STOP LOOK LISTEN.Anyone out there who is with a man who has now been released from jail?

Prisoners of Love Community: Support Forum: STOP LOOK LISTEN.Anyone out there who is with a man who has now been released from jail?
By
Racheal on Friday, October 12, 2001 - 05:19 pm:

Hi, I have a boyfriend in jail in Walpole MA, and I want to hear from ANYONE who is with a man that has been released.
I want to know what it's like when they are released, the ups and downs.
I would so love to hear from someone.
I met my guy through the internet, but he will soon be released and we plan on being together.
It would be great to hear what it's like and to know how things go with them finding a job and adjusting to freedom again.
Please let me know! Thanks.
Racheal.


By Robi Potter on Thursday, October 18, 2001 - 12:50 am:

Racheal,

I would love to chat with you about what it is like when your guy gets released. I know about it all too well. I had waited for my sons dad for almost 13 years. We had split up and gotten back together a couple times throughout the years. When he was about to be released, we were so happy. Now I know that what we did was set ourselves up to be disappointed with unrealistic expectations of what life was going to be like upon his release. He had to get a job - and didn't have any trouble. He lied about being in prison, and they didn't catch him until later. They fired him - it was so hard. He was angry about it and wanted more from life. He had sat in prison all those years imagining what life was going to be like - and it wasn't like that at all. I am not trying to discourage you - just try not to dream and spend too much energy thinking about what it is going to be like with him. If it isn't like that - you will be disappointed. Give it time, be patient with him - and be patient with yourself. You will want to spend alot of time with him - good grief you have waited all this time!! But, he is going to need his space too - and that does not have to mean that he doesn't care or want to be with you.

I am now married to one of his friends. (Yes, one of his friends. Even my ex felt that my husband was better suited for me - and bought us our wedding rings. We married inside the prison.) So, I am back to waiting. This time it will be different. I know what to look for and having been through it before - will not set myself up for disappointment.

Take Care,

Robi


By tina@go.com on Saturday, October 20, 2001 - 01:10 am:

Looking for someone to chat with about the issues facing thos with someone they love in prison. My loved one has been gone for 2months and has 6 more to go. I am from Mn and have few friends left to help with the lonelyness and other issues I face day to day without him......


By Kim Dukes on Tuesday, November 5, 2002 - 01:34 pm:

Ladies, My name is Kim Dukes... I've been through a year long hell and back, I agree with Robi, some what. Life is not like how you imagine it to be when he comes home. My husband went away for a year. He was lucky enough to get into the work release program while still "a ward of the state" He had to get a job and keep it the entire time he was in that program. So for the 4 months that he was in the program we got to try to connect again. Which we did, but life is still hard. He came out a little angrier than when he went in. He is paranoid, and we have more fights...The promises you two make now ARE important for you now. They help keep the faith in the shit hole life has become. Just know that some of them will be (not forgotten but,) ignored. He gripes all the time...and oh yes he will need his space. Also learn about sensory overload and sensory shock. They get desensitized in there. My husband flipped out the first time we went to dinner, and he couldn't handle the brightness of the mall. Cars whissing by will freak him out. Learn about it so you can be prepared for it... it is real, and not a joke to them.
Just remember that as he needs his space so do you... you will get accoustomed to his not being there...I know you think you won't but you will get into a routine that will be shattered when he comes home. Do you watch a certain TV show now? What happens if he wants to watch football or something. Do you go out to a friends...when he comes home be ready to have to TELL someone where you are going. It's all complicated learning to live with someone again. But in the end it is worth it....though we haven't got that far yet, but it may happen very soon. He's been home for 4 1/2 months and in town for 9. By the way... if you are not currently writing daily... do it. My husband looked forward to my mail... and when I started school my writting to him to a nose dive... he continued writing daily but I only answered back weekly.
It really helps. Gotta go Kim.


By Gina on Tuesday, November 12, 2002 - 12:37 pm:

I am going through some of the same things that you ladies have been discussing. My boyfriend is going to be released in 7 to 8 months and he will be paroling out to me (he comes from Texas and I live in RI) He is making the 2000 mile move so he can start a new life with me and leave behind the bad crap that he has delt with all of his life and this is something that he wants so very badly and he is so very grateful that he is able to be getting this chance . You see he does not have a supportive family and all of his friends (who are still on the street) are living the same lifestyle that he is incarserated for. He really wants to start new and fresh and I have been such a strong support system for him and we have grown to love each other so much in the past year or so that he is truly my soul mate and he also wants to get married upon his release. I am just very hesitant about the marriage thing. You see I am divorced already and I swore i wasn't going to every get married again (well we know how that goes). I truly do love him, he is my heart and I could never see my life without him. But I just don't want to look through our future together with "rose colored glasses" either. When I try to discuss this with him he tells me that everything is going to work out and that no matter what we will always be together. I just hope that it does work out- I know we will go though ups and downs but I just hope that our love will be the super glue that holds us togher. I guess I am just scared, am I looking into it more than I should? I really don't have any kind of support system around me because even though I do discuss this with close friends and some family, they have never been in this situation, I just would love some advice.


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