Hi,i would love to here from anyone else out there on how they deal with the stress im having a tough time .Sharon i read your post and my heart goes out to you . I can understand that people would not get you at this time they just dont realize that sometimes the heart wants what the heart wants even when it might seem strange to others and maybe even to yourself . I will pray for you .Anyways again id love to here from someone who might understand the toll this takes on the ones left behind, you know emotionaly , money wise (i have no idea how i am going to make it ) , well you all know . I hope to see more posts soon.

Take Care and God Bless , Beth

I can totally relate to the stress you are feeling. It is almost too hard just to make it through the day. I'm so sad and lonely and scared at how I will hold our family together until my husband comes home. Financially I have no idea how I will survive, emotionally I am just a mess. Trying to take care of my 2 children and keep them strong is so hard, Especially my 4 year old son who doesn't understand whre daddy is and why he had to all of a sudden go to preschool when he was able to stay at home with mommy. My 11 year old daughter is a daddy's girl who just adores her father and is having a horrible time not seeing him. My husband has been in prison for 10 months but if feels like 10 years. The affects this is taking on our family is a horrible thing to see. We used be called "the happy family", but now my childre and I are not even close to being happy. I hope someone reads this and writes me back, I sure could use a friend I'm so lost.

Hi Karen,
I dont know how to make anything better for you. I have been trying to figure things out myself. My situation is a little different b/c my honey is a lifer. The worst part is that he is 100% INNOCENT! I can't see the end of this suffering for a long time, if at all. I love him so so so much. None of this is fair.
At least we have a place like this to talk to others that can understand our pain. I'm glad I found this website. It helps a little. :)

Hi ~B~ I wish I knew how long my hubby's sentence is going to be. They can let him go in a few years or keep him forever. It's all up to the shrink. We can't even appeal because his case is now a medical matter not under control of the court. The judicial system locked him up, then they washed their hands of us. Nothing's fair about the way it was handled. He's lonely, angry and depressed. He only sees the doctor once each month for a half hour. He doesn't have any confidence in her. She told him this is her first job. Our future depends on what she thinks and she's so young and inexperienced.

Oh man Donna, That really sucks. Sometimes I don't know what people are thinking! What do they think he is, a guiney pig?? His fate should not be determined by someone with no experience to handle that type of thing! Geez! Our system is messed up!
I can totally relate though. My boyfriend was represented by a court appointed attorney who didn't know his ass from a hole in the ground. He had 3 major cases in his career and lost them ALL!
He didnt even fight for him. He said to my boyfrinds MOTHER..."I am not getting paid enough to represent him properly, I am only doing it as a favor to the judge." Can you believe THAT CRAP??
They dont seem to realize that they are playing with peoples LIVES!

Donna the fact that his pyschiatrist is new to the field could very much be in your favor. I know most young people in that profession still really have their ideals and goals to help and save people while alot of more expieienced people have become jaded to the needs of others and have forgoten they are there to help. I hope this is the case in your case

Hi ~B~ The shrink and your boyfriend’s PD probably have a lot in common. Low paying first jobs fresh out of school, trying to learn what they’re doing while doing it. Not good for those they “serve.” Sorry as the situation is, we all have to start someplace professionally. Have you thought about getting a REAL lawyer to look at the case? It seems you might have grounds for an appeal based on inadequate representation. “Playing with people’s lives” is precisely what the system does best. I think about that so often! They’re playing with my hubby’s life, mine and our familys’ and nobody gives a damn. Our loved ones are just fodder for the system and we’re not even factored into the equation.

Hi Anon, I hope you’re right about her not glazing over working in our favor. Something he mentioned about her bothers me even more than her inexperience. He said she acts seductive. She wears her blouse open too far, short skirts, lace underwear, lots of perfume and sits so he can get a good look. I don’t know if she’s that way with everyone but I don’t like it one damned bit.

Donna
Does not sound very professional at all. I hope we are both right that she will really try to help him. I know other young professionals who dress someone"sluttly" in my opion but not in that setting. I will pray for you that she uses her schooling and will do her best to serve your hubby and your best interest. Hang in there.

Hi Anon, I don’t have anything against dressing a little sexy under the proper circumstances but she goes too far. It bothers my hubby and he’s not totally deprived. It must drive other men who don’t have conjugal visits absolutely crazy. I’m going to ask him to tell me after each visit what sort of things she discusses with him. I’m no shrink but I want to know where she’s going with her sessions.

I agree maybe you can help to determine her motives??? Of course it is not like we have any power to change things which really sucks. hang in there and good luck.

Hi Anon, I definitely need to try to figure out where she's coming from. Maybe I'll feel better about her if I gain confidence in her as a therapist instead of thinking about her as an oversexed little twit.

I agree it is a shame there is nothing we can do. I personally am a therapist and I get very frustrated at the lack of actual therapy I see, as well as at my lack of a chance to change things. Hopefully when my husband comes home I will be able to start a counseling service for those in our positions as well as an outreach for prisoners. Hang in there maybe she will leave and he will get a better therapist. :)

Hi Anon, Nothing bothers me more than my feeling of complete helplessness. I can't help him. I can't help myself. I try to keep in mind that I must control how I react to situations I can't control. It's hard not to scream at the idiots sometimes! I think no therapist at all would be better than what he's stuck with. I haven't talked with the other wives about my feelings but I think I should. Maybe I can gain some insight from their experiences and perceptions.

that is a good idea. It would be nice if all institutions would be wise enough to allow a space for family support groups or even for families to jsut be together to vent.

Hi Anon, I'm not sure I'd want to discuss sensitive things at the facility. I wouldn't feel comfortable talking there and I doubt others would feel free to share their thoughts when we might be eavesdropped on by the authorities. Perhaps I'm getting a bit paranoid?

I would not advise divulging secrets but it would be nice to have an area to be th others in the same boat instead of sitting in a waiting room with guards staring at you

Hi Anon, I'm going to get going for our Christmas visit in a few minutes. I'm happy that I'll be able to spend the extra time with him and enjoy a meal together - however poor the food. I wish we had a little room away from the guards where we could talk privately but I wouldn't trust the place not to have TV cameras and microphones hidden to spy on us. Maybe I'm paranoid but I feel like they're always watching us even when we're having a conjugal and the rules state that our "privacy will be maintained, consistent with security" whatever that means.

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