I am also involved with someone in prison. My husband has been held in a Texas State Prison for the past four years, and he recieves his first chance for parole in 2005. I have gone through alot fo anger pain and I have suffered severely. Yes being involved with someone in prison is a verry tough obsticle in life. But I admire you for staying by your loved ones side. You just have to keep your head up and stay strong and as positive as possible for the both of you. Take it one day at a time. I have spent my whole life sticking by my husband's side, and I couldn't imagine not having his love to live off of. Love is a verry special feeling, don't ever let it go even when times get rough.

I will pray for each and every one of you. Just remember to stay strong, and take it one day at a time. If there is a time when you get discouraged, I am just an e-mail away.
Good Luck to you all.
Sarah
singram@ibe-usa.com

Hi my nane is Crystal Iam 19 years old and I also have aloved one in prison. My boyfriend, and I have been by his side for 2 years and it is very hard for me because my parents are so against it and it sometimes drives me crazy I get so Depressed and stress out just by him being gone and with them constantly reminding me of their opinion it doesn't help much. I miss him so much All I do is cry. So I understand how each and everyone of u must feel. But we must always remember we are not the only ones going through this. We'll be alright.

I am also involved with someone in a Texas prison, I am 28 years old and have been reuinted with my first love from when i was 16 years old. He says we have played cat and mouse games for 12 years and now I have finally given in to his love, and I have. Ever since we were 16 years I knew this man was the one, but we were young. Well anyhow as the years went by I got married and had a family got divorced, lost my mother to cancer. He has always been there for me, loved me and cared enough to stick by my side. Well 5 years ago he got 80 years to life, and has done 5 years already. I am not sure how long he will be there might be forever, I am not aware of his case I want to educate myself on it.Well for 5 years I did not know where he was sent. It was a difficult thing to deal with that I couldnt face the fact that this man who was there for me was gone. I was selfish. I have grown up and I realize that I love this man he is my soul mate, and I want to stand by him the way he stood by me all those years. I want to spend the rest of my life helping him deal with this. He says he is inoccent and I belive him. I got to see him for the first time Yesterday and i Cried the whole way home. He is truly a good man, always has always will be. I dont know much about what to send, or anything about this. Hope to hear from anyone who is going through this

Hi to you all
I too am involved with someone in the texas prison system. Like you Sarah my other half comes up for parole in 2005 for the first time. So its an anxious time trying to make sure we do everything to maximise his chances of making it.
I have two kids and keeping going sometimes is hard but our love gets us through. Any one ever need a chat just email me.
take care kay

hello,
This is so hard for me, I have a daughter in the prison system and I feel so alone sometimes even though I have 3 other children and I must keep going for them. I do have a supportive spouse, and this certainly does help. I see her about 2x a month, the drive is a 4 hour drive for us, sometimes her sister comes, and her father. We support her 100 percent in all the ways we can. She is so young and I honestly feel she will make it okay. I will continue my letters my visits and
all that I can be for her. The hurt doesnt go away
I miss her and pray shell be home. I cant tell how much this means to me to share this with you.
keep strong, take care bbray

Hello bbray,
Email me at cellermom@yahoo.com
Or go to the bottem of this page where it has little icons that say Topics, last day, last week ,Tree view, etc. Click on last week and you can find the latest posts, you will find out where everyone is and what they are talking about. Take care.
Kim

Hello Kim,
Hope you get this message, sorry you feel so alone wish the situation was differant and you did not have to face this without some support, for what its worth, I said a prayer for your son and for you as well. Hope to talk with you later.
bbray

Thank you bbray.
Peace,
Kim

HELLO Kim,
You and this site have given been a boost, I have been so blue lately, that happens a lot and I know why. I wanted to tell you the trial part has got to be the worst thing for you, I mean you do not know the fate of your son, what are they going to do with him, not knowing what is going to happen is the worst I think, and I know being so far away from him must be so devastating for you. Kim sometimes I think that when our family members dont want to talk about what is happening to their son or daughter, or they act like they dont care I believe this is their own way of coping with the situation. I use to always cry and thats all I would talk about was fate, and what was I going to do? I was pretty pathetic and I realized no one wanted to be around me at home. But I never stopped writing her, I never stopped visiting her, I never stopped loving her. Her father told me one day "I dont want to his this right now I dont have time." This hurt so bad when her own father told me this. So I decided to stop my inner most feelings and I started to say things out of the clear blue skys, something like, we would all be sitting around eating ice cream and I would say,"gosh do you remeber that time your sister ate so much of that pecan chocolate blue bell we had to help her to the chair in the living room."? We all laughed so hard because at the time it was so funny. I have 3 other children an 18 yr. old girl, and 11 and 4 year old boy, she writes them letters, and they write her back, I get to send her countless pictures of all of us, I keep her picutre up on the entertainment center, and picture on our bedroom wall, I sent x-mas cards this past x-mas with her name as well, I tell people when Iam going to visit her, I keep her alive, I keep her name around our house, but I now try real hard to keep it in a happy manner, they love her, they remember how important she was to us and how much they love her also. I dont know Kim this seemed to help me and my household a bit, but my sadness is still there, and way down hidden now, somewhere private were no one can see but this site, I can be sad, feel lousy, feel lost, feel scared right here, for that Iam thankful, thankful for the online community, and thank you Kim for listening. I wish you did not have to go to his trial alone, but this is what you have to do, you have to be there for him, you must continue to be brave and be strong, this is such madness we are going through, maybe the postponing of his case is a good thing, lets hope, I will pray that it is. I have never talked to anyone like this before, but for all the mothers out there god bless you, and never stop the hope, its alive.
take care KIM
bbray.

Thank you again bbray,
I am pretty pathetic sometimes. I too have learned to use this site to whine and cry but also to be uplifted by all the others who come here. I am encouraged.
Thanks for just knowing I'm here.
Take care, Kim

TODAY IS MY FIRST TIME ON THIS SITE. I NEVER KNEW SOMETHING LIKE THIS WOULD EXIST BUT IT DOES AND THAT'S A GOOD THING. I READ MOST OF THE STORIES ON THIS WEBSITE AND I'M GLAD THAT MOST OF THE FEMALES CAN BE OPEN AND HONEST.
SO LET ME INTRODUCE MYSELF. I CALL MYSELF BONNIE AND I'M FROM NEW JERSEY. THE LOVE OF MY LIFE WHO I CALL CLYDE HAS BEEN INCARCERATED FOR 2 YEARS ALREADY. WE HAVE BEEN TOGETHER FOR 7 YEARS AND WE ARE MADLY IN LOVE WITH EACH OTHER. IT'S BEEN RUFF SINCE HE HAS BEEN GONE BUT I'M MAINTAINING AND SO IS HE. WE JUST TAKE ONE DAY AT A TIME AND ALWAYS KEEP OUR FAITH STRONG. RIGHT ABOUT NOW HE HAS NO MINIMUM SENTENCE BUT HIS MAX IS 7 YEARS. WE ARE JUST PRAYING THAT HE CAN GET AN APPEAL SOON SO HE CAN COME HOME SOONER THAN HE IS SUPPOSE TOO. BUT THINGS WILL WORK OUT IN DO TIME. WE BOTH KNOW THAT WE ARE ON THE LORDS TIME AND WHEN HE IS READY TO MAKE A MOVE WE WILL EXCEPT WHATEVER HE GIVES US.
SO LADIES NEVER GIVE UP AND ALWAYS KEEP YOUR FAITH STRONG. IF YOU LOVE YOUR MAN STAY BY HIS SIDE B/C THROUGH THESE ROUGH TIMES HE NEEDS YOU MORE THAN EVER.

I feel a little strange, but i want to at least say that this site helps a little. my situation is somewhat different then most. i was forced to leave home at a young age; a rather poor homelife. i wasn't a bad kid, but i wasn't a good kid. i fended for myself for as long as i can remember. by the time i was seventeen i was far too deep in the torrents of addiction to know very much. i was a street punk i guess, i always held two to three legitimate jobs as a carpenter, technician or mechanic; at night i lived a wild life here in new york. i was a full blown junky, so was the woman that changed my life.
i met her by accident one day she wasn't doing so well and i carryed her home; i feared that if i left her unatended something would happen to her. she is the most beautiful creature i have ever come across in my short life. a swedish girl that got side-tracked on her travels, and marooned in the lower west side; could be worse.
shortly after that night we became friends, which bloomed into the most incredible thing i have ever experienced. we spent a year and a half togrether, unseperable, we wound up spending months getting clean and changing our lives: we lived for each other. she let me see ME for the first time. we tried very hard to get clean; get married and start a new life abroad but we never made it. my criminal past caught up with me fast; her legal status threw a monkey wrench in the works. we wound up spending the last three months pennyless broke, homeless, and really on the run. it broke our hearts but living on grates and wrapped in our extra clothes in the snow, starving, none of that seemed to be more than a temporary obstacle, nothing was too difficult, nothing was painful as long as we were close enough to each other, as long as we knew where each other was.
things caught up with us real fast in the end, we saved up a little bit of money, enough to get one of us to sweden, i went to a detox program to avoid the long arm of the law and she was going home, directly into a detox. we hadn't much of an addiction at that point anyway.
life is never that easy, detox didn't grant me amnisty, she got picked up by customes, we lost contact for the next eight months, i saw her two more times in the following year before life dealt a twist that i never saw coming.
i was led to believe by certain officials and friends that she was dead, andf i had to finnish a mandatory 15 month treatment. i knew she wasn't dead but in a year and a half, i never knew how to spell or pronounce her last name nor her foster name nor which omne was which. i spent eight years looking for her, eight long years. one day i stummbled onto a site that tracked down inmates and i ran all the names i had as a fluke and there she was in a federal detention center not more than a few miles from my house.
we have been in contact via phone and mail for 7 months now. she has been in a fed lock-up for just over four years. i cannot see her as of yet i have to try and get special permission because of my addolesent criminal reccord. i went through all kinds of fears, and doubts, and thoughts that she was coning me or lying to me, but we have been peicing things together slowly and we have been sending all kinds of irrifutable, incontrovertable proof to each other that we have both been looking for each other. she told me she, at one point had tracked my phone number, pre-incarseration, and felt to guilty to call because she was still using and i was clean. i sobered up for myself and for her equally, i have faught this addictioin for years and it was hard. the last three years have been much easier. i gave alot of my time over to working with drug addicted teens and helping abused animals. i'm still nervous because her only clean time has been four years in prison, her liver and kidney are failing her so she has to get all kinds of bloodwork all the time so if she wanted to she couldn't get high in there without getting caught. from the things she had said and done and the things her friends have sent me and come and told me i trust her explicitly. and i only love her more and more each day that passes.
her case is so complicated that she never knows if she is getting out at any moment or will she have to do her minimum and serve another 2 and a half to 4 years. it gets hard. i cant take the way that phone hangs up on us...that cold hard beep,beep, click. i'm nervous too because served several small bids in my youth and have spent time in several kinds of institutions in my life, i know trhe anxiety and fear, the fear of knocks on the door, the fear of any authority figure, the fear of unexpected guests, that come with so called rehabilitation. the first few months of freedom are usually good but it creeps in slowly.
for over eight years i have made every decision and done everything i have done because of her, because of the gift she gave me, the ability to have faith in my self, to open up and like myself, which led to self love, the ability to find strength to fing worth in my self. at times i have done things because i missed her so much too: writen music, and liturature, sat in parks just watchung children enjoy a life i longed for, with a smile on my face. but having had some experience i can tell when she lies to me about the treatment in there, when she talks about the lock downs or the bunck serches, i know there is so much she can't say, damn i know what it feels like to hear those gates move during four o'clock role call, knowing that every federal inmate in the US getts counted like chattle. i cannot visit her yetr so i go down and sit facing her window and we sign to each other, and i give her a chance to see how i look with weight on and a full beard etc. if they make her stay the full ten years i will wait out the next six years, but god please don't do that to me, i can't even deal with getting cut off from a (on good days) 15 minute phone call... baby blue (that's actually my name folks) i lo...click; and my heart grows heavy and my eyes well and i'm afraid they will take us away from each other again, but i paid my dues and she's paying hers, now we can really trully start over together, a new life. i love you kat, i miss you...

baby blue - i just wanted to say hi and that i hope she is able to serve a minimum amount of time so she can be with you again soon if that's truly what you both want. good luck with everything. i wish you the best!! take care of yourself. great job on staying clean, as well!!! if you ever need to chat - i'm on yahoo as froggychyk... or email me at frontierchyk@aol.com

goodnight,
ginger

Baby Blue,
That was so heartfelt, its amazing to me how easy it is for people to open up the hearts to complete stranges...you touched me, even if for a moment. Your testimony of love shows all people how they CAN change dispite the odds they face in the present. I can sense your sincerity for your love in the very words you used.."Love Is Not Boastful". Know that everything in life is PURPOSED FOR YOUR EXPECTED END. God hasn't brought you both this far to leave you to do this on your own. Its when we're weakest that God has full reign to show us just how AWSOME he truly is. Put **ALL** your faith in him who holds both your futures in the palm of his hand. You probably never thought you'd find her again, but you had to do for YOURSELF in order to be able to be who you are to and for her now. It'll all work itself out...JUST KEEP PRAYING
KWAMEGA

"ALL THINGS WORK TOGETHER FOR GOOD TO THEM THAT LOVE GOD AND ARE CALLED ACCORDING TO HIS PURPOSE"
ROMANS 8:28

My name is Karina and I just found this site. I hope I can find something here that will help me. I have never felt so many emotions at once. My love of my life is leaving me for 3 years. We haven’t been apart for a week since we met. He is my best friend & my happiness. He is the only close person I have in my life that knows my life, what I like, what I fear. He is the greatest man with the most amazing qualities.
His trial is over and he has to turn himself in on the 28th of this month. (less than 2 weeks!) I have no clue how to feel. I go through such anger and sadness than I feel like I’ve lost my mind. What am I supposed to do without my strength, my passion, the person that makes everything in my life, wonderful? I feel like I want to break down everyday. I know I will in court. How am I supposed to just watch him leave? I want to be strong for him. I want to appreciate the time we have left but I can’t stop crying & feeling helpless. I know this is hard for him. I don’t want to make it harder for him by breaking down but I don’t know how to hide it. I can’t believe this is going to happen. Every hardship thus far, I’ve gone to him for comfort. He made me feel like everything was ok because he was by my side. Now what? Everything makes me think of him and the memories we made in our relationship. I really think I’m gonna lose it. Why am I not able to accept that this is happening? It’s just not real to me. They can’t do this. They don’t understand how much his family, kids & I need him. Please tell me what to do. How can I help him right now? Don’t let him see me crying, right? My head is too cloudy. I can’t think clearly enough to make the right decisions. I admire everyone here that is dealing with this pain. I want to find the strength you all have to get through each day. I want to help my baby get through this too.
I’m fearfully counting down the days until they take my heart from me. I don’t know what to do.
- God bless us all & give us strength. Please
karina

Karina,
Post on the 'Discussion for wives waiting for their husbands'. I think it's the second one down on the list. They are wonderful ladies there. I post on the 'Mothers' message board.

Peace,
Kim

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