with my boyfriend being locked down for da next 5 yrs but I believe that if all of you have gotten thru this far, then I can too.

My problem is that me and Brian have talked about getting married after he comes home, which is fine because I would love for us to start a life together, but one of his friends put him on to the privileges that married couples get so now he wants to get married while hes in there.

From what Ive heard (hes being sentenced to a state prison somewhere in NY) married couples are allowed to have sex and stay in a trailor home of some sort (Im not sure if anyone listens to 50 cent and is familiar with the "21 Questions" music video)overnight during the visitation.

Can anyone verify any truth in this???!!!!

The other reason I thinks he wants to get married while hes locked down is the fear that Im going to leave him (which isnt gonna happen)

I love him to death, even though our relationship has grown and I do have plans on marrying in the future, Im not too fond of the whole marriage in prison thing. I'll feel like a widow or something. And its bad enough my family doesnt approve of him as my boyfriend now, I can only IMAGINE the amt of bs I'll have to deal with from them when they find out I got married to him while he was in prison.....

Thanks for listening.

Hi Everyone,
Welcome to Prisondise. This is definatly a place to find support. There is always someone who understands. And someone that all of us can vent to. We are a family here.

Heather, I to am dealing with the Florida system. My husband went in 5 months ago over something he did not do. Because of Florida's onesided legal system, he had no choice but take the deal he was offered or go to trial. With the elder population in Florida, 90% of the time, they side with the accuser. And he was looking at 45 to 125yrs. The "victem" is now changing her story to deaf ears. We are on month 5 of a 39 month sentence. If I can help you, my e mail is lsstout1@juno.com

My husband is still in protective managment. It's been 21 days now. I am due to drive down for a visit this weekend. They keep telling us they are waiting on a PM release from the main office. He says he will not go back to isolation for something he didn't do.

This is day 7 of work for me. I wanted the OT. But, 7 12 hr. shifts is hard.

Hello Everyone,

Othella, I tried telling our 4year old Daddy had to stay in Florida to work and to help Grandma take care of Grandpa. Then Grandpa passed away and at the funeral my baby was very mad that he Daddy wasn't there. So then I had a sit down with her and explained to her that Daddy had to go into a time out and he's with the cops. Now when she sees the police cars driving around town she freaks out either thinking they are bringing Daddy home or they are gonna take Mommy too. Once while on the phone she told him she was mad at him cuz he was runnin around with the cops and not here playing with her. I just try and take it day by day and answer her the best I can when 4yo questions arrise. Steve has been in since January of 2004 He was arrested on my birthday.
Leisanne, I know what you mean about getting put in the "box" for something he didn't do. He was in Taylor for less than a week and the guards appraoched him to sign a paper saying he tested positive for weed. Steve don't smoke weed. HAHA and they beat him up repeatedly until he signed the paper. Couple months later it was he had too many sets of blues. They counted his coat that his morhter sent him the money to buy as a set of clothes go figure. I will e-mail you soon right now I am on my way to bed. I was awake entirely too late last night.
Suprisingly my family and friends let me complain about life this way. But they don't have a clue what its really like and how alone I feel. As for me waiting for him they say 10 years is a long time. One time while arguing with her husband my sister told me she was jealous of my relationship with Steve. I could go and do what I want and at the end of the day someone loves me. LOL
Feel free anyone anytime to e-mail me. heatherk74@icqmail.com, just please type in caps prisoners of love in the subject because any mail that is not on my contact list goes into junk. I don't know how to change it so I check junk often.
Thank you everyone for being here and knowing what I'm talking about. I wrote Steve and told him to spread the word.

Hello Ladies,

I need to vent. Daryl has been driving me crazy. Money at home still isnt right bills still arent right there getting there, he's been working in the prison making his whole big $0.35 an hour he doesnt get his 1st check until the 15th of this month I just sent him money about 2 weeks ago and now of course that's gone and when I went to see him Tuesday all he could do was ask me to send him more yet I dont have all the money for rent or my car note. I told him I would see what I can do, then of course I got the whole are you being faithful crap from him. I commute an hour to work sometimes it takes me 2 hours to get home then I have house work to do and by the time I'm done I'm so tired I go right to sleep when the hell would I have time to cheat?!!? His ex wife cheated on him when they were together and he was locked up then. I keep telling him I'm not her. What really burns me up is he knew then just like now that he was gong back to jail so he made sure she had over 5k until she could find work and hold down the house. She blew the money lost there house slept w/an ass load of other men and when he got out he knew all that and she filed for divorce b/f he came home and he still messed w/her when he came home.
We got together about a year later 8 months after that we knew he was going back to jail so he did nothig but party all the time and as for making sure I was ok b/f hand I got his last paycheck for 700 and 1/2 the money went to him. Yet he's gonna ask me all the time about me being faithful?!?!

AARRRGGG...the other thing he claims that the DOC is 6000 inmates behind in update paper work and b/c of the overcrowding there now giving 15 days credit for evry 30 days they serve...not 4.5 like the VA DOC's web site says...does anyone know what the hell he's talking about. He is always telling me about how things ar being changed but then it never happens I'm tired of getting my hopes up just to be let down again. So if anyone knows of any laws being changed or anything to that nature please let me know.

As usual thanks for listening to me vent

Hi Everyone,

I just had to share this with you all. I have had a horrible 2 days with the father of my older 3 kids. Steve wasn't due to call me until next week, because he used his call for this week to call on the 4th. Anyway I was sitting here crying feeling truly alone, mad at him for not being here. The phone rang, caller ID says it was worldcom whoohoo its Steve. He said something made him call. This happens quite often when I am really down and out like this. He calls when he isn't supposed to, but he don't call out of the blue when everything is happy. It makes me feel in these trying times that Steve and I are truly meant to be together, and thats the Lords way of telling me so.
Has anyone else had experiences like this?

lostlove, I know where you are coming from. I have enough money to barely cover the bills with 5 kids at home. and Steve gets his money from his mother since Florida don't pay their inmates anything, they get gain time. But anyway he still makes comments that I could send him money. He makes me feel guilty because I can't send him the money, if I do something isn't getting paid or diapers aren't getting bought. Yet everyonce in awhile he will send me a money slip telling me not to use it but keep it just in case. And he is forever asking me if I am sure I will be there when he gets out. As if I don't have enough self doubt he has to add to it. I snapped on him once and told him not to bother calling if he was going to make me feel like crap for not being able to provide for him. I try to let it go in one ear and out the other, but sometimes its hard.

Now that I have found this site I find myself checking this as much as I check my e-mail. Thank you everyone for being here.
Heather

Hi Girls,
It is a universal sucky day it seem. Doug is still in confinement. As I said before, we were told he would be out 2 weeks ago. Today was the first day I called this week. I was told that the person from Talahassee, that give the release to dorm order, was due there yesterday. They didn't show up. She would e mail them to find out when they are coming. And I should call back tomorrow. What really bites is I am not off another weekend until August 4th. And I can afford to take off because of the bills.
Doug is so angry and depressed. His letters are ugly.
Thanks for listening.
Suzanne

Hey ladies...
Wow... I've been kind of quiet lately because I've been searching and praying that the Lord provide me with some ecouraging words for everyone and to spread some cheer.
Well... I didn't really come up with anything profound... sorry... But I totally can relate to a lot of what's been posted.
Heather,
I totally believe in "God Sent" love... and it sounds like you have it. I swear on all that is good in this world the same very thing happens often with Quentin and I. I have so many stories... almost three years of them... some of them very powerful, and some that could seem just coincidental... but yet still some that are inarguably caused by the hand of God. Little story: When Quentin moved to the facility he is in now, he was allowed to receive a food box and a sundry box. Well I went to great lengths to follow the rules and to get him a box that was at it's maximum weight and capacity so that he could get the most from it. Well, if I had screwed up it would have been sent back and that would have counted as his box and there wouldn't have been a second chance at it. (He's allowed a total of three... but it is a total of a 6 month bit so a wasted box would have screwed him towards the end... every one following me so far?) Okay so the day I'm about to send it... mind you Quentin had been writing daily to hound me to get it to him because when he was in the "hole" for almost two months he was basically starved and lost mass weight... the money he had on the books that transferred wasn't gonna follow for 21 days... blah blah blah... the strifes of that CRC episode are endless... anyways, I was stressed because he was hungry and had no money, nor did I have it to send... (which by the way ladies, I made it perfectly clear that there would be no arguments about money from day 1... he gets what I can send, and he has to trust that I do the best I can for him and I promise we've never had this issue... I won't allow it... I have three kids and one income and I'm a full time college student... I stretch myself way thin.) okay I digress again, I was going out of my mind reading the rules, packing the box, itemizing like it said to... yet no where did it tell me to make an inventory list on the outside of the box. If I had sent that box without it, they wouldn't have accepted it and that would have meant 1 box down. I didn't have the money to do it again. So I sat here and prayed and prayed that the Lord make sure I do this correctly because I knew Quentin needed what was inside this f***ing box... Well let me throw in one minor detail... I only have a cell phone and the state of Ohio prohibits collect calls from a facility to a cell phone... But as I sat here, literally right where I am right now, I had my head down, hands folded asking God to help me get this to him, and my phone rang... yes at that very moment it rang... it was a direct call from Quentin... DIRECT... almost three years... half a dozen facilities... never a direct call. His counselor let him call me... Now let me tell you, without that call, without Quentin's instructions he wouldn't have received that box. Tell me God isn't working for us... Does that seem petty??? Maybe it's not a life saving miracle... but it's what we needed and what I asked for at that moment and God came through for us. But seriously, I'll ask Quentin questions in a letter and at the same time he'll be answering them... I mean clearly before he reads my questions... it's like he's completely intune to my thoughts. We don't have phone calls right now... but when we did, it was like that... he called sometimes when he wasn't really "due" to and it would happen to be "perfect" timing. I know it happens... and just like you, I know because of these "signs" our love is of God and is totally meant to be. So you asked does anyone else experience this? Without a doubt I do... and I'm glad you do too. Oh and by the way, 4 months to go of a three year bit and I still get asked if I'm sure I am going to stick this out... Now I say, isn't it a little late to turn back now??? The insecurities of their position must be excrutiating. Sometimes I empathize other times though, I admit, I get mad as hell that he doubts me after all I've gone through for him... But he's the man I love, the man I'm going to marry... Well, I totally hope that tomorrow every one here has the best day they've had in a long long time. I'll pray for it... Suzanne, I'm going to email ya tomorrow... I'm up way past my bed time, but I had to check the site... it's addictive... Take care all..
Christy

It's amazing the things that happen to all of us. I can write Doug a letter and it will cross in the mail with the answers to the things I've asked.
My Turn A Story.
Doug made friends with a guy that has been a great friend to him since he has been in. This guy wanted a penpal. A friend of mine had asked about writing someone so we hooked them up. My friend was telling me about Dale wanting her to spray cologne on the letters. Neither of us have a lot of money so we went to a department store and got sample cards of cologne and put in boxes of envelopes. I even put some in my box of envelopes. Dale told Doug about Rie spraying his mail. So I get this letter about Dale and Rie only being penpals and why didn't his letter smell like Eternity. The day before, I had mailed a letter that was sented. As a joke, I mailed and envelope with a note that said "Sniff".
Ladies, I am off work until Monday. ANd I hope to see my husband. Have a great weekend.
Suzanne

Heather,

I know what you mean about trying to let it go in one ear and out the other...I've been trying to do that for 10 months and it doesnt seem to get any easier...But things for me are starting to look up again I have a friend who needs a place to stay for the next 6 months so he's paying me $600 a month to rent a room from me so at least now I know the rent will always be paid...now if I can figure out what to do about all the other bills with my best friend and her man staying w/me what they all give me covers the rent..small blessings but now all I really want is Daryl to be home. Sometimes I'm glad this happened b/c it forced us to get to know each other better but in the same sense I truly feel lost with out him.

I hope what he was telling me about the DOC in VA changing the good time is true cuz at least then he might be home sooner.

I agree with everyone else sometimes if it wasnt for this site I would truly loose my mind

Enjoy your weekend

Hello all!

I live in New Jersey and my man has been incarcarated for almost a year now. AND let me tell you this, this is the hardest time. We have been together for almost 10 years. Well he got a 3 flat and went to see parole in May '06 and they gave him a 12 month hit because his previous record. They mandated that he take a class and now he is finished with the class, so he goes to see parole again in October (6 months later). Does anyone know whether it is at all possible for them to set him free or make him sit until his parole eligibility date which is May '07. I do know that they will allow him to go to a halfway house, but just not sure if it may be possible for him to come home.

hello everyone.,
well i guess its my turn to scream and yell. things around here has been rough and thats putting it in nice terms.my sisters jacked off her half of the rent and now i dont know what to do. I can not tell my husband because he was afarid that this would happen. I swear this girl is getting on my nerves acting like this is not a problem. So whenever i talk to Dawon i act like every thing is fine and im bout ready to lie down and die.Me and my kids really deserve better then this and i has no clue as to how to make it happen.
thanks for listening.

othella, just pray. He knows the answers. one way or another, things work out. we all might need a roommate, but no one needs a roommate who doesn't pay their share.

welcome tee.

this "Bureau of Federal Prisondise" way of life is so different from any state or county bit. there's NO PAROLE. there's no PROBATION (they do have "supervised release" but that's AFTER your sentence.) There's no conjugal visits. there's no "goodie boxes."

the federal prisons are jammed and getting moreso every week. i've tracked the population in the Federal System since Kenny went in 15 months ago, and it's gone from 187,000 to almost 191,000 in just those 15 months. it goes up EVERY month.

his "job" as a welder keeps him very busy. he's at a satellite camp, which is basically slave labor that keeps the higher security (and higher population) "medium" facility up and running. at the Medium, there's like 1500 men where there should only be 750, so they're 2 to a cell that should house one. don't you know, Kenny's new job is to weld new beds so they can put THREE men in each cell at the medium?

i know no one has time, but you should try to read a little about the Governator and the state of california. they've got major issues with their prison problems. the whole situation is out of control and about to implode.

i'll post a link about a recent study (not related to Cali and it's malfunctions) that had me scratching my head ... this country is almost unfixable.

sigh....have a nice weekend....hopefully sunday i get to see kenny since i heard the lockdown is done.

i'm reduced to using language like "lockdown" and "sentence" and "inmate" and "felon" like they're a usual part of my vocabulary. NO ONE in my family ever "did time." i hear myself saying things like "doing this bit" and it just ISN'T something this middle-aged "Betty Crocker Type" would even have understood 5 years ago.

Prison sucks.

Joyce

http://www.prisoncommission.org/pdfs/prison_commmission_summary.pdf

http://www.prisoncommission.org/pdfs/prison_commission_commonly_asked_questions.pdf

http://www.prisoncommission.org/pdfs/2006-06-08_press-statement.pdf

WHAT HAPPENS IN PRISON DOESN'T STAY IN PRISON

prison sucks

Joyce

“A Federal Judge in California has said that there is one preventable death every 6 or 7 days in the California prison system as a result of inadequate medical care.”

This came out of the FAQ link above.

I’m appalled at the costs involved in this whole human tragedy. For me and Kenny personally, for all of you girls here and your families, and inmates and families of the 2.2 million Americans behind bars this fair summer night.

How can this be fixed?

guess what? prison sucks!!!! J

Hi Everyone,
Wow today was once crazy day. I had to do my monthly grocery shopping and therefore needed a sitter for my gang and the two I babysit for some extra cash. Anyway the girl stayed ALL DAY with her two kids, so that totally gave up nap time, dinner was crazy.
Steve's Mom popped in during all of this to take our 4yo home for the night. His Mom didn't even come in the house but I was so embarrased because the house was such a disaster area. So as soon as the house cleared out I can't believe now that I said the words. But I told my kids "tomorrow we are so on lockdown until this place is cleaned up." I am with you Joyce, Steve is the only one I've ever known to go to jail. And like I used to say too much I'm gonna whoop you like a red headed step child, until I got a red headed step child so that phrase was taken out of my vocabulary. And now I can't say "Wow they cuffed and stuffed" that dude. So as not to make anyone around me uncomfortable. The red headed step child was the worst thing I had to cut out though. So I added a couple got rid of a couple phrases from my vocab. LOL
I hope you all have a nice weekend. I will be checking in to see what everyone is up to. I have no life just writing my honey and takin care of my babies.

hey everyone...thanks to everyone who has had a kind word and an extra prayer... God bless you all.

I have been working so hard...Im a full time college student...full time manager...and with the damage my renter has done...a full time laborer for the last few days...I was soooo excited today when I found what seems to be the perfect renters...and they are even willing to clean up some of the debris left by the previous tenant who trashed the place...they are good people...so my prayers were answered...put much too simply....God is good...

There is another issue with a vehicle...I have one and cannot afford to pay for the other...so I worked out a deal with one of my son's friends...so that payment will be made and our credit saved at least for the time being....hey, its looking even better...I was feeling pretty darn great...and blessed...

But, then, my hubby calls...I guess Im stupid...I think I've done so well..and he will be proud of me...so I decided to just give him the whole scoop...I have never lied to him....

hmmmm...guess what?...he didnt see any of this as a good thing. In fact, for the first time ever, he yelled at me. He was furious and I am mystified. He starts telling me what I will and won't do ...who can and cannot have what...and my special fifteen minutes turns into a huge fight...

and I am soooo angry...here I am doing everything I can out here to keep things the same...to not loose anymore of our things than a vehicle...I am overworked and exhausted...and I have done the best I can and relied on the good Lord to see me through...maybe it isn't as good as he could have done...but hes not out here now is he? I am still in shock...we've never been anything but kind and understanding with each other...and now this...I guess I am hurt more than anything....and trying to figure out the lesson here...

Is this that stupid button thing?

Myth

Hi Everyone,

Myth, I had one of them fifteen minute fights with Steve, maybe this is the case with your hubby too. He called back the next day and apologised. Said he was deeply sorry, its the stress he's under not being here to be able to do everything he can to "protect me" from stress. Steve always gets mad when I am faced with dealing with something he should be here to do and it turns into a 15 minute fight. It don't happen often but when it does I feel like WTF. Once I hung up on his said I'm not wasting his Mom's money on a fight. Since she's the one who pays for the calls because I can't. Good Luck and I will say an extra prayer for you.
I am going through one of my sleepless nights, they happen more often than I care to admit. Its still hard after all this time getting in that bed knowing Steve's not there.
Hope everyone is having a great weekend.
:o)~Heather

Well Ladies,
Tomorrow is Visit Day. I definitely can't wait to see him. But yesterday I got a letter and it was a brief, "Are you okay, I'm worried to death about you?" Apparently he hasn't been receiving mail from me for more than a week and since I've written him just about every mailing day of the year consistently forever, I think I would be worried too if a week went by with no mail. But the thing of it is, I didn't stop mailing. I mail one letter a day, every day that the mail runs. So yeah, I missed the fourth last week... but that isn't even one of the letters that should have been there. I can't figure out why in the heck he didn't get mail for so long. I knew that there would be a break in it for a day because of the holiday, but no reason for a whole week. So, I'm wondering, out of 2 1/2 years this has never happened... but he's only been at this facility for 3 or 4 weeks maybe... is there a reason why they would hold an inmates mail from a certain individual... of course there was nothing "wrong" with my letter or it's contents... It just doesn't make sense. I can't find out until tomorrow though, because nobody who can answer any questions of any substance works except on Monday, Thursday and Friday. It always baffles me when I call and no one there knows anything about anything to do with inmate rules and such... But whatever. I just know he's bouncing off the walls if he still hasn't gotten any of my mail... It was the 5th that he wrote concerned so he still had Thursday and Friday to maybe get some of the mail. Maybe it's all okay and he received a few letters on the same day. I just hate the not knowing what's going on... I have all sorts of crazy thoughts of what could be going on in my head... There isn't any reason why they'd be allowed to keep an inmate from their mail... is there???? Even when he was in the "hole" he still got all of his mail. I don't understand. Well at least I'll see him tomorrow and this will all be cleared up. I'm just beside myself though, because he even wrote my best friend and asked her to contact him and let him know because he was worried. I called Friday and finally MCI received the necessary info to set up an account for phone calls from the facility, except I was flat broke and wasn't able to deposit money into the bank till Saturday so I couldn't pay the required deposit to get the account actually going. So I went 30 miles out of my way yesterday after work to a bank branch that was open past 1 so I could deposit and call. All day I looked forward to a phone call last evening. But guess what... MCI is closed on Saturdays and Sundays so I couldn't pay the deposit... so still no phone. And then when I got home, I got his letter and that made matters worse. Sometimes it makes ya wonder if there is some "reason from above" that things like this happen. Well, I am asking everyone to just say a little prayer for us so that we may have a great visit and both of us can relax and stop stressing so much about the small stuff. I've got everyone here in my prayers daily. I pray that we all can be safe and find happiness somewhere so that our "time" can pass with ease.
Take care all,
Christy

Christy, I've said an extra little prayer for you. A lot of stress, but looks like everything is coming together. I don't know about the mail thing though. My letters always seem to get through even if he gets three or four in one day, but his letters to me sometimes never arrive. He tells me he's sent this or that...and they just never come. He says its the mail person where he is at. He thinks one packet for me is still sitting with her three weeks later....I believe it. Ive talked to her...but I hope you can relax, and as hard as it is, they say don't sweat the small stuff, cuz if you do, the big stuff will cause you to pass out! Good luck with your visit, it will be great, and enjoy that blessing, just being together! I envy you, I still havent gotten a visit...its going on five months since I've seen his precious face...

And Heather....
Thanks for the thoughts and prayers...thanks to everyone...but, what you said makes sense. I have a different perspective now and I can let go some of the hurt. I hope thats all this is...his frustration with not being able to take care of things for me like he used to...and I know what you mean about the sleepless nights...Im so used to him being there...every night just seems so wrong....BTW, my hubby is a Steve too :)

Take care everyone and have a blessed day!

Myth

Hello Ladies,
Today there was a little extra pep in my step and the sun was a bit brighter in my world. I woke out of a beautiful dream of a time from when steve and I were together, to the phone ringing. My e